TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

My DM used to be a teacher back in the days when there weren’t TAs. She was lucky as she likes kids and made learning fun. I’ve witnessed other teachers speak about kids (primary) whom I wouldn’t speak about an animal the way they spoke. A lot of kids were just kids.

If I were OP I’d be trying to get her DD to listen more and do what the TA says rather than be strong willed.

I’ve picked up DNephew and often it’s like herding cats trying to get 4 year olds out of the door. I will say if you listen (DNephew isn’t always an angel by any means but he had great nursery workers and good parenting) and he got compliments recently by the school secretary on how polite he’d been (getting a sandwich from after school club). Teachers and staff love it if the kids are polite and pleasant and amenable.

Don’t be so silly

You are her parent - that’s completely different to being told off by a person you’re already scared of in a setting still very new to you. It’s actually unbelievable how people take delight in an upset child. It doesn’t make you a better person for making a very little human cry.

@BelleandH

My child certainly isn’t a robot, she won’t be told by a grumpy adult and respond

well, she needs to 'be told' by school staff! She's at school, she needs to be taught to do as she's told, not only when an adult sing songs requests & cajoles her!

stop accusing well behaved children of being robots.

your DD might not have to be at school all day, but it would help her. I'm sorry she had a more severe lock down than many, but she's not a special little princess who gets to choose what she wants to do at school. She needs to do as she's told!!

I generally rush to the defence of TAs because most of the ones I've worked with are simply wonderful. However, there are always exceptions. Some get little in the way of training or just don't have the right temperament for the role.

If you really feel strongly, OP, then complain. But make sure you are calm and measured. Be armed with relevant facts - inappropriate words she has said to your child or behaviours that have caused distress to your child, and talk about how this violates school policy. Don't start banging on about 'she talks to the other parents for longer than she talks to me'. Heads are busy people and they don't have time to deal with personality clashes between parents and staff.

Very clearly not the circumstance OP shared and totally incomparable.

I hope someone else makes your DD cry because they’ve dragged her around. But maybe that’s ok in your household. Concerning really!

Your child was upset by the actions of the classroom assistant. Maybe it's best to explore why that was and take it from there.
You'll need to be much more objective in how you describe the behaviour in order to be listened to. My 23 yr old who never got into trouble in her life was reflecting recently on how a yr 2 teacher had treated her very unfairly. It's something she's never forgotten and it's foolish to think some children aren't discriminated against.

Helpful comment

Bloody hell! The language on this thread is an absolute disgrace. This child is four years old! Four. She is not a nightmare! She is four. She behaves like a four year old as she is a four year old. She is not meant to be compliant or easy. Because she is four.

The problem is sticking kids that age in a classroom. Its a disgrace we do this in this country. Because so many kids are unable to cope with the expectations placed on them. They are programmed to move and be active and explore and experiment and to want to spend time on the things that interest them. Its only a minority of countries in the world that have such young children in school and they are all former British colonies.

I have spent time in nursery classrooms and spent time in proper play focussed early years settings. Despite the fact that the nursery classrooms I was in were in nice affluent areas and the play based early years settings were in deprived estates, I saw more conflict between the children in the rich areas nursery classrooms. Because they were in a much smaller space with much more limited play opportunities.

Its not the kids' behaviour that is the problem. Its us, the adults, who are putting children in an environment that is causing that behaviour.

Who has taken delight?

Its a fact that just making a 4 year old cry doesn’t mean much, 4 year olds cry for a very wide range of unreasonable and silly reasons on a daily basis at times, especially those who are strong willed and not seemingly taught how to behave at home…

Dragged her around, you really are silly

I've suspected for a while that MN teachers don't even bother reading a thread before pasting in some martyred hyperbole like this. Now I know it's true!

What other incidents are there other than this? Because this alone is barely an incident.

You sound like every teachers nightmare. You say strong willed, the rest of the world says naughty. You say she won't listen to a grumpy adult, the rest of us say she won't do as she's told unless she wants to do it. Stop making excuses and support your child PROPERLY or every teacher and TA you come across will avoid you

Most of the children I know whose parents describe them as 'strong willed' are actually quite badly behaved in our school and cause us no end of grief and disruption in classes and outside at playtimes.

Great comeback 😂

How can she be a lockdown child if shes 4? My child is 4 and was born in 2018. Lockdown was 2020

misses the whole point of the thread

Please homeschool.

I know its not the point but a lockdown child isn't 4....

Strong willed, read, badly behaved

So a strong willed child was refusing to follow a given expectation, probably delaying the TA from getting their lunch/playground duty/afternoon prep so uses their stern voice in order to hurry things along. Child cries because they don't like being told what to do. From that you jump to the TA not liking your child. TA's love the kids, that's why we do it for such poor wages, it's parents and the behaviors they teach their children that we dislike.

No, she should follow your excellent parenting and make her cry just to show her who’s boss! Pathetic.

Oh now I made her cry to show her who was boss, not because I didn’t want her freezing her bum cheeks off naked in the snow,

Your comments are always a bit odd but you seem to have gone further off the deep end than usual tonight Pumper

Go to see the Headteacher and speak to them in a calm, polite manner and give the full facts. Make sure you put it in writing too.

I regret never speaking up when my eldest Son had two terrible teachers. Only complained at home with Hubby, then realised later on all the other parents thought the same. Never wanted to be that parent, even though it was clear both teachers were not up to the job (both young, both left to work in other professions very quickly). The teachers that have replaced them are brilliant.

Its your child’s education and happiness at school, so speak up if you really believe there is a genuine issue.

Bollocks. TAs do it for the same reason anyone does any job - money and holidays. You’re not saints. And making a four year old cry because you’re late for your lunch means you shouldn’t be anywhere near a school.