Contacted by bully's mother

[Jennybeans401]

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

Definitely arrange to meet up - somewhere out of the way and then cancel 5 minutes before.

This is about the only sensible remark on here.

Your DD fell out with her friends and was excluded. Yes it's sad and hard to watch as a parent but you don't need to have a go at the mum just to get back at the girl. It's not necessarily the mum's fault that her DD was mean to yours and I'm sure that she will have heard a very different version of events anyway. Each girl will have "their truth".

The girls will no doubt contact each other on social media at some point anyway.

@Theunamedcat I still have friends who are at the old school, they know where dd is and they are on my social media too. One of these friends is still good friends with this other mum (the narc mother buys a lot of her mlm products).

I wouldn't want the bully to move to our school but wouldn't put it past her. There's not a lot I could do about it, there are about 2 schools in our area with places and ours is one of them.

Dd doesn't have social media, that's a good thing in this situation.

I have similiar
.my daughter misses
Her ex bully. Not a hope in hell would I invite her back into her life

I would reply that my daughter is finally beginning to heal and forget the nastiness and so you'd prefer not to risk as set back, but have a Happy Christmas

This.

At best she'll pal up with your DD then dump her again when someone "better" comes along.

At worst it is a way to extend the bullying that your DD has got away from.

Grey rock her.

I think if I reply she will go further and try to call me. Worse still she could even turn up on my doorstep (really does have a brass neck). If I send anything amicable she will take more than a mile and run with it.

Although we were friendly in the past she is very ruthless and I think she didn't treat her dd that kindly. We weren't very close but there were some nice times, I can really see the narcissist now though.

Agree another explanation could be that she's turned on someone else, the pattern has been seen, she's keen to rehabilitate her image/rep and be seen to be in good terms with your dd

"She didn't leave because of me! We're still in touch/friendly".

*on good terms

Did you open the 2nd message @Jennybeans401 ? I just wonder what prompted this and why now?

Is it WhatsApp?

Does she even know you've received it?

Your DD fell out with her friends and was excluded

Have you ever met teenage girls lol.

Bullying someone is not what you've described.

Yes it's WhatsApp. First one I read but then marked as unread.

Second one i haven't opened and don't want to open.

I lost my peace of mind, sleep, I suffered stress and severe anxiety during this time when dd was bullied. My dd suffered immensely with her mental health, concert and still struggles with her confidence and trust in making new friends.

I'm so glad for the responses on here because I'm way too soft sometimes and this has reminded me of the journey we had to go on.

Just no. Meeting up could really set your daughter back. I’ve had issues with poor boundaries in my life and I would have totally met in the hope things would change, but I now know that it just enables people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
Your daughter will benefit far more from a clean break.

I think you're right not to meet them, but I'd be surprised if this girl has acknowledged to herself that she bullied your DD, she would have justified it to herself.

This happened to my DS, some friends got cliquey, got competitive, lots of three's a crowd behaviours isolating him, my DS had his confidence undermined. Future friendships after dropping one particular friend all turned bad when this kid would befriend every new friend he had and the new friends would suddenly be horrible to my DS too.

The school and the other parents would all see this as a 'falling out' because kids fall out.

You're right though it is bullying, bullies usually are the friend that enjoys you feeling out of place, who gets to practice their power games on you. Schools are bad at recognising this as most bullies don't bully multiple kids they save it for their designated pleb. In much the same way that most abusive partners are seen by people outside of the relationship as great people and abuse is disbelieved or downplayed.

TBH I do think it's developmentally quite normal for these kids to awaken to the idea that there's a social hierarchy and worry about your place in that so push someone beneath them. They can still stay the fuck away from my child though.

I wouldn't bother with the Mother, she wouldn't believe you if you told her.

*confidence sorry for typo!

the narc mother buys a lot of her mlm products

Is the bully's mother getting into mlm? Christmas selling opportunity, reconnectng with old friends...

Yes it is. Some people downplay bullying.

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor no, she 'buys' people though. Buys expensive gifts, money etc.

@VisaGeezer I've abbreviated this story but yes it was definitely bullying.

If I went into everything it would take too long, it was very bad. Sone physical, emotional and social bullying.

I'm way too soft sometimes and this has reminded me of the journey we had to go on
she can smell that and that's why she's trying to break you down
STONEWALL

@Soothsayer1 I am grey rock, no contact. Dd comes first, we deserve this peace of mind.

Maybe worth sharing your concerns with the HT of your DD's school. I have friends who moved their child because of bullying. The new school was very supportive when the bullying child's family tried to move to the new school. The bullying child was not given a place.

@DPotter I'm really hoping this won't happen. I feel like if it does then I will speak to the school.

I'm hoping that this narcissistic mother will stay put as she has her cronies at the old school.