TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

My sister is a teacher and she says the worse of teaching are the parents, op you remind me to one of those parents she describes.

4yr old child vs adult TA - and the finger gets pointed at the toddler?

@PissedOffAmericanWoman same reason you believe the OP one side of the story plus she said she put her coat on or wrestled ? Plus as a parent you see plenty of parebts who think their lids shot don't stink and always go guns a blazing and the Op has a huge dislike fpr schools ? Plus its a public forum and we can read into it what we like
If people don't like the answers don't post

@PissedOffAmericanWoman were the OP's comments ok then as i only see one post being deleted .

Is it possible your dd was upset because she was going home? ie once again having to leave knowing her classmates were going to spend the afternoon playing together without her?

😂😂

100% This.

And yes, I know the thread has moved on.

@BelleandH Stand strong and advocate for your child. Remind them that parents are placing a great deal of trust in the school to take care of their child/ren while you are not there. And that you want to be able to trust the school, the teachers, the teachers aid or assistant with your child. Then follow up with: when I saw… doing… and my child sobbing it makes me feel concerned about…

Familiarise yourself with the school’s policies and procedures. Research the regulations, duty of care and the requirements for schools.

It is perfectly understandable to feel emotional about this but it will help you a lot to be objective and factual.

To be fair, I think the finger is being pointed at the 4yr old's parent

Maybe the TA is awful.

Maybe she isn't.

Based on this post, there's absolutely no way to tell.

But in the kindest possible sense OP, you sound a bit sensitive and dramatic. Not to mention pretty rude and judgey. Some of your comments have been awful. Given how you've been here, it's not hard to imagine that the problem is with you rather than the TA.

However, for the sake of being indulgent, let's assume you're not in the wrong. At the moment, your "complaint" consists of the fact that the TA used a sharper tone of voice with your child, and that they asked your child to put their coat on when leaving - bearing in mind we're in the middle of a snow/icy snap with minus temperatures outside. There's also an apparent eye roll which may or may not have been about your child.

There's nothing there for anyone to be able to objectively consider a complaint. If you really believe there's a problem, you'll need to be able to present more convincing proof. No school in the world is going to discipline a TA for a sharp tone and asking a child to wear a coat. You need to present objective and factual information which is substantial - and if you have witnesses to corroborate your complaint, even better.

Also, it's worth considering the differences between school and home education. With a class full of children to look after, there's just not the same flexibility that there is with home education. Teachers need children to do what they're asked to do - and putting her coat on isn't unreasonable. If you're not happy with this approach, that's fair enough - but then maybe a school education isn't the right option.

And I say this as a home educator myself. Schools and teachers don't have the time to accommodate every child in the class who decides they're going to ignore requests and just do their own thing.

@BelleandH

are you always so ageist op?

you sound very rude

@MadameMackenzie

you clearly don’t actually know what the word abuse means

@Managinggenzoclock

Ex teacher here too. I would have written exactly what you did....

This whole thread is nuts. The TA insisted the child puts her coat on, cos them's the rules, and the child cried because she didn't want her coat on. That was the extent of the 'incident' as far as I can make out. Mum was upset that her child had been made to do something she didn't want to do, and complained to the HT, accusing TA of being a 'middle-aged woman who is only holding on for her pension' (bet that raised a bitter laugh from any TAs on the thread) Several posters agreed that the TA must indeed be a nasty bully, because they knew a TA who was unkind once, so that's enough proof to hang the woman.

Several posters agreed that the TA must indeed be a nasty bully, because they knew a TA who was unkind once, so that's enough proof to hang the woman.

It’s possible that the TA was unprofessional. But from my experience, unprofessional or ‘bully’ TAs are outnumbered by batshit parents by about 1000 to 1… I’d err on the side of caution and say the TA did nothing wrong in this instance, especially as the terrible behaviour in question is, shock horror, insisting a child put a coat on in cold weather when they don’t want to wear it.

Think of this thread next time a good teacher leaves your child's school, or they struggle to recruit, or they struggle to get supply. Parents are the worst part of the job by a mile. Most are lovely but the handful that treat us like staff, who can't accept that we are human and make mistakes or have bad days, run us into the ground. It is like dealing with a horrible customer in a shop, except every day for a year.

