AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

[WontEatMyFood]

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

It’s not a reflection on your cooking. He isn’t used to the food you’re making and may be a fussy eater anyway. I sympathise with him a bit because I was fussy at that age and it would have been so hard to go abroad and eat different food.

I can't believe he's been there for 3 months and you've never asked him what he likes to eat! What kind of hosting is that?

Totally fine to not want to cook separate meals but if you actually, you know, talked to him, you might find that the whole issue can be solved with some minor adjustments (e.g. leaving sauce separate). Or that he likes some Spanish meals that your whole family might enjoy.

YABU.

He's stayed with you 3 months? So you've cooked approximately 90 dinners for him and not asked him what he likes to eat beyond the 3 items the school listed?!

You said you enjoy cooking - ask him what dishes he likes eating at home and try to replicate one. Maybe even with his help. You might both have fun, learn something and bond.

Other cultures also find British folks to be VERY polite. You might need to tell him that after being provided food in this country, it's generally considered polite to say thank you. It may seem rude to you, but saying thanks may just not have crossed his mind. Not because he's rude, but because his culture is different to ours.

I'd be asking him what he likes and taking him shopping.

You can make burgers and pizzas from scratch if you don't like supermarket versions, so that's two nights sorted.

What a long time to be fed food you don't like.

I'm surprised he's still with you. If I were his parents, I would have asked the organising agency to find him another host family already.

I'm Spanish and at that age, I would not have known what a curry or Thai food looked like. We don't do spicy or things bathed in sauces.

I agree he could be a bit more adventurous but he isn't. He's here to learn English not to learn about world cuisine

OP says she hasn't even had the decency to ask him what he'd like to eat, though.

"Burgers and pizza" is what the school told her he liked.

I actually would eat those over mince and potatoes, tbh or just have the potatoes.

Can he speak English? Can you communicate with him? Then ask him what he likes and doesn't like! That's a terrible waste of food.

And also ask him to say please and thank you. Part of learning about another culture is learning their manners.

I was kind of with you till you wrote pasta linguine, as it’s one and rhe same thing, not a meal as such, linguine is a type of pasta like spaghetti, rigatoni or tortellini.

It’s exactly like writing I cook pasta spaghetti, which makes me wonder if he’s right about your cooking.. as it seems you don’t know what it is😋

I had a boyfriend at uni who was so fussy about food. So unwilling to try anything new. I found it so frustrating that he wouldn’t eat something because it wasn’t exactly how his mum made it, or there was ‘funny’ sauce on it. Don’t be offended, some people are just super fussy. By the time we’d split up after 3/4 years he did actually thank me for introducing him to new foods, so there you go.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.
You are in loco parentis.
Teach him to.

And talk to the poor lad! Ask him what he likes, what he eats at home. Educate him about nutrition, ie encourage him to try vegetables ...

Spanish cuisine is very different to English cuisine. It sounds like you’re just cooking your normal food without taking this into consideration. It would be nice if you made the effort to make things he may like instead of adopting the attitude of “well, he can just eat what we eat”. He doesn’t like it but isn’t being rude or making comments. He’s probably filling up during the day as he doesn’t enjoy your food. I’m sure you would like to think that if your dc went abroad, the host family gave him food he liked. I think you sound rude and defensive and particularly unwelcoming. Remember that Spanish mealtimes are also very different. I very much doubt he eats just meat, pizza and burgers at home. He’s there for a long time… I feel sorry for him tbh.

I live with picky eaters .. one of them a teen and to be honest I’d rather they eat than not . I’m not sure how hard it would be to stick a baking tray in the oven with some chips and a burger along with everything else you are cooking . I routinely cook meals with 2/3 different proteins for different people .

it must be miserable for him if he’s hungry all the time and trying to learn English as well

He'd like to eat meat, pizza and chips. That's what info the school gave to us. Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!
JFC, what a host you are.
Why is this lad staying with you - exchange? Something else?
Are you being paid, or was he foisted on you?

