AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

[WontEatMyFood]

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

I mean I wouldn’t eat any of these “pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles”

what’s so hard about meat? A pork chop and potatoes, a chicken breast and salad etc deconstructed fajitas. Spag bol but self serf so he can have his sauce as much or little and where he wants. Burgers don’t have to be unhealthy either and nothing wrong with a pizza every so often.

feel sorry for the poor lad.

It appears to be his choice to leave with no breakfast in the morning? OP asked him and bought him Spanish sausage as he requested and he still won’t eat it. He’s probably grabbing something on the way to school and the way home maybe?

I recall when my son stayed with a host family in the UK as a student and he phoned me one day to what kind of an animal Vesta was because he’d be told every day there’s a vesta curry for you to make for your tea. Mind you on the odd occasion he’d be offered fish fingers and chips or a cheese sandwich that could on,y contain one slice of cheese and a sliced tomato. We got him out of the situation as fast as we could.

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us. Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!
Well then you can't be surprised when he picks and doesn't eat it, you've been told what he likes and are choosing to ignore that and not even discuss other options with him.
When I stayed with my lovely host family, when they cooked stuff that was unusual to me or I wasn't keen on they always made sure there was plenty of bread, cheese slices etc to make a sandwich and things in the oven and I was told to help myself it I was hungry later, they also cooked regularly familiar foods they knew I liked, because they'd asked what I liked and listened.

Sorry, just to add, this home stay situation that overseas students can often find themselves in is money for old rope. And whilst their are very decent host families out there I’d say there are more host families who are awful at it than anything else.

It's quite likely your guest doesn't like you now either. You've been advised of what he's happy to eat and you've rarely provided that, but keep giving him dishes he's not happy to have. (I bet you haven't tried giving him paella either...) It seems very inconsiderate to refuse to provide a guest with foods you know they will eat. Why are you being so thoughtless? It's just nasty to do this. It's not difficult to cater for him, you just don't want to.

Even if you don't approve of his diet, it's not for you to try to change that wholesale to foods you think he should have. And you're complaining HE'S rude! You're a terrible host if you don't care that you don't give him any of the food you know he likes. How would you like to be treated with such disdain? If it was your child in a foreign place, would you like it if they were treated so miserably?

I live in Spain. One warning I will give is that they eat at very different times to the UK.
The kids have 'breakfast' at school around 10 am. They have dinner at 8pm at the earliest. Children are playing very late.

My husband doesn't really like the British food I cook, with a few exceptions (steak or chicken pies, fruit crumble). Here, it seems ham, cheese and seafood heavy. Lots of fried foods also.
That said, this lad does seem a little fussy, as kids often are. You'll have to ask him. Dust off the sandwich toaster we all have but nobody uses and do ham and cheese toasties, perhaps? But yes, it is completely different food - we moved here suddenly years ago and I was very culture shocked with the food myself.

God, if my teenager went to stay with a foreign family and didn't eat the food they put in front of her and at least say thanks, i'd be bloody raging. Ungrateful little tick.

Buy him a stack of cheap frozen pizzas and serve him those, while feeding your family the lovely things you've been cooking so far.

Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

Why can't you cook a dinner that he likes and you all have the same? It doesn't have to be a separate meal.

The "my way or the highway" is a bit harsh. I bet he feel quite homesick. If you eat so many different cuisines why don't you try making some Spanish food for all of you for a change?

Poor kid. Op, can you not put yourself in his position for just a moment. Imagine yourself in someone else’s home getting absolutely no say in your meal choices. You never criticize the food, you pick at it and manage to eat a few polite bites, but for whatever reason you strongly dislike the meals on offer. It isn’t a one off dinner party where you know you will be going home to a pantry and a snack or even a weekend at someone’s home where you know that you will get home to a solid meal within another day. It’s months of feeling hungry and trying to stay quiet so as not to seem rude.

would there really be any harm in making the meals that have been successful appear more frequently in your rotation?

what about asking him if he would like to share a favorite dish from home one night? If he isn’t a cook yet, offer to have his parent send the recipe and cook it together.

MrsThimbles a Vesta curry? Crumbs how many years ago was that 😅

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us. Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

You have a child guest in your home, from a different culture, who is clearly not enjoying the food you cook. Why on earth wouldn't you incorporate these meals into your meal plan? I bet your own family will also eat meat, pizza and chips.

