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Original poster

Do you become "invisible" in middle age?

255 replies

blebbleb · 15/12/2022 10:50

I'm 38 so not quite there yet but as I'm getting older I'm worrying about becoming invisible and ignored as I get older. I'm fairly attractive and I'm worried this is my main redeeming feature and I'm boring otherwise! I do have a good job, friends, and family too. Hoping to hear stories where this isn't the case!

OP posts:
5128gap · 15/12/2022 18:21

No. I think women are 'invisible' when they fade into the background because their appearance is generic and uniform. Non descript clothes, hair and so on, ordinary looking. This can be the case at 20 as much as at 50. As far as certain types of men are concerned its when the woman is not attractive to them. So an attractive older woman can be more visible than a plain younger one.

RUNPMTS · 15/12/2022 18:31

What on earth is this snipers alley that you're all going on about?!! And should I be worried?!

DOBARDAN · 15/12/2022 18:39

I'm female, in my mid sixties,
Am only average in looks,
Have always been a few stones overweight,
Yet still get attention from men, very often it is unwanted,
I don't think it has much to do with how attractive you perceive yourself to be,
My main bit of advice to you would be not to validate yourself by how much, or how little, attention you receive from men, at ANY age.

user1471538283 · 15/12/2022 18:44

In my experience there is less attention but the quality is better!

EmmaAgain22 · 15/12/2022 18:44

RUNPMTS · 15/12/2022 18:31

What on earth is this snipers alley that you're all going on about?!! And should I be worried?!

I only heard of it here

I think it's deaths aged 40 - 50.

Afreshstar · 15/12/2022 18:44

I feel when I was growing up in the 90s middle aged was 40 upwards. but now people regard it as 50-65ish because a lot of people are doing things later In life, dressing “younger” for longer and life expectancy has increased slightly ( although the pandemic took some years of it)

I definitely wouldn’t say 35-65 is middle aged, the description/category becomes meaningless if it’s that broad to cover such a wide range of people. Most 35 year olds have young kids or teens and/or very career focused whereas many 65 year olds are close to retiring and/or have grandkids on the way, attending their adult childrens weddings etc. Perhaps 35 was middle aged to older generations but certainly
not now.

angharadsgoat · 15/12/2022 18:50

RUNPMTS
What on earth is this snipers alley that you're all going on about?!! And should I be worried?!

I only heard of it here
I
think it's deaths aged 40 - 50.

Yes, that's right. Though the age range seems to vary anything from mid 50s to mid 50s, all the way up to late 50s. The idea is if you can dodge the bullets here you possibly have a good couple of decades ahead.

I'm sure someone else will be able to explain better than I have, but that's the general idea.

angharadsgoat · 15/12/2022 18:51

Mid 40s to mid 50s.

EmmaAgain22 · 15/12/2022 18:55

angharadsgoat · 15/12/2022 18:50

RUNPMTS
What on earth is this snipers alley that you're all going on about?!! And should I be worried?!

I only heard of it here
I
think it's deaths aged 40 - 50.

Yes, that's right. Though the age range seems to vary anything from mid 50s to mid 50s, all the way up to late 50s. The idea is if you can dodge the bullets here you possibly have a good couple of decades ahead.

I'm sure someone else will be able to explain better than I have, but that's the general idea.

Oh christ, so if I am still here in my 50s I'm at risk of old age?

is this one of those "warped stats" that are so fashionable now?

i always said George Michael age was more than enough.....at least, I've been saying it since he died.

I cannot contemplate old age. We have terrible longevity problems in my family.

sorry OP, let's go back to lechy men...even that's more cheerful!

angharadsgoat · 15/12/2022 18:58

Oh christ, so if I am still here in my 50s I'm at risk of old age?

Yes you are Grin

EmmaAgain22 · 15/12/2022 19:01

angharadsgoat · 15/12/2022 18:58

Oh christ, so if I am still here in my 50s I'm at risk of old age?

Yes you are Grin

Really not funny.

I have taken up smoking but it's been too cold the last few days.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 15/12/2022 19:06

These threads are terribly depressing.

Who cares what other people (men), see you as!

As long as you are happy, confident and living life the way you want to, why would you care whether some you don't know, notices you or not.

If you're in a pub and not being served and you think it's because you're 'invisible', speak up.

Confidence is key

newnamethanks · 15/12/2022 19:08

Yes you do OP unless you make an effort not to do so. Personally, I like it.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2022 19:17

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 15/12/2022 19:06

These threads are terribly depressing.

Who cares what other people (men), see you as!

As long as you are happy, confident and living life the way you want to, why would you care whether some you don't know, notices you or not.

If you're in a pub and not being served and you think it's because you're 'invisible', speak up.

Confidence is key

This.

BirmaBrite · 15/12/2022 19:33

I've just secured a position as a private investigator as I'm of that age where I can just fade into the background. Ideal for following people as no one gives a second glance

I imagine women of a certain age make the best spies.

LaQuern · 15/12/2022 19:34

No, absolutely the opposite.

With middle age came confidence!

DesertIslandCondiment · 15/12/2022 19:43

I'm neither invisible or elderly at 50.

Dottymug · 15/12/2022 20:07

I'm in my 60s and don't feel invisible. Confidence is definitely key. If you stay quiet you'll go unnoticed, so speak up if you're being ignored. It's quite sad Op that you feel your value is so tied to your looks and that your personality is somehow lacking. Nobody's going to write 'she was a good-looking woman' on your gravestone. Find your positive character traits (you will have some) and develop those.

UsingChangeofName · 15/12/2022 20:12

No.
I'm late 50s and no less visible than in any other decade.
Only ever seen this as supposed to be a 'thing' on MN, and I know a LOT of people my age and older.

Echobelly · 15/12/2022 20:15

I'm 45 and haven't noticed becoming invisible, but then I never got any male attention in the first place 😂

Other friends have noticed it but they've also mostly been glad they can get on with their lives without men imposing themselves.

entropynow · 15/12/2022 20:18

Plain woman here. Always been invisible in the sense you mean.
Cultivate your other good qualities, they will be with you longer.

entropynow · 15/12/2022 20:20

Afreshstar · 15/12/2022 18:44

I feel when I was growing up in the 90s middle aged was 40 upwards. but now people regard it as 50-65ish because a lot of people are doing things later In life, dressing “younger” for longer and life expectancy has increased slightly ( although the pandemic took some years of it)

I definitely wouldn’t say 35-65 is middle aged, the description/category becomes meaningless if it’s that broad to cover such a wide range of people. Most 35 year olds have young kids or teens and/or very career focused whereas many 65 year olds are close to retiring and/or have grandkids on the way, attending their adult childrens weddings etc. Perhaps 35 was middle aged to older generations but certainly
not now.

35 was never middle aged. Not to anyone I've ever spoken to, including people born in the 19th century

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/12/2022 20:33

It’s just different.

I don’t get looked up and down the way I did in my teens/20s/early 30s, but people jump to it at work or in service situations in a way that they didn’t when I was younger.

I don’t mind the switch at all, everything has a season. But I realise I am saying this as a middle class professional woman.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/12/2022 20:36

entropynow · 15/12/2022 20:20

35 was never middle aged. Not to anyone I've ever spoken to, including people born in the 19th century

Show quote history

It’s early middle age.

I don’t think over 35 could be seen as young, even now.

middle aged / mid life just means in the middle of your life.

Certainly a 35 year old is classed as a middle adult when it comes to analysing skeletons in an archaeological context.

EmergentThoughts · 15/12/2022 20:37

My life's worth isn't defined by attention from men. So, I don't know if I'm "invisible" and I don't care.