To expect gift lists to be followed?

[areweungrateful]

My DH and I have one DC, who is 3 months old. We have an issue with one set of GPs buying inappropriate/ unwanted gifts. This isn’t just for DC, but us as well… think things like buying a height adjustable stand up desk when the office room is in the attic and has sloping ceilings.

As they have form for this, we made a list for Christmas presents for DC, split it and circulated it to those who wanted to buy, making sure there were a variety of options and price points. GPs have gone out and bought something outside of the list we gave to their side of the family, and is actually something we know someone else has already bought, but a brand/type that we looked at and decided we didn’t want due to reviews/ possible safety issues.

How do we manage this moving forward! Neither DH or I want to appear ungrateful when we receive these things that we just don’t want or need, as we do appreciate they would like to gift us things, nor do we want the confrontation of asking them to return it and get something else. Do we just regift/ sell things on? But then they’ll probably notice when they come to visit.

Are we being unreasonable to expect people to use the lists given to buy presents from?

Did they ask for the list?

Did they ask for a list? If theu did, they they should have followed it. If not, then sending one was quite rude and might well have put their backs up.

Just say to them, could you ask that please would they keep the receipts for anything they buy, just in case anything needs to be returned for any reason.

Is this your parents, or DH's?

'oh Aunt Janice has already bought us one of those, that's why it wasn't on the gift list'.

I think YABU to expect people to always buy from a list. You can provide one to help people but I don't think people should have to choose off a list if they would rather use their own initiative or get something they've chosen. If it's a duplicate then tell them and exchange for something else.

Also I'm a bit agog at a gift list for a 3mo! DD2 is 6mo and is getting some hand puppets and that's it!

Yes, you're being unreasonable and very transactional about gift giving. It's not really what it's about. Gift giving is about putting in effort to think of something that the person would like, it's the thoughtfulness of it - not being told what to get from a list. If you always end up with tat you don't want, just say "let's not bother with gifts for adults this year" and agree to go out for a nice family meal or something instead. Also you're assuming they want to spend however much the things on your list cost - have they indicated a budget?

All that said, I do feel differently for kids but I'd usually only give ideas to family (or 'a list') if they'd asked for it as couldn't think what the kids might like.

May be that they've asked for lists, in which case ignore all of the above haha!

You might as well just order your own presents and get them to pay the bill.

Seriously, how to take the joy out of giving, and the spirit out of Christmas.
I always ask my kids to let me know if there's anything they'd really like, or anything they specifically don't. But Jeeze, we don't give each other shopping lists and we welcome surprises and gifts asking the lines of 'I saw this and thought you'd like it' because they're the ones that are personal and show thoughtfulness.

You have a gift list for your baby?

Yeah try this

If someone asks for ideas then provide them but to be honest if someone gave me a list of acceptable presents a big part of me would be tempted to go off list with a drum set or similary noisy toy!

Incredibly ungrateful.

Do they ask for gift lists?

It used to drive me slightly potty when MiL pestered the life out of me from the beginning of September for Christmas gift lists for my children, the completely ignore them and buy something else - usually a duplicate of something we already had, something that someone else had already bought them, or something completely unsuitable.

Both my girls have hobbies that are a goldmine for gift buying ranging from a couple of pounds upwards, but she’d buy perfume for DD1 who is allergic to perfume, or sets of up make up for non-make up wearing DD2

I completely get it. My absolutely lovely MIL asks for idea in around October every year. Then completely ignores it and buys completely inappropriate things.

One year was a trampoline. Which was about the same size as our garden at the time.

It's hard to mention it without being ungrateful. I've started leaving toys at her house that she buys. Funnily enough the huge presents have stopped since then 😂

This can't be for real....
Just be grateful you're getting anything at all!!

I think a few of you need to wind your necks in. She is not being ungrateful. The grandparents are making it about them. It's actually really inconvenient to get duplicates especially when money could be spent elsewhere. Why waste money just to spare feelings. 🫠

Grabby and grubby.

1. suck it up and say nothing.
2. keep it at their house.
3. give it to charity.
4. say something and accept the response you get whatever it is (doesn’t mean you can’t counter the response).

Sounds ungrateful to me! And a Christmas list is surely a list of suggestions rather than specific, thoroughly researched, branded requests?

My DC1 Christmas list at 3m old looked like this:
Stacking cups
Books
Clothes 3-6m size or above

You don't want to sound ungrateful? Then perhaps start by not being ungrateful?

I wouldn’t buy gifts from a list unless you were really skint and couldn’t afford basics.

Hahaha. We’re not ungrateful at all! Some of you are having bad days! Thanks for all the nasty comments though, super helpful 🤦‍♀️

Yes, the list was asked for on this occasion - by both sets of GPs as well as more extended family. In fact we are often asked if there are things we want/ need when birthdays or other festivities come around. Being asked for a list was why we made it and gave it out. We don’t just have huge wish lists of stuff for either the baby or ourselves!

The only reason we wanted this particular item to be specific is due to the safety aspect of it. The rest of the list was as a PP said, stackable blocks, sensory toys, bath toys, soft books etc etc.

To everyone who has given actual advice, thank you.

As for gifts from parents to you and DP - tell them in advance very politely: thank you, very kind, but we've a home full of stuff and would prefer an offer of babysitting on one occasion in the future tbc, so you and DP can have some time out together instead. Priceless!

I'd be very ungrateful if someone bought me a standing desk when they know fine well there's nowhere for it to go except the fire.

Based on your OP no one asked for a Christmas list from you so I think it's extremely grabby and you're treating Christmas like an opportunity to capitalize on and your friends and family like avenues to get 'stuff'. Christmas isn't about getting things.