Page 15 | TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

BelleandH · 2022-12-14T17:43:06+00:00

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse. I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine) today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears. I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts. DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful. AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

Original poster

BelleandH · 15/12/2022 07:18

In fact her parents evening was around 4 weeks ago and because her behaviour is far worse when she leaves school I question whether this was also the case in school. I was told that she is very well behaved, polite, involved etc…above what they would expect with regards to her phonics. Has a large group of friends all across the school. There wasn’t 1 negative which was great.
and I can read into comments which were negative but presented as a positive and there were none of those either.

DD didn’t cry because she was told to put her coat on. She cried because the TA’s conduct was rude, abrupt and out of control, she lost her rag and her professionalism which was easily picked up on by DD. One of the other 4 year olds who was leaving at the same time even comforteded her because of it. They are children but my 4 year old certainly isn’t stupid and knows when an adult is not behaving appropriately.
How do they expect a 4 year old to be ha are when an adult can’t even do it.

OP posts:

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 07:21

@Pumperthepumper
"No. It’s a fact."

TAs don't get paid for holidays.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 07:22

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 07:21

@Pumperthepumper
"No. It’s a fact."

TAs don't get paid for holidays.

I know. But they don’t have to be in school for holidays.

donttellmehesalive · 15/12/2022 07:33

Her parents evening sounds very positive. IME children who are very unhappy at school do not thrive. So I would assume that she is doing very well at school and the TA was having an off moment, as anyone can at the end of a long day. Try getting to know her a little bit and I bet you'll find she isn't the dragon you think she is.

Untitledsquatboulder · 15/12/2022 07:35

Managinggenzoclock · 14/12/2022 17:52

Recently. I really wish this was a problem from yesteryear ….

So let's get this straight. In any other setting you would have reported these people to the police but as they were working with vulnerable, small children you did - nothing? Do you know how fucked up that sounds?

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 07:37

@Pumperthepumper
*
Hobbi
@Pumperthepumper
"No. It’s a fact."

TAs don't get paid for holidays.

I know. But they don’t have to be in school for holidays.*

So, minimum wage and forced to take 3 months unpaid leave at the most expensive times of the year, but in for the money and holidays. Ok.

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 08:02

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Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 08:06

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 07:37

@Pumperthepumper
*
Hobbi
@Pumperthepumper
"No. It’s a fact."

TAs don't get paid for holidays.

I know. But they don’t have to be in school for holidays.*

So, minimum wage and forced to take 3 months unpaid leave at the most expensive times of the year, but in for the money and holidays. Ok.

Yes. Because it’s convenient around their children’s school holidays.

We need to stop saintifying people who work in schools. With your attitude there is absolutely no incentive to pay them more.

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 09:36

When I was a ta I had no children.
I happen to be good with children. You know, don't let them out in the snow without suitable clothing because I don't want them to freeze. That sort of thing.
It's quite frankly appalling and frightening how little tas are paid considering quite a lot of the time they are better trained than teachers and responsible for children.
Meanwhile you have self identified teachers like yourself @Pumperthepumper who spout nonsense like making a child cry with a direct request is child abuse.
The facts and they are facts here are a child was asked to do something and the parent and child don't like it. No abuse. Although as a teacher you should know that the nspcc consider not dressing a child appropriately for the weather is considered neglect. I dread to think what your class is like with your non behaviour management skills. So what, you ask a child to put their coat on and they say no. What do you do?

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 09:50

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 09:36

When I was a ta I had no children.
I happen to be good with children. You know, don't let them out in the snow without suitable clothing because I don't want them to freeze. That sort of thing.
It's quite frankly appalling and frightening how little tas are paid considering quite a lot of the time they are better trained than teachers and responsible for children.
Meanwhile you have self identified teachers like yourself @Pumperthepumper who spout nonsense like making a child cry with a direct request is child abuse.
The facts and they are facts here are a child was asked to do something and the parent and child don't like it. No abuse. Although as a teacher you should know that the nspcc consider not dressing a child appropriately for the weather is considered neglect. I dread to think what your class is like with your non behaviour management skills. So what, you ask a child to put their coat on and they say no. What do you do?

No. I didn’t say that, you’ve confused me with someone else. In what way are TAs trained better than teachers?

