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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you become "invisible" in middle age?

255 replies

blebbleb · 15/12/2022 10:50

I'm 38 so not quite there yet but as I'm getting older I'm worrying about becoming invisible and ignored as I get older. I'm fairly attractive and I'm worried this is my main redeeming feature and I'm boring otherwise! I do have a good job, friends, and family too. Hoping to hear stories where this isn't the case!

OP posts:
PleaseDontSayEvriIsMyCourier · 15/12/2022 20:44

Not read read whole thread sorry! But no absolutely not I'm I'm my 20's and feel like everyone I know who is middle aged is the same really. I have really good female role models who are middle aged and I admire for the following reasons ( all different people )
-sister in law. Excellent mum, lovely person and a consistent, lovely energy about her. Easily one of my favourite people and someone I'd love to be like when I'm her age. I love how hands on she is with my nephews and nieces, always looking for fun things to do as a family and she contributes so much to the overall planning with our wider family and making great memories for us all.
-senior staff member who manages me- amazing woman, professional, great at her job and a wealth of experience that only comes from being in our profession from around my age to the age she is now. I hope I'm where she is when I'm 45!
-good friend ( former colleague ) who is hilarious, knows her stuff about fitness and got me really into taking care of myself as a hobby!
It's who you are not your age :) I've taken amazing advice recently that I don't have to have to be more interesting I jutted have to be more interested and applying it to my life heavily has worked wonders. Doesn't matter what age you are when you're living for the moment:)

MissMogwai · 15/12/2022 20:46

Tintime2022 · 15/12/2022 11:05

You most certainly are middle-aged. Most people do not live beyond 70 statistically and therefore at 35 you are well into middle-age and this is the enormous mistake that people make in the 35 years following the 35th birthday they do not realise how little time they have.
I’ve been to 2 funerals this year of women in their late 40s

What a joyful statement. Merry Christmas everyone 🎄🤣

Geppili · 15/12/2022 20:46

Most definitely.

PeaceJoySleep · 15/12/2022 20:52

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 15/12/2022 12:32

Yep.

I am 59 and could rob a bank in broad daylight without anyone taking notice.

Ha ha, try it!! I'll be your getaway driver and nobody will notice me either, 52 with SHORT hair

resipsa · 15/12/2022 20:57

I'm a runner (52) so fairly fit and lean. Cracks me up when the white vans come from behind with a head hanging out...then they spot the face and you can see the disappointment 🤣. I don't miss the attention.

DonnaBanana · 15/12/2022 20:58

I'm worrying about becoming invisible and ignored as I get older. I'm fairly attractive

Why would you want men letching over you? Eugh, no thanks.

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 15/12/2022 21:02

Tintime2022 · 15/12/2022 11:05

You most certainly are middle-aged. Most people do not live beyond 70 statistically and therefore at 35 you are well into middle-age and this is the enormous mistake that people make in the 35 years following the 35th birthday they do not realise how little time they have.
I’ve been to 2 funerals this year of women in their late 40s

The average life expectancy in the UK for 2022 is 83. Middle age would therefore be about 41, 42. At 63, I'm obviously ancient 😂and invisible to most people (Thankfully)

ThatsAboutEnoughOfThat · 15/12/2022 21:04

I always feels like I am missing key information on these threads.

I am 46, quite fat and always have been, but people are usually quite nice and welcoming to me. I have no issues getting quick service in places, assistance when I need it.

I am listened to at work, because I know my shit, and am quite senior these days so not listening to me isn't really an option...

I look 46, don't wear make up, not particularly attractive, just average, but have never felt either particularly visible or invisible.

What attention were you guys getting that you don't anymore? Because if anything I seem to get more respect these days, not less.

AlwaysGinPlease · 15/12/2022 21:05

Yes and it is wonderful! I love not being harassed. After years of it. Bliss!

UsingChangeofName · 15/12/2022 21:06

Agreed @ThatsAboutEnoughOfThat

Zanatdy · 15/12/2022 21:07

I’m 46 soon. I definitely don’t feel invisible. Career wise I’m doing well, that’s done wonders to my confidence. I feel like I know what I want out of life so much more than when I was younger. I’ve just met a man too who fancies me and the feeling is mutual, it’s so exciting being in a new relationship again. I feel far from invisible right now

Bestcatmum · 15/12/2022 21:08

I'm 60 and I don't get male attention any more boohoo (not) but everyone else is lovely to me. I find people are much more willing to talk to me and serve me in shops.