Your child wasn't a lockdown child. Lockdown children were born in lockdown. My daughter was 6 months when lockdown happen and she isn't a "lockdown" child. Just spent time in lockdown like everyone else

Also, just to caveat, we had to shield too as my husband is clinically vulnerable! Tough old year that was!

Yes some teachers and TA's do play favourites and yes they can be quick to snap at the 'naughty' ones. So yes your child may well not be particularly liked by her staff due to her behaviour. Also if your child would typically do a full day and you have opted to do half this will annoy the school as they will blame the child's behaviour on you and the fact that you have chosen not to do full days. They will see it as an insult that you don't want her there full time. So it's very likely they dislike you too. I'd expect her parents evening to show she's not on target as they would prefer children to do full days.

“She is used to being spoken to not dictated to by some middle age woman who quite obviously hates her job but is clinging on for her pension!!”
You come across as quite vitriolic and unpleasant, OP. If the TA is kind and thoughtful with other parents, she is clearly not hating her job.
If she is kind and respectful towards other parents, the problem might be you?
Congrats on home-schooling your older dd to GCSE English, by the way. What grades did she get?

My god this poor TA! Sorry .. middle aged old bag I should say! She's sly, a gossip, unprofessional, an eye roller. She probably knows you despise her. Or maybe you just despise all middle aged women? You sound nuts.

I hope I am wrong but you really do sound like “ that “ parent.
A complete nightmare to be honest. My advice would be to de register your child and home school her yourself.

You’ll be doing the school a favour as well.

You have a point, but in the classroom setting where the upset is being caused, there is only the TA and the child present so I believe the TA needs to take responsibility here - I do think that if the child’s behaviour is disruptive then she should arrange a meeting with the parents to address it (I’m assuming this hasn’t been done as OP didn’t mention anything)

Money and holidays are you taking the piss?

Good grief - that poor TA!
I work as a TA - and I’m probably classed as a middle age woman! Trust me I’m not ‘hanging on for my pension’ as I’m paid minimum wage I can’t actually afford to pay into a pension…. That point aside….

Reception is largely about getting children used to the school environment and to learn to follow instructions from adults - without this basic level of compliance in place no learning can continue. Most problems with reception-aged children would not happen if they just did as they were told! If you have a class of 30 4 and 5 year olds you don’t have the time to ask each one individually to decide to put their coat on or not, you’d never get out to break time / home time / whatever.

yes there are some unpleasant teachers and TAs out there, but I guarantee they are outnumbered by the crazy parents! The issue is often caused because the child is usually the parents whole world, and the parent can’t understand why that isn’t true of the TA or teacher. Whereas the staff tend to view the ‘strong willed’ child as ‘that one that always pulls 90% of my time trying to get them to do what they have been asked and thus preventing me actually teaching the rest of the class’.

Children have to learn to comply at school - because I can’t do maths intervention if I have little Maggie on the playground refusing to come in from break so I have to supervise her. I can’t do my small-group English tasks if I’m sitting in the library trying to prevent ‘strong willed’ stevie trashing the place because he was asked to put on a coat. I can’t teach phonics if little Terry is disrupting the group by spitting and sticking his middle finger up and everyone and climbing over the furniture. We can’t run trips if we are worried that Mavis and Norman are going to climb all over the seats in the theatre, throw sweets (that they weren’t meant to have but Mummy decided she knew best) and try to get out of the seats on the bus, endangering themselves and the staff member who has to get up to tell them to sit back down.

half the time the teachers fear and dread bringing up poor behaviour with parents because of the abuse we get back - the teacher I work with was shouted at and called ‘fucking incompetent’ last week because she had to deal with the ‘Norman’ in the above incident at the panto trip. We are not running it again because we don’t want the hassle - they can stay at school and learn something instead next year.

All the other examples are things that have happened to me in the last 3 or 4 weeks.

we have a horrible recruitment and retention problem in education - staff leave and can’t be replaced - because we don’t want to have to deal with the continuous bad behaviour from some children, which is only reinforced and backed up by the parents, who become unreasonable at the suggestion that their little ‘strong willed’ Timmy might like to learn to do as he is asked and some back up from home would be appreciated.

i wish more parents could come and volunteer in schools, especially key stage 1, to see how hard it actually is. I really feel sorry for the kids in all of this.

No. It’s a fact.