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 09:53

In the way that many of them have QTS and are ex teachers who took a step back.
I don't believe you are a teacher. You cannot know that.
I'm not confusing you with anyone. You are digging yourself a nice little whole on behalf of a parent who has no complaint and seems a nasty bully to boot.

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 09:59

Hole not whole before you try and use that as some kind of superiority point. You are not better than your colleagues just because you could afford a pgce.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 09:59

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 09:53

In the way that many of them have QTS and are ex teachers who took a step back.
I don't believe you are a teacher. You cannot know that.
I'm not confusing you with anyone. You are digging yourself a nice little whole on behalf of a parent who has no complaint and seems a nasty bully to boot.

Quote where I said making a child cry was abuse. You can’t.

Its ridiculous to say that TAs are better trained than teachers on the off-chance they’re ex-teachers themselves. Surely that means they’re equally as trained, in that very specific circumstance?

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 10:00

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 09:59

Hole not whole before you try and use that as some kind of superiority point. You are not better than your colleagues just because you could afford a pgce.

You’re the one who made the comparison, not me.

Spanglemum · 15/12/2022 10:01

Hi OP, although I think you're being somewhat emotional and defensive I think you're right. I'm a school governor and you do sometimes get teachers or TAs who have been in the school a long time and are bullies. If the complaint to the Head doesn't bring satisfaction then complain to the Governors about the original complaint and how the Head handled it.
If it was indoors and your daughter was being handed over to you she didn't need to put her coat on.

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 10:03

A qualified teacher who has taken a step back will have years more experience than an nqt so yes, often they are more qualified.
This is not uncommon in schools. Most teaching assistants have good qualifications+experience.

Your attitude drips with contempt for your colleagues.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 10:08

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 10:03

A qualified teacher who has taken a step back will have years more experience than an nqt so yes, often they are more qualified.
This is not uncommon in schools. Most teaching assistants have good qualifications+experience.

Your attitude drips with contempt for your colleagues.

Thats not true. My contempt is saved for the people who argue that they do it for the love of children, and pretend money isn’t a factor. It just means they continue to be paid peanuts.

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 10:11

I think you are confused. They do it because they are good at childcare/education. It's just unlucky for them that skill is so poorly valued in society.
A by product will be because they enjoy being with children.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 10:33

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 10:11

I think you are confused. They do it because they are good at childcare/education. It's just unlucky for them that skill is so poorly valued in society.
A by product will be because they enjoy being with children.

I’m not confused. It’s a job, not something they do for shits and giggles.

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 11:36

Yes you are confused. You seem to think that free choice doesn't come into it. Hopefully, you as a teacher would have chosen teaching for reasons beyond money (haha) and holidays. Obviously with teachers there's a bit of financial pull but do you honestly think tas stay in it because of the money?!
I take it you don't teach maths.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 11:47

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 11:36

Yes you are confused. You seem to think that free choice doesn't come into it. Hopefully, you as a teacher would have chosen teaching for reasons beyond money (haha) and holidays. Obviously with teachers there's a bit of financial pull but do you honestly think tas stay in it because of the money?!
I take it you don't teach maths.

Can you stop with the insults? It’s so unnecessary.

Why not work in private nurseries instead of schools if it’s all for the love of children? Why not volunteer and do it for free if money is no concern? I think TAs stay for the same reason anyone does: money and holidays. Pretending they’re all in it for the great joy of it is ridiculous, and it means they can be emotionally blackmailed into never needing a pay rise.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 15/12/2022 12:11

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 10:11

I think you are confused. They do it because they are good at childcare/education. It's just unlucky for them that skill is so poorly valued in society.
A by product will be because they enjoy being with children.

Im a ta and I can tell you now I'm here for the money and holidays. Plus it's very local. I don't find it rewarding I find it draining

naturemumma · 15/12/2022 12:25

FrenchFancie · 15/12/2022 07:13

Good grief - that poor TA!
I work as a TA - and I’m probably classed as a middle age woman! Trust me I’m not ‘hanging on for my pension’ as I’m paid minimum wage I can’t actually afford to pay into a pension…. That point aside….

