Do you become "invisible" in middle age?

[blebbleb]

I'm 38 so not quite there yet but as I'm getting older I'm worrying about becoming invisible and ignored as I get older. I'm fairly attractive and I'm worried this is my main redeeming feature and I'm boring otherwise! I do have a good job, friends, and family too. Hoping to hear stories where this isn't the case!

I dunno. I am 41 and single and I have men in their 20s lining up 😏 that sounds so conceited but it's true!
Men in their 30s/40s aren't interested though; maybe because they are looking to settle down and I'm not or because they have ex wives and kids and I want nothing to do with that ...so it's not going to be good for me in the long run, but for now I'm having the most fun of my life so I really don't care 😇

Thankfully most 52 year olds I know aren’t desperately clinging to some creepy ideal of looking like Tess Daly. They become mellow, funny, book reading, wine drinking, food loving lovely companions who don’t give a fig what they look like. The beauty of older ‘invisible’ women is that they finally see how shallow, dull and dick-oriented the male gaze really is and they discover the joy of mature female support networks.

I’m in my 40s and haven’t so far. I’m very interesting though.

I prefer it. Really didn’t like randoms letching and the weird under current with men I dealt with in my younger years eg garage mechanics /men at work. Am not unattractive now but once you hit mid 30s you are def “out of the game” - a relief.

You must be hot stuff

Most of the women I know have been mellow, funny, book reading, wine drinking, food loving lovely companions for the entire time I’ve known them and we’re mostly in our 30’s. There isn’t some switch that flicks at a certain age that makes you those things either. It also isn't appearance dependent.

Some people are conventionally attractive and those people will not become ‘invisible’ until they cease to be attractive. This is an observation, not a value judgement.

Oh please I’m way younger than you but men will like women at any age.

I would say at some point in my late 50's I noticed that I was standing at the bar longer, or the shop assistant didn't notice me or I was being passed over at meetings or no eye contact in the street, that sort of thing.

Together with the menopause it can knock your confidence because as you say, we are not invisible we are effectively just being ignored, and I think that is reflected in the media too.

I wouldn’t consider myself unattractive but I’ve never (apart from I was about 16 and wore micro miniskirts or when out drunk!) been hassled by men.

I think I give off a slightly posh haughty look.

I don’t think I’m ignored as I get older (mid 40’s) or get unwanted attention.

My Mum's 56 and we went to a nightclub about 3 years ago, she had men in their 20s dancing around her😬

I'm late 40s and I’m mostly invisible, which I prefer. I never really enjoyed the male gaze, it made me anxious. It was one of the things I enjoyed about pushing a pram, it had a similar effect.

Age exudes gravitas so career wise no.

Leering men tend to stop which is very welcome.

MI5 should recruit more middle aged women as spies, we’re invisible and resourceful.

Same.

I don’t know how to say this in a way which doesn’t sound arrogant and vain 🫣 but I know I’m slim and attractive, yet I almost never get hassled by men. I don’t purposefully dress in a “sexy” way but I don’t particularly dress to fade into the background either.

Oh god the micro mini bring back memories! Let's hope that never comes back!

There is a leery weird vibe you get as a young sexually attractive woman from men which definitely drops off as you age . That’s been my experience anyway. Not that I’m unattractive now - for my age - but it’s different.

It's genuinely so sad that many people on here are saying they 'used to be attractive' until they were 35, 40 or whatever.

The difference was noticeable once I hit 50.

I don’t think it’s to do with being sexually attractive but more looking younger.

Now, I'm the opposite. I'm 53 and it started at 13 and still goes on now.
My theory is its not about how good you look but the type of look you have. I think some women's appearance makes them appear particularly 'soft' and non threatening, weak almost, so they think they can get away with it without challenge.
There is literally nothing about me that says 'don't mess with me'. Even toughening up on clothes just gets me 'Aah, cute'. I look like a doll.
I think there's also some features that attract the leery types like a magnet. Blonde hair, especially if long, and curvy (in the old sense of the word) figures with big bums and breasts.

It's this for me too.

I have zero interest or care in the male gaze now (other than DH and Marcus Wareing, should our paths ever cross 😁).

I do think however that for many men if your not appealing to them physically anymore you're off their radar. Which as I say is fine unless we're in a work or perhaps service situation and that invisible thing manifests as not worth their attention? Bordering on ignorant or rude.

Which pisses me off. Luckily the need to "be nice " also legged it when the wrinkles arrived so I've no problem being assertive.

But it's so interesting how for many, the male gaze is so shallow.

Your username is very apt for your suggestion Love it!

I think for many we perhaps mean "appeal to the male gaze"!

Surely it's just acknowledging what men see as attractive (younger women), rather than denigrating themselves, so it's realistic rather than sad. I'm in my 50s and I like the way I look, and I dress to please myself. I get compliments from other women about my hair and clothes. But I look my age and I recognise that I am just not attractive to most men any more.

"That would be someone born between 1800-1899!"

When I was growing up most of the 'old people' would have been born before 1900.

You are still attractive to men, men don't think you're unattractive because you're older!
Who wants pervy men in white vans beeping at them, they'll do that to anyone who looks about 22 and under, because they're perverts

Men do start responding to you as ‘the mum in the room’ not as ‘someone who might be persuaded to sleep with me’. It ain’t all bad.

Enjoy the power of being ‘the mum’. Like when I was walking down a dark narrow lane (only way home) and saw three intimidating hoodies lingering under a bridge on my route. Just as I was wondering what to do, they saw me, looked sheepish, straightened up, put out their cigarettes and sloped off back to work at a nearby building site with an air of ‘oops mum spotted us skiving.’ They would not have reacted to me like that twenty years ago!

In meetings I find men are more prepared to let me ‘manage them’ and boss them about rather than patronise me as they would have done when I was younger 🤣🤷‍♀️