TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

Op if you were collecting her how wAs she not going outside ?

Don't listen to pp who said to complain to Ofsted. They're thinly stretched and won't care about such a trivial complaint. Indeed, they usually see through a vexatious complaint. But you will be able to raise it when they come for the next inspection. People who say 'go to Ofsted' when they get nowhere with the teacher, the Head, the governors, the Trust, are the parent equivalent of the stroppy customer demanding to speak to the manager because they can't get a full cash refund on something they bought five years ago.

I'd approach her directly and build some bridges. Your child will be at the school for 7 years I assume and you may encounter her again.

There was no need for that!!

Being rude won't get you anywhere ( and I've been supportive up till now)

As a final message from me, I would never condone my child being rude to any adult or child.
This thread has really showed what
huge problems our society has.
Thank you for the kind and caring people on this thread, may your children continue to benefit from your proper parenting and natural protective instincts your obviously have.

We all know that you know 😏

Sounds way too sensible for this thread 😂

Yes, thank you for acknowledging it.
Parents who expect children to be raised without boundaries or to follow simple instructions are a huge problem for society.
Parents who hound professionals trying to do the best thing for their children are driving good tas and teachers out.

But you were rude about other adults and children and yet are saying problem with society on some that offered another opinion and didn't agree ??

🙄 at “strong willed”.

Maybe make sure the TA knows that she is on your radar - make a point of going to speak to her about your daughter and how your daughter's day has been etc.

I got the slipper aged 5 (it was the 70's) because I had 'stamped' on my teachers foot - I was 5 FFS. The teacher was a spiteful bitch and would grab, pull and yank me , she really didn't like me from day 1 and I wasn't a bad kid at all.
My mum did nothing and I hated going to school because of it. Teachers/TA's can take instantly dislike to kids it's human nature isn't it, but as other posts have said this should be well hidden/controlled and it doesn't look like this is happening in your daughter's case.

@Someo then the next thing you have is a parent complaining their child was let out in cold no coat and now is ill
Can't win

Just follow the complaints procedure on the school website. First step is usually verbally raising the issue direct with class teacher/TA, not writing a formal complaint to the Head. The Head not accepting the complaint may well be because you haven't followed the procedure.

I'd take my year 6s over reception any day of the week! 😁

What an ageist comment!

I’m neither a teacher nor a parent, and I actually was abused as a child - and not by being told firmly to put my coat on before going outside in freezing temperatures.

Some of us have a keener understanding of such serious things, and don’t assume trauma every time a young child cries over not getting their own way, or being spoken to in a way that doesn’t sound like a Disney princess singing to a bird.

Nobody is condoning bullying, we’re saying that the behaviour as described by the OP (who will inevitably be exaggerating even if unconsciously, because it’s her kid) just isn’t it.

I think you’re getting a hard time on this thread. Over the years I’ve come across some lovely TA’s and some God awful ones.

You just know when they are singling your child out, or aren’t particularly kind to your child. Complain.. only you have your child’s back.. or speak to her directly. They hate that too.. being called out for their shitty attitude

How are you so confident that she wasn't as you were not there? OP said she was. Why do you assume that she is a liar just because you think OP'S personality is unpleasant or because... GASP she said STRONG WILLED. Apparently there is an unspoken pact among mumsneters that this word is banned and if used that OP MUST immediately be verbally assaulted and taken out of context? Did I get that right?

The problem with the state school system is teachers like you who don’t want children to have personalities and have a different opinion and certainly not to pick you up when you are in the wrong

The problem with education- state or independent - is that there is a teacher who holds responsibility for the educational progress of multiple children at any given time.

The problem with parents is they don't want to believe their child is incapable of behaving in a way which is detrimental to the learning of the rest.

Personality is not the same as bad behaviour. There are some incredibly lively, spirited individuals in every classroom who understand what they need to do as part of a group. If you want your child to receive individual treatment you need home schooling and 1 to 1 tutors.

*isn't detrimental to the rest

Just chill! Your child is in reception doing half days! I suspect the next few years are going to be fraught with these kind of ‘disputes’ If this is how you are reacting to this incident 🙄
Take the advice from the many, more experienced and long in the tooth parents (including myself) on here. There will be times where your child has been a little shit at school and been disciplined for it. There will be times where they are badly behaved and don’t get called out on it for whatever reason. It’s all part and parcel of life at school and evens out of the many many hours they spend in full time education.
Adopt a ‘watch and wait’ mantra and see how things progress. It’s so early on her school career to be flinging accusations of bullying around.

I have had an issue with a ta who seemed to lack awareness and understanding of my child’s additional needs. My advice would be always sleep on it. Don’t go all guns blazing wait until you calm down. Then make sure you complain in writing. You could go the opposite route and directly ask to discuss what happened with the ta. If not ask the school for a meeting. Sometimes it’s about picking your battles but if you had noticed it previously it’s probably worth raising.

It’s great advise!
Actually, I home EDUCATE my eldest daughter who at the age of 12 have taken x2 English GCSE’s. She left school after 3 months in reception and didn’t do any formal learning until the beginning of the pandemic.

You’re probably wondering why I don’t with the 4 year old.

No, I don’t think any of us are wondering why someone who has typed…
”My daughter is being bought to me…”
”…for a quite life!”
”My eldest daughter… have taken…”
”…and your never wrong!”
“It’s great advise!”
… isn’t home-educating a four year old. I’m not sure I would necessarily trust your priorities or your view of this possible situation with the TA, when you can spell “holistic” just fine but hit the stumbling block on “quiet.”

Completely agree with this comment. Besides the expectation that her child is above following simple requests there is also OP's clear contempt for schools. She has literally stated she believes it is a place of abuse. I don't understand why she would enrol her child if she has this opinion.