TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

Some TAs are wonderful. Some are awful. It’s good to know my amenable and well behaved child is a robot though.

I don’t recognise your username. Do you name change a lot? No, but I definitely wouldn’t be bragging about making a four year old cry and dishing out parenting advice in the same post.

100% precious first baby syndrome going on here.

OP the TA does not 'hate' a 4 year old, step back and think how utterly ridiculous that sounds.

Also the fact you are so DESPERATE to hammer home how everyone else tells you your daughter is a adorable little angel is cringey... people say that shit to ALL kids even the bratty ones (actually 'worst' kids seem to get it more because they are little shits attention grabbers and people are looking for 'polite' things to say to the parent in condolance of the fact they feel sorry for them having to deal with it)

Independent, spirited, strong willed, headstrong, boys will be boys, lively, energetic etc... even things like inteligent (usually used to mean doing something they aren't suppose to like escaping) aren't actually compliments and experianced mams know its a polite way people say they are 'hard fucking work'.

I feel so sorry for teachers having to deal with these kids that have had such poor lazy parenting. No wonder so many burnout and quit.

I don’t know what that means. You’re not the same as the TA because you’re talking about your own kid. But you make your own kid cry, then criticise the OP’s parenting. Have a look a bit closer to home.

I am a teacher and a mum to five kids so seen both sides. I think you are been defensive. Like others said your language is defensive. I do t know the situation but can't comment!. However, the TA may or may not be treating your child unreasonably but you can't just go on what you think. Speaking to other parents is not a valid reason and I personally would mention it in passing to the class teacher.

You say she's sly about her behaviour towards your child, but did she not "storm her down the corridor" right to you? How has she been sly? That's pretty open.
As for speaking to a child about the same thing, in a kinder way, this could have been for several reasons, including the fact she may well have said the same things several times to your child previously. Or other issues with the other child that you do not need to know about
You mention that she happily chat to other parents. Do you resent that, or are you worried you and your child are on the outskirts of a group or something? As for the comment about the other child being more challenging than yours, that's really none of your business.
I think, that underlying all of this, you are upset you have not made the same connection with the TA that the other mums have.

This one time, I made a child cry because I told them mummy would pick them up at the end of the day because she had to go to work.
Another time a child cried because I put ob and blon on and they didn't like the noise.
Children have cried when I have asked them to sit down on the carpet.
Children cry. It is not really an indication of the seriousness of the command or whatever nonsense Pumper comes up with. Just so you know, most schools thoroughly recommend children not being naked in the snow...

Honestly, this sounds like the first in many non events that will mean op is the most widely avoided parent in school.

It sounds to me like op objects to an adult asking her child to put her coat on.

That's a pretty basic instruction and if op can't cope with that without accusations of abuse and turning her child into a robot then I dread to think what she's going to do when her child is asked to do something actually difficult like phonics or maths.

I am calling bullshit if you even try to sit here and claim you have never done anything to make your child cry,

Never said no to more cake, no to running in the road, no to doing something dangerous or just plain stupid.

She’s not the only one who finishes earlier. It was an option given by this small school.

My comment of ‘strong willed’ has certainly been miss ready. My first child was SO laid back that having a second who is not quite so laid back, it is more noticeable to me. She’s certainly not as ‘strong willed’ as many of the children and certainly not as people are interpreting her.

No, children especially children can cry over very small things, especially strong willed ones who aren't getting their way.

Some occasions I got an angry reaction from parents for making their child cry:
I once had an EYFS child cry as child brought in cakes for birthday and I couldn't let him have one due to allergies.
An 8 year old would cry leaving swimming every week without fail as I made her put her tights back on to walk back to school.
A 6 year old cried as I told her off for pulling another child's hair.
The parents certainly learnt to not just take their kids word in future.

Children cry, there is such a thing as context.

So Pumper it's lovely that you have a job where you're quite happy to work for free and such an understanding boss that is fine with you being late on a regular basis. You must tell us where you work so all us non-saints can give up our job and maybe get paid more in such a fine nurturing organisation as yours.

No, I have, but I don’t relish in it. I don’t think it’s part of being a parent or something to aspire to.

I’m a teacher. I don’t do it for the love of children, I do it for money and holidays.

My god this thread is bitchy.

Yes sure… so that shitty teachers and TAs get to treat children poorly.

Great advice. Clearly a Tory lover. Accept shocking and substandard public services or do it yourself! Idiot.

No one is relishing in anything, you are wild

I agree! As a teacher too

Yeah please don’t take that posters advice and homeschool, poor kids!

Me too.

No but alot of them go into because of the convenience. School hours, school holidays off.

Tonne fair OP that is girly common for a lot of kids! They have concentrated at school and will be tired so behaviour does change and can often be different at home

YABU. Your daughter sounds badly behaved. If you don’t like how the school operates, you’re welcome to homeschool her so she can have a ‘personality and a different opinion’.

Pumperthepumper · Today 20:22
I’m a teacher. I don’t do it for the love of children, I do it for money and holidays.

If money and holidays is your focus, you're in the wrong job.