I have bought him Spanish sausage and apple juice etc for breakfast as that's what he likes but now he just leaves in the morning with no breakfast!
Would you allow your own child to leave without breakfast?
Can he not take these things to school to eat later, if he's not hungry early in the morning?

If the boot was on the other foot and this was an English teenager on an exchange in Spain people would be horrified at the idea that the family was expected to cater exclusively for his taste (particularly as his taste is so grey).

It's not totally clear from your post but I assume this is some sort of cultural exchange and he is supposed to be learning English or something. Surely part of this involves living with a host family and experiencing their life as they live it?

If my kid was on an exchange in Spain and phoned home all the time moaning about not being given chips she would get short shrift from me. If you're staying with people you are under an obligation to try to meet them half way. Yes there's nothing wrong with a pizza and burger but the OP shouldn't be expected to totally modify her family's diet to incorporate the whims of a teenager.

There's a middle ground here. He's 15 and it's normal for him not to want to eat vegetables etc but I wouldn't be shifting your entire life around to accommodate his beige eating habits.

In three months at that.

Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

I'm not convinced this hosting of children lark is for you, OP.

Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like but I'm not going to cook something separately for him, he can have what we're having!

You’d hate my lot - one vegan, one vegetarian (who’s also gluten and lactose intolerant) both of whom detest mushrooms. One who won’t eat curry, one who doesn’t do carbs. We always end up having several variations on a theme in every meal.

How hard is it to ask him what he wants and just give it to him?

I think you are being a bit harsh to just serve up food without ever considering what he actually wants.

My children wouldn't eat a lot of what you have mentioned. Yes they are fussy but I hope a host would consider them a little if not every day.

He may be finding dinner very stressful - if he doesn't like it surely it's a lot to expect a teen to say thank you? My children don't tend to say 'thanks for dinner' -

Maybe he could show you how to prepare something he likes or go shopping with you. It does sound like he's on the typical teenager diet of fast food and fizzy drinks so perhaps he's just not interested in healthy or varied meals even in Spain. Speak to him!

The lack of manners is annoying of course but I would be asking him what he likes, what sort of food he usually eats at home and trying that. I had similar on an exchange trip and my just family took me to the supermarket and asked me what I ate at home and got me bits that were familiar- I am far from a fussy eater but in someone elses house, where my language skills weren't the best it was nice to have some familiarity.

Could he show you how to cook something his parents cook for him at home maybe if he knows how too?

To be honest if that’s your attitude then I don’t think you should be a host family. You are there to care for a child and ensures he eats and you are being paid for it. . Whilst I understand not doing a separate meal for him insisting on cooking a meal you know he won’t eat , knowing he’s not going to eat anything is a bit redundant, instead think around the meal and add other items eg having bread he can make toast with, putting a plain chicken breast with rice instead of in a curry you are making, introducing pizza one night a week. Just minor changes.

in terms of manners just gently correct him. In England we sat please May we leave the table, we put our knife and fork together on a plate to show we have finished eating etc. Es here to leant about our way of life not just language

If the boy's parents are paying you to accommodate him then you should find something he likes to eat.
If you are hosting him as a favour to a friend for free then yeah tough he should eat what everyone else is having.

If he was an adult lodger paying for dinner what would you do?

@WontEatMyFood
Some people are very choosy,

that said, you can cook for me anytime.

all the best and positivity

So you’ve had a child in your house for 3 months, who is far from home and everything he knows, and who has barely eaten, and you haven’t asked him what foods he does like, to ensure he gets a meal down him. Instead this child just lives in your house probably fully aware of the fact that you now dislike him.
you don’t have to cook separately for him, see what he likes and if you can cook that for everyone.
he’s a kid. He might be homesick. He might be fussy. Who knows. But taking it personally for your own ego is ridiculous.