To expect gift lists to be followed?

[areweungrateful]

My DH and I have one DC, who is 3 months old. We have an issue with one set of GPs buying inappropriate/ unwanted gifts. This isn’t just for DC, but us as well… think things like buying a height adjustable stand up desk when the office room is in the attic and has sloping ceilings.

As they have form for this, we made a list for Christmas presents for DC, split it and circulated it to those who wanted to buy, making sure there were a variety of options and price points. GPs have gone out and bought something outside of the list we gave to their side of the family, and is actually something we know someone else has already bought, but a brand/type that we looked at and decided we didn’t want due to reviews/ possible safety issues.

How do we manage this moving forward! Neither DH or I want to appear ungrateful when we receive these things that we just don’t want or need, as we do appreciate they would like to gift us things, nor do we want the confrontation of asking them to return it and get something else. Do we just regift/ sell things on? But then they’ll probably notice when they come to visit.

Are we being unreasonable to expect people to use the lists given to buy presents from?

Just leave them to it and put the gift in the bin once they leave.

I don't know for sure, but I suspect this might be one of those things that you end up kicking the sheets with embarrassment about in the night some time in the future....

I’m afraid you do sound ungrateful, and also entitled.

Christmas is not an opportunity to give people a shopping list.

Anything you care this much about, are reading reviews for, you need to get for yourselves.
Toning down the gifts to be low-stakes yet thoughtful - books, toiletries, games, home-made jams and sweets etc, should solve this.

Yet another grabby gift thread. Just say you don't want anything. Problem solved!

Someone else has already bought it but it wasn’t on the list? So two people have strayed from your precious list. Why the anger towards the grandparents and not the other people? And if you went as far as to specify brands on the list then you are very unreasonable. Be grateful for anything you get.

I like lists because it reduces waste.someone is spending money, we all aren't rolling in it. Why not spend on things that are wanted needed desired and will be used?

But yes lists work when they are mutually agreed that people want to receive lists.

OP I think you should have put 'which was asked for' in the title! Less people may have jumped down your throat without rtft!!
I don't think yabu at all, but I'd just go back to the gift giver and say thanks but we already have X, this was why it wasn't on the list, would you like to return it or shall I sell it on, they might learn then!

You sound greedy, grabby and entitled.

Accept what you are given graciously.

Never heard of a Christmas gift list… let alone one for a three month old.

Sorry but you’d be getting bugger all off me.

Be gracious and be humble.

My first thought was you're being unreasonable but then you added that they asked for a list, so they are being unreasonable.

Plus a gift, once handed over, is yours. That means you get to decide what to do with it. They don't have the right to clutter up your house. So sell/regift/"keep" at theirs anything you don't want. You're being too nice, or mistaking doormattery for nice (and I speak as someone who really struggles with decluttering gifted items).

If they notice something has gone, explain why you didn't keep it. This is a crucial - with luck you will only have to do it once to get the message across. If they get upset, they are being unreasonable, not you. If they keep on with the unwanted gifts, keep on getting rid of them (and that includes dumping them at their house).

No I don't think it's ungrateful.
People have limited space and too many toys clutter our lives and make play harder.

The grandparents may think op is being rude and controlling but buying something that someone needs or has requested is much more of a gift than buying something different just because you can.

Maybe they are either a bit dim, lacking in thought or in a power struggle here.

Can the unwanted gifts live at the GPs house?

Yabu and abit rude. Slightly shocked a three month has a gift list. If grandparent asks for ideas you give an idea. Never heard of a gift list apart from a wedding.

I think op means a list as in a written list sent in a message rather than an official list set up by John Lewis like for a wedding.

So for example:

-Can you give us some ideas what the baby like for Christmas? Aunty Agnes was asking too.

-yes great: some baths toys, books, new pyjamas, We've also been looking at mega blocks on Amazon. Anything from that list would be great.

Sounds a pretty standard conversation to me.

This is the sort of thing I would tackle in the summer. Or early Autumn if they buy early or are forgetful.

Explain nicely you dont like xx, and in future will do with it whatever you will if it is inappropriate.

You cant force people to stick with lists.

GPs have gone out and bought something outside of the list

I mean really read this back to yourself.

Yes, YABU. Don't be fussy. It's their money and you don't tell people what gift to buy you unless expressly asked. If they get you something you don't want, smile, say thank you and either re-gift or pass it along to charity. This is hardly a hill to die on. If they buy you massive pieces of furniture you don't want your husband should have a gentle word as their son.

If the item is genuinely unsafe, I think DH should talk to them and explain this to them to encourage them to look into what they're buying in a bit more detail.

Aside from that, ask for a gift receipt as it's a 'duplicate'.

I do think an actual physical list is a bit OTT for a baby.

One tip I've learnt since being a parent: don't give people lists! Give anyone who asks one or two items and never give two people the same item. If you don't get the gift, fine, but it avoids duplicated awkwardness.

Guess!🤣

Me too! Our daughter is a year old, zero list, if someone gave me a gift list I wouldn’t buy them anything, I’m not a personal shopping service.

At 3 months old, there isn't anything that a baby NEEDS that can be classd as a gift.id have just said to get clothes...
I understand you were asked for this list. I just can't get my head around a list for a 3mo lol

But by next Christmas they'll be 15 months so there's plenty of logic in asking for things they'll grow in to pretty quickly.

Your story has changed. In your op you said you made the list s the GP have form for getting the wrong things. Later when criticised you say they asked for the list. You are being a bit unfair. A three month old doesn't need much. Whilst it would be reasonable to say nothing too big due to storage issues you are being ungrateful.

Love this - spot on!

I'd love to know what was on a gift list for a 3 month old!!!

Whilst it's frustrating, I am not sure there's much you can do without turning it into a family drama. I would keep it, get it out when they come a couple of times and then find that your baby has "grown out of it"

'We decided we didn't want due to reviews/possible safety issues'

Doesn't really match with 'stackable blocks, soft books, bath toys.'

'