AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

[WontEatMyFood]

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

I’ve just reread the OP - he’s already been there 3 months? Does he not have a home to go to? How much longer is he there? Does he not miss his family?

It’s ridiculous to be “offended” by this. It’s obviously not a deliberate comment on your ability as a cook. Don’t be silly.

I would make sure pizza and burgers are included once a week so you are giving a balance of meals you know he likes along with your usual meals. I would also chat to him about what he likes when it comes to food, ask if he prefers his pasta not covered in sauce for example(I used to hate food mixed together). I would also get some easy to grab and grow bits for breakfast and have plenty of snack bits in and let him know he can always have cereal/bread or whatever you are happy for him to have.

Where did I say they should?!

She could try and cook a few meals that all the family could try. It doesn’t have to be an either/or situation. There’s such thing as compromise!!

Also I do think it’s true that we say thank you much more in this country. I remember being in Spain and there’s very rarely any pleases or thank yous. It comes across as quite rude if you aren’t aware of it but I guess it’s the culture.

I might sit down and have a gentle conversation about cultural mores in England. Including a bit of when in Rome… and the need for please snd thank you.

Are you insane? In no way is this the role of a host parent.

And 'cultural mores' - give me a break.

It's a bit annoying he doesn't like the food but I'd simply include the items he does like as much as you can, not worry when he doesn't eat but make sure there's plenty of yogurt, bread, cheese, eggs so he won't starve if he doesn't have a dinner.

This isn't particular to you. All the overseas kids we've hosted were the same. It's just different to what they're used to.

I think in Spanish there is a polite form of address that includes politeness, without the specific use of the Spanish words for please and thank you. We go to Spain every year and it's quite rare for the Spanish to say please and thank you where we stay. I don't think it's a necessary form of politeness the way it is in the UK. I think if he's staying with you to improve his English, you could explain to him how rude it is not to say it in the UK.

Regarding your food, I'd guess it's a combination of teenage fussiness and different styles of cooking. For example, the Spanish like vegetables that are cooked until they are really soft, whereas in the UK we are used to them much firmer.

Reasonable food from a UK viewpoint, but not from his viewpoint. It's not food he's familiar with or that he's been raised to eat.

If your children were abroad on a foreign exchange, would you really be happy if their host parent refused to feed them what they'd requested, and instead said "it's this or nothing - your choice"?

Also I would include meals where he can pick and choose elements, so something like mild fajitas where it’s all laid out and he can pick the bits he wants to have.

It's not usual in Spain to say thank you the way we do in Anglophone countries. He probably hasn't realised he's coming across as rude.

I do think you should include more of the meals he likes, or ask him what he would like to eat. I’d assume him not thanking you may be due to cultural differences.

I don't understand why you wouldn't cater towards a guest's likes and dislikes and then be surprised they don't like what you give them,

Not very hospitable

I'm Spanish, and I can tell you I wouldn't be particularly impressed with the dishes you mentioned, not because they are bad in any way, but because they are very foreign to most Spanish people, let alone a fussy teenager.

In some ways the Brits are far more cosmopolotan when it comes to food and wine than many of our European neighbours..

We had some lovely very typical Spanish food when we holidayed in inland Andalucia many years ago, but after a fortnight we fancied a change and had a non Spanish meal (pizza) on the last night. I think we are so used to eating so many various cuisines now that it has become our normal.

One thing that struck me was the lack of fresh vegetables with the meals, then when we came home I went shopping to find that all the carrots in the supermarket were Spanish - oh the irony.

Tell him he can cook himself food from now on.

That's so mean! How would you like it if you went to live with someone and were dependent on them for your food and they only cooked things you didn't like to eat and refused to give you anything you liked? You would feel very unwelcome and you would be very hungry!

You sound like an arsehole.

You don't sound very nice to be honest. Just ask him for a basic list of foods. And incorporate it. Hosting is not for the money, you do have to be reasonable as well!

He needs to learn some manners! TBH I’d just give him pasta with tomato sauce from a jar. According to an Italian friend, that’s what Italian kids mostly live on until mid/late teens.

A dd once had a student lodger, about 20, can’t remember the nationality, but somewhere in Europe - who despite it having been made clear that she wasn’t providing evening meals, felt very hard done by, even though he was paying rather less than meals-included. One night she did invite him to join them anyway - it was something with chips - and the ungrateful little shit said, ‘This isn’t very healthy!’

She was heartily glad when he eventually left - luckily he was only there for a month.

Yes I would if the only things they were requesting was burgers or pizza!

But I can see I’m in the minority and everyone else thinks that the OP should cook burgers every night.

OP - what I do sometimes when I have fussy eaters is separate some of the meal out. So if you’re making spag Bol - would he just have plain pasta? If you’re cooking salmon then I’d probably just fling a burger in for him. I wouldn’t go out of my way to cook an entire separate meal but maybe adapt what I’m cooking slightly. Or offer extra bread/cheese etc.

I think you should try and cook about 3 meals each week that you know he’ll eat. He’s a 15 year old away from home.

It does all sound very wearing but I think hosting ANY teenager for 3 months would be! How come it's so long? Is your DC going there in exchange at some point?

I think try not to take it too personally - it's not that your food is horrible, he is just used to different foods and/or is a bit fussy as many teenagers are. Save the meal in separate parts for him where possible eg plain chicken breast pieces and rice instead of Thai curry or whatever. Or get some frozen burgers etc and stick it in the oven for him. Or serve a very small portion and let him know he can make a sandwich? Maybe find out what veg/salad he would eat (cherry tomatoes, cucumber sticks etc?). If he hasn't come round to the food you're serving in 3 months I think he probably isn't going to.

I used to be friends with a boy who was here on foreign exchange. He found the food at his hosts inedible, and lived on a diet of fish sticks, cream crackers and vanilla lattes instead, because obviously that was infinitely better than mince and potatoes

Three months is a long time to be eating food you don't like or going without. Is he paying for board and lodging?

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us.
I would give him those foods and we are vegetarians.

Maybe sit down and work out some meals he will eat. Or take him to the supermarket and let him see what is on offer.
Sticking on a pizza when you are having something else is no trouble at all.* *

Are you insane? In no way is this the role of a host parent

I don't see any reason why the host parent can't gently explain that in the UK people use please and thank you a lot more than in Spain and that it comes across as impolite if you don't.
He's there to learn English presumably and I assume part of the point of living in a host family is that he is surrounded by the language and learns the finer points of it, beyond what is taught in school.
I teach English as an additional language to Austrian children and I also teach the children about things which are acceptable to say in German but a direct translation into English would come across rude if they were in the UK. It's part of the learning process.

As for the food, I think you are being a bit unfair to him. He's landed in another country and there are a lot of unfamiliar dishes. He probably isn't used to all kinds of different cuisines. I think you should compromise here somewhere - it's not good for him to be hardly eating anything for months.