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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

359 replies

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 15:25

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

OP posts:
Radiatorvalves · 16/12/2022 15:57

My 15 year old stayed with a Spanish family recently, snd his complaint was that they didn’t have any fruit or veg!

this would really wind me up, and I might sit down and have a gentle conversation about cultural mores in England. Including a bit of when in Rome… and the need for please snd thank you.

Good luck!

MrsCarson · 16/12/2022 15:59

My Spanish cousins never liked anything with gravy on. They ate spaghetti pasta but not with loads of bolognaise sauce on. They ate a pork chop, or a small steak and a plate of salad and a side of veg at meals when we were younger. Their mother made things like Lentil soup with Chorizo in it or Ham fritter type things with two slices of ham and cheese in the middle coated in breadcrumbs. They had yogurt or bread and ham for breakfast. When little it was Magdalena cakes and hot chocolate for breakfast and a bread roll thing for break at school.

BMW6 · 16/12/2022 15:59

So the school told you what he likes to eat and you totally ignored it?

Have I misunderstood?

phoenixrosehere · 16/12/2022 16:01

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us. Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

If that is the case, why not try and cook the specific dinners he like and the whole family could try and eat it?

Quartz2208 · 16/12/2022 16:03

So you know what he likes and cook food it isn’t and then wonder why he doesn’t eat it

SnowlayRoundabout · 16/12/2022 16:03

In your place, I'd stop trying - just cook what he likes for the rest of his visit and save the nice stuff for when he's out and/or gone.

Reebokclassics · 16/12/2022 16:03

If that’s what he likes to eat, it’s not exactly hard to put a pizza in the oven. Stop being so precious and let him eat what he wants!

Namechangeforthis88 · 16/12/2022 16:05

I'm guessing you're being compensated for the cost of feeding him?

It's tempting to say just give him what he wants and bung a pizza in the oven for him. But I wouldn't want to either feed my own family pizza, meat and chips every/most days, or repeatedly explain why guest is having that and they're having something balanced, nutritious and sensible.

FurAndFeathers · 16/12/2022 16:06

Why are you forcing good you know he disliked on him and letting him go hungry? Why not ask him what he likes? Or make the things you know he likes?

FuoriComeUnBalcone · 16/12/2022 16:06

spicy chorizo is actually something I've only seen in the UK

Have you never heard of chorizo de León which is spicy? It’s been sold in every single supermarket and charcuterie for the 20 odd years I’ve lived in Spain!

Lampshadered · 16/12/2022 16:07

Do you cook dinners that your children dislike and they're told to lump it? Or it is everybody else digging in and he's the only one not eating? That would be quite miserable for him. I think you need to compromise.

If he hasn't eaten breakfast or dinner in 3 months, is he OK?

Caspianberg · 16/12/2022 16:10

I would ask him what he likes and yes make meals he likes most the time. It’s only 3 months, probably less now. Imagine a 15 year old being away from home for months.

Its your job to feed him, enough so he isnt hungry and is happy. It’s not your job to teach him to eat his greens.

Caspianberg · 16/12/2022 16:12

Im like a mother hen though. I would ask him what he does like for breakfast and give to him to take with him with some hot chocolate in a thermos cup. Blueberry muffin or something.

hiccup123 · 16/12/2022 16:12

FuoriComeUnBalcone · 16/12/2022 16:06

spicy chorizo is actually something I've only seen in the UK

Have you never heard of chorizo de León which is spicy? It’s been sold in every single supermarket and charcuterie for the 20 odd years I’ve lived in Spain!

I'm not saying it doesn't exist - I'm sure chorizo comes in all sorts of varieties (it's not a food I particularly enjoy so I'm no connoisseur). BUT it's not the standard, people don't expect it to be spicy by default (e.g. if you ask for a chorizo sandwich at a cafe). It has a very strong flavour, but no spicyness in it.

OngoingCrisis · 16/12/2022 16:13

Thought this was going to be the thread of the woman who had tuna, spagbol and salad cream on a baguette

Delatron · 16/12/2022 16:13

3 months seems a long time to cope with this. Plus the lack of manners? Can he go home early? I thought exchanges were about 2 weeks? And even that seemed long enough to me.

Caspianberg · 16/12/2022 16:15

@OngoingCrisis - 🤢

phoenixrosehere · 16/12/2022 16:15

Namechangeforthis88 · 16/12/2022 16:05

I'm guessing you're being compensated for the cost of feeding him?

It's tempting to say just give him what he wants and bung a pizza in the oven for him. But I wouldn't want to either feed my own family pizza, meat and chips every/most days, or repeatedly explain why guest is having that and they're having something balanced, nutritious and sensible.

I don’t think anyone is saying that.

It’s a cultural exchange that should be going both ways and it is not. If someone wasn’t eating my food and I knew they were from another country, I wouldn’t sit there and be upset because they’re not eating my food. I’d ask what they would like or even see if I can contact their parents and ask them what their child likes to eat and their eating habits because they would know more than the school.

He learns about British culture and OP and her family learn about his.

GiltEdges · 16/12/2022 16:15

BMW6 · 16/12/2022 15:59

So the school told you what he likes to eat and you totally ignored it?

Have I misunderstood?

This.

Poor child. He’s going without breakfast and dinner every day because he doesn’t like what you give him. You know what he will eat, but refuse to give it to him. You’re essentially starving him. No wonder he wolfed down the burger when it was offered.

Delatron · 16/12/2022 16:15

phoenixrosehere · 16/12/2022 16:01

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us. Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

If that is the case, why not try and cook the specific dinners he like and the whole family could try and eat it?

Why should the whole family eat unhealthily for months because he is fussy! And the OP should not be cooking separate meals. He’s 15 not a toddler. He’s choosing not to eat perfectly reasonable food. His choice.

CremeEggThief · 16/12/2022 16:17

I don't think being a host is for you, OP.

TheShellBeach · 16/12/2022 16:17

He might have ASD. Some autistic people can only eat things on their "safe" list.

GiltEdges · 16/12/2022 16:17

Delatron · 16/12/2022 16:15

Why should the whole family eat unhealthily for months because he is fussy! And the OP should not be cooking separate meals. He’s 15 not a toddler. He’s choosing not to eat perfectly reasonable food. His choice.

Show quote history

He’s a minor and the OP is letting him go hungry by repeatedly feeding him food she knows he won’t eat. He’s already been there for months living like this. Would it really hurt OP to give him a pizza or a burger?

Delatron · 16/12/2022 16:18

GiltEdges · 16/12/2022 16:17

He’s a minor and the OP is letting him go hungry by repeatedly feeding him food she knows he won’t eat. He’s already been there for months living like this. Would it really hurt OP to give him a pizza or a burger?

Show quote history

Maybe once a week. But she can’t feed her family burgers and pizzas for months due to a fussy 15 year old!

CrotchetyQuaver · 16/12/2022 16:20

I'd be a bit upset if someone was staying and didn't eat my food. I'd be asking him what he liked to eat and making sure some of the meals each week were his choice. We operate a food democracy at our house, we sit down and meal plan every Sunday and everyone suggests an evening meal, so we all get something we like to eat and the right of veto if it's something we hate.