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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

359 replies

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 15:25

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

OP posts:
funnystuff123 · 16/12/2022 15:26

how long is he there for and when is he leaving?

Notthecarwashagain · 16/12/2022 15:29

My grandma used to have foreign exchange students to stay. She is an amazing cook (was her job before retirement) but a lot didn’t like her dinners!
One of them just ate pasta with butter on every day.

YANBU to feel offended, but also YABU because it’s not a reflection on your cooking 😊
Not the same, but my ds has asd and pretty much hates the vast majority of food, so I know how insulting it can feel!

YellowTreeHouse · 16/12/2022 15:30

YABU. You might think your meals are tasty but clearly he doesn’t, and that’s okay. Everyone has different tastes.

supersonicginandtonic · 16/12/2022 15:30

Have you asked him what he likes to eat and what kinds of food he normally eats at home?

Mushroo · 16/12/2022 15:31

Have you actually asked him what he likes?

fancyacuppatea · 16/12/2022 15:31

Send him home.
And send him home hungry.

SaturnaliaCalling · 16/12/2022 15:31

I would just feed him burgers every day.

Elvira2000 · 16/12/2022 15:32

He's a teenage boy. To overgeneralise (most, but not all): they like crap food and they don't say please and thank you as much as adults. Throw into the mix cultural differences around manners and food.

I'd just give him oven chips and a burger every night.

It piss me off too much to see the food being wanted.

Lampshadered · 16/12/2022 15:32

Have you asked him what he likes to eat?

Freliona · 16/12/2022 15:32

I think it is the age he is. Which is why other peoples teenagers are a pita! I sympathise but what is he eating? My teens have the option to cook for themselves or buy their own dinner (from their own money!) when they don't like what I am making. I had that whole ordering dinner like it was a restaurant and it was stressful - although I generally try to cook meals that everyone would like. He doesn't know he is born. I would swap with him in a minute - the meals sound lovely!

fancyacuppatea · 16/12/2022 15:32

And in the interim...show him how to use the toaster and kettle.

You can't go wrong with toast or Pot Noodle. Halo

Pismascrescents · 16/12/2022 15:34

He’s a teenager. Give him fast food and he will be delighted. Don’t expect him to understand the intricacies of your Spinach and Egg quiche. It’s not going to happen!

Goodywhoshoes · 16/12/2022 15:35

Poor guy is probably starving!

Ask him what he likes to eat. He will maybe have been brought up eating very differently and your spag bol is very unlikely to be like anything his mother or grandmother cooks.

Moltenpink · 16/12/2022 15:36

I remember hating the food that my host family cooked in Spain (I did eat it and say thank you though). It to me tasted very strongly of olive oil and was just generally very unfamiliar. I wasn’t a fussy eater either, so I do have some sympathy!

JuneOsborne · 16/12/2022 15:36

My mum used to have older teenage lodgers in the week. They never, and I mean ever, ate anything green.

Hotdogs, burgers, and any other meat main and carb based side were the only things they'd eat.

Notimeforaname · 16/12/2022 15:37

Does he have money to go shopping himself? Hes not going to like food that he probably didn't grow up with. As others have said, ask him what he likes and get that in. Once it's not steak every night 😆

2bazookas · 16/12/2022 15:39

Yolu can't change his taste in food. Waste is annoying but you spent the same money if he ate it or not.

His manners are another thing. In my house that lad would PDQ be learning basic "guest" social manners such as thanking other peoples efforts ( hospitality, laundry, meals, transport , entertainmant) or saying " No vegetables for me, thankyou". "I've had enough, thankyou". Helping to set table, clear away, wash up, make his bed.

Wetblanket78 · 16/12/2022 15:40

It's just different to what he's used to eating. Would he go with you to do some shopping? So he can pick out some food he does like. See if he wants to cook some Spanish food himself.

thelobsterquadrille · 16/12/2022 15:41

I'm sure your food tastes fine, but it'll be very, very different to the food he was raised on in Spain.

Have you asked him what he'd like to eat?

Lilyhatesjaz · 16/12/2022 15:43

I think that British people say thank you much more often than a lot of other countries it is very much part of our culture. He is likely not being rude just following his own cultural norms

phoenixrosehere · 16/12/2022 15:49

supersonicginandtonic · 16/12/2022 15:30

Have you asked him what he likes to eat and what kinds of food he normally eats at home?

This. If you have not, why not?

That’s the first thing you should have asked before he arrived.

Depending on how long he has been there, if you have been more focused on him not liking your food than actually asking him what he likes/enjoys than YABVU.

It takes time to get used to food and flavours you are not familiar with.

Original poster
WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 15:50

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us. Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

I have bought him Spanish sausage and apple juice etc for breakfast as that's what he likes but now he just leaves in the morning with no breakfast!

OP posts:
hiccup123 · 16/12/2022 15:50

I'm Spanish, and I can tell you I wouldn't be particularly impressed with the dishes you mentioned, not because they are bad in any way, but because they are very foreign to most Spanish people, let alone a fussy teenager.

We eat very mild food compared to British standards of spiciness, spicy chorizo is actually something I've only seen in the UK.

Spanish cuisine is far, far more varied than British cuisine, you only need to compare a Spanish supermarket to a British one and the former will have a wider selection of mostly anything, including vegetables, fruit varieties and meat cuts.

Having said this, this sounds to me like a fussy teen who doesn't eat much of anything, even when at home. He's also not the most grateful either, and I have to say we are not as polite a society as the British are (generally speaking), so I can see how that would come across as rude to you.

I remember being an exchange teen student ages ago in France, and feeling lucky that my host family was actually half Spanish (long story), so I was eating pretty much the same as back home while my mates were whining about 'disgusting food' 😂

You'd think the differences wouldn't be so strong, but they are! I'm sure your cooking is good 😊

pinkyredrose · 16/12/2022 15:51

Why's he staying with you for so long?

Pemba · 16/12/2022 15:55

It is probably because the food you make is unfamiliar to him, but he is being a bit rude. You would have hoped that at 15 he have started to realise that and to develop a few social skills but ah well. Teenagers can be awful as we all know. I know it must be quite galling when you've made an effort to cook. I would also worry about his nutrition, he must be starving! Or is he getting food elsewhere?

How is he in other respects? Also rude and not communicative? Why is he staying with you and for how long? If you are hosting him while he does a language course, for example, I would have a word with the people in charge.