You sound mean and like you are forgetting that he's a child staying with strangers in a foreign country.

Poor kid. You sound very harsh and unfeeling. How difficult would it really be to chuck a plain chicken breast/couple of lamb chops/burger etc in the oven and give him some chips? You’d rather somehow feel morally superior than be a warm and welcoming host.

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us. Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like

I doubt the school know what he really likes. This is just a list of what he will eat from what's on offer in the school canteen.

How have you not discussed this with him?
It seems extraordinary to me - I'd have honed on on this on the first day or two, it would have been a terrific ice-breaking & even bonding opportunity.
Do you talk to him at all, or just treat him like the inconvenience you clearly feel he is?

Well he’s 43 now. And he must have been about 18 at the time. 😊

So many replies!

Just to clarify a few things; we have pizza once a week, well the kids do on Fridays, and we'd usually have burgers maybe once a fortnight and then steak maybe every three weeks or so. I know it's seems unreasonable to some of you but I'm not putting a pizza in the oven for him every night as a battle with my own kids would ensue and I'm not going there.

I've asked him what he wanted for breakfast and got the stuff in for him, but he's just decided to leave with nothing in the morning, I've asked him a few times if he's ok without breakfast but he says he fine! I suspect he's picking up a pastry in the shop on the way to school.

On the thank you thing - I know Spanish people don't say thanks as frequently as we do so I need to remind myself of that. I've already had to tell him not to reply 'WHAT?!' when called and that it's more polite to say 'Yeah?' Spanish people are always saying 'que?' aren't they?

This thread was mostly in jest, I'm just a bit exasperated by it and yes I need to get a grip!

He’s a guest, I think you should try to serve things that he will eat or you should not have invited him into your home.

Well it’s annoying but there’s no need to be offended - he’s just a fussy teen.

It is odd however, that you’ve never asked him what meals he likes. You can’t be expected to cook them all the time, but since you like cooking, a Spanish dish every couple of weeks would be a friendly thing to do.

Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

Well stop bloody moaning then 🙄

In parts of Spain I stayed at for a year working, meat and veg were generally served as sort of different courses - there was often beans or salad starter and then meat or fish with pretty much only one veg on plate - a pepper or potatoes
certainly never ate pasta or rice with meat/ fish course out there

however, having said that we had a French au pair years ago. Would always cut stalks of cauli/ broccoli and not eat them. I thought it was French thing - too refined to eat stalks . Eventually I asked- they laughed and said if they’d been at home still, their mum would have made them eat the stalks 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️. Some young people just are fussy still.

There is no way a Spanish teenager would only want the foods the school have told you, a British child maybe but the Spanish eat long family meals and the food that you are offering him is very basic UK type food that would be alien to him so no wonder he doesn’t eat it.

There are many Spanish recipes online, why not make an effort to research what sort of foods he is used to and at least have a Spanish evening once a week. You could also buy some decent bread and olive oil which he could snack on, the Spanish would have this with every meal.

What's pasta linguine??

Some replies to you seem a bit harsh...
Maybe this boy is a young 15?
I'd sit down with him to ask how he's coping being away from home; what he likes; what he's having trouble with; a general check-in. I'd ask what it's like back home and what he misses. I'd work my way round to I want you to be comfortable here and notice you don't each much; is our food very different from your at home? Why don't we plan some meals together? Fancy doing the shopping with me for Saturday's meals? 😊

Lol yes, just make him what he likes. His in a foreign country where food trends will drastically change. I don’t like anyone cooking for me really. It’s not personal and your being a little immature

Poor child, he’s in a foreign country with a host mother who has been told his preference in food and refuses to deviate (from a menu I wouldn’t eat either) and feed him the food he is used to and would eat.

I’m a daughter of immigrant Mediterranean parents, and the meals you are cooking would not appeal to me or my family. As another poster said, our palette is quite mild, we don’t like spicy food /curries etc, and our diet is much more varied. One of the things I struggle over here is the English diet and English version of ethnic food (like curries 🤢) that I politely have to struggle down when eating at English people’s homes.

He’s a growing teen he needs to be fed properly, I couldn’t imagine having someone else’s child under my care and refusing to make them food they’d eat, exactly why are you a host parent if you don’t much like monosyllabic and fussy teens, that’s just teens being teens? My godmother was a host parent, she would really try to give her host students food they were used to and would talk to their parents if she could to get her paws on their favourite recipes to stave off homesickness.