OldTinHat · 15/12/2022 21:08

Invisible to whom?? People who matter or people who don't?

MumUndone · 15/12/2022 21:14

Tintime2022 · 15/12/2022 11:05

You most certainly are middle-aged. Most people do not live beyond 70 statistically and therefore at 35 you are well into middle-age and this is the enormous mistake that people make in the 35 years following the 35th birthday they do not realise how little time they have.
I’ve been to 2 funerals this year of women in their late 40s

Well that's a jolly thought

UWhatNow · 15/12/2022 21:22

You’ve only got to look at how Amanda is completely overlooked as a potential traitor in the BBC’s The Traitors. She attractive and lovely but she’s not in anybody’s sights as they've already mentally dismissed her as just a ‘nice middle aged lady’ - and all the younger people have gone back to focussing on themselves. I hope she takes them all out and wins the money.

So yes - I have a thousand examples of where I’m completely invisible because I’m 52. MI6 needs to recruit us ‘invisibles’ - I could do anything in a public place and literally no one would notice or care.

Rummikub · 15/12/2022 21:29

www.mi5.gov.uk/careers/quizzes

Original poster
blebbleb · 15/12/2022 21:56

Dottymug · 15/12/2022 20:07

I'm in my 60s and don't feel invisible. Confidence is definitely key. If you stay quiet you'll go unnoticed, so speak up if you're being ignored. It's quite sad Op that you feel your value is so tied to your looks and that your personality is somehow lacking. Nobody's going to write 'she was a good-looking woman' on your gravestone. Find your positive character traits (you will have some) and develop those.

Yes I think a lot of it is insecurities regarding my good qualities. I've also read too many Mumsnet posts saying women are overlooked and ignored as they get older. I definitely find I'm taken more seriously than I was in my 20s but I was wondering if there was a switch at some point I suppose. Good to hear that's not the case!

OP posts:
Dottymug · 15/12/2022 22:22

@blebbleb you might be ignored by men who enjoy leering at attractive women but the loss of that attention is 100% gain. In my experience, it's my female friends who I lean on for support and go to for a laugh. It's the men my age who've got old and boring.

mast0650 · 15/12/2022 23:07

entropynow · 15/12/2022 20:20

35 was never middle aged. Not to anyone I've ever spoken to, including people born in the 19th century

Show quote history

35 was never middle aged. Not to anyone I've ever spoken to, including people born in the 19th century

How many people have you spoken to who were born in the 19th century??

Thedogscollar · 15/12/2022 23:11

Tintime2022 · 15/12/2022 11:05

You most certainly are middle-aged. Most people do not live beyond 70 statistically and therefore at 35 you are well into middle-age and this is the enormous mistake that people make in the 35 years following the 35th birthday they do not realise how little time they have.
I’ve been to 2 funerals this year of women in their late 40s

Rubbish. Age expectancy in UK is over 70 and saying you're middle aged at 35 is just bonkers.

Oakbeam · 15/12/2022 23:21

How many people have you spoken to who were born in the 19th century??

I’m glad you aren’t asking me that question, because the answer would be quite a few.

UsingChangeofName · 15/12/2022 23:29

How many people have you spoken to who were born in the 19th century??

Recently ? None
In my lifetime ? Loads
Why is that seen as odd ?

Freezingfreda · 15/12/2022 23:36

Life expectancy varies depending on demographic. Glasgow being pretty low. A healthy life is only expected until age 54 in Glasgow. After that hrs health problems and medication for most .The southern coil goes score best which is not surprising

RishisProudMum · 15/12/2022 23:46

I think it depends on how you look. There’s not some switch that flicks off when you hit a certain age. If you’re 52 and look like Tess Daly, you’ll still be turning heads for quite some time.

mamabear715 · 16/12/2022 00:24

@UsingChangeofName That would be someone born between 1800-1899!