Reception is largely about getting children used to the school environment and to learn to follow instructions from adults - without this basic level of compliance in place no learning can continue. Most problems with reception-aged children would not happen if they just did as they were told! If you have a class of 30 4 and 5 year olds you don’t have the time to ask each one individually to decide to put their coat on or not, you’d never get out to break time / home time / whatever.

yes there are some unpleasant teachers and TAs out there, but I guarantee they are outnumbered by the crazy parents! The issue is often caused because the child is usually the parents whole world, and the parent can’t understand why that isn’t true of the TA or teacher. Whereas the staff tend to view the ‘strong willed’ child as ‘that one that always pulls 90% of my time trying to get them to do what they have been asked and thus preventing me actually teaching the rest of the class’.

Children have to learn to comply at school - because I can’t do maths intervention if I have little Maggie on the playground refusing to come in from break so I have to supervise her. I can’t do my small-group English tasks if I’m sitting in the library trying to prevent ‘strong willed’ stevie trashing the place because he was asked to put on a coat. I can’t teach phonics if little Terry is disrupting the group by spitting and sticking his middle finger up and everyone and climbing over the furniture. We can’t run trips if we are worried that Mavis and Norman are going to climb all over the seats in the theatre, throw sweets (that they weren’t meant to have but Mummy decided she knew best) and try to get out of the seats on the bus, endangering themselves and the staff member who has to get up to tell them to sit back down.

half the time the teachers fear and dread bringing up poor behaviour with parents because of the abuse we get back - the teacher I work with was shouted at and called ‘fucking incompetent’ last week because she had to deal with the ‘Norman’ in the above incident at the panto trip. We are not running it again because we don’t want the hassle - they can stay at school and learn something instead next year.

All the other examples are things that have happened to me in the last 3 or 4 weeks.

we have a horrible recruitment and retention problem in education - staff leave and can’t be replaced - because we don’t want to have to deal with the continuous bad behaviour from some children, which is only reinforced and backed up by the parents, who become unreasonable at the suggestion that their little ‘strong willed’ Timmy might like to learn to do as he is asked and some back up from home would be appreciated.

i wish more parents could come and volunteer in schools, especially key stage 1, to see how hard it actually is. I really feel sorry for the kids in all of this.

I find this quite interesting, because I would have assumed that the helicopter parents who run into school at the smallest opportunity aren't the same parents who call staff "f*cking incompetent". It seems to me like two entirely different demographics. But perhaps I'm wrong. I have volunteered at several primaries and now work in a secondary school.

I think these are two separate problems. Firstly, difficult parents who want the world for their children and have overly high expectations of education. Secondly, children who aren't used to any discipline, do whatever they want and disrupt the class. I'm sure there is a bit of crossover, but this thread suggests "that" parent also has the child who's sticking their fingers up and swearing and I sort of find that hard to believe.

There are quite a few demanding parents on a WhatsApp group for my daughter's class. They are often complaining about not getting this communication, this homework wasn't hard enough, this isn't right, that isn't right, this event causes plastic pollution etc etc. I'm not saying they're wrong or right, but they definitely have high expectations. But their children aren't the disruptive ones in the class (according to my eight year old anyway - they're not the ones she says are noisy and always in trouble). But I'm pretty sure they're the parents that school complain about though because it adds to their workload enormously. One parent spent nearly two hours talking to the headteacher because they weren't happy about something (too outing to say what, but it certainly didn't need a two hour conversation). But their child is quiet, bright and doesn't seem to have any behaviour issues.

Bellaboo01 · 15/12/2022 12:47

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What a horrible thing to say - "middle-aged, waiting for her pension!"

TBH - you sound pretty mean and your daughter god-forbid has to follow any rules etc! Life does sometimes mean following certain rules. My 4 year old isn't a robot but, would have to listen to rules and what is expected at school.

On the other-hand - if i saw an adult wrestling and marching my daughter anywhere, then i would have made a compliant there and then (and obviously stopped it happening).

YouScumbagYouMaggotHeresKevinTheCarrot · 15/12/2022 13:08

No one is saying that tas don't want to be paid, stop with the hyperbole. You can want money for the job and acknowledge that it is a skilled vocation and not everyone is 'in it for the holidays '. Implying that it is all for the money is ludicrous.
For what it's worth I did leave because of the abuse and expectations of education. I get regular begging calls from my last school and recruitment agencies begging me to come back. Plenty of teachers and tas are doing the same and it's not in small part due to parents and SLT thinking behaviour management can happen magically without any direct instructions being given.