To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

[antelopevalley]

I mean you do you.
But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

We don’t do the four gifts rule or have any particular “cap” on present numbers, largely I suppose because that’s not what our parents did so not our norm. As children my siblings and I usually received maybe 8 to 12 gifts from Santa and there was great excitement and anticipation for weeks leading up to Christmas.

We loved it and that’s probably why we’ve all continued in a similar way for our own dc. Just as lots of people who do the four gifts thing or one plus a stocking will be carrying on their norm that they remember to have been really exciting and special.

What’s mean is shitting on other peoples Christmas just because they don’t do it the same was as you.

"I don’t like it because it is preachy and headmisstressy. And the only people I know who follow it are schoolteachers."

Agreed, except the last point. I'm a teacher, I know lots of teachers and I don't know anyone irl who does it. Only ever heard it on mumsnet.

I also think we need to move beyond the false dichotomy of 4 / very restricted presents and piles of tat. Even having lots of presents doesn't mean tat.

My children always had 4 main presents, but they had sacks from FC as well. These sacks contained a mix of:

• consumables to replace the things they have used over the year (stationery, art materials, bath pens, candles etc...)
• things they needed (dressing gowns, vests and pants, new clothes etc, nice new hair bobbles etc...) often these would be their favourite character when little, or a nice brand they like when older. Eg when my eldest was at secondary it was only cool to wear Victoria's secrets or Calvin Klein pants.
• stuff they wanted for their hobbies (whether that was their organised sports or for things they enjoyed doing at home E.g scrapbooking)
• nice foods and sweet treats I wouldn't normally buy. Nice chocolates etc...

So buying lots does not necessarily 🟰 tat, and it is lazy thinking to think it does. I would say, at least 80% of the presents my children get are stuff they would probably get anyway, with the exception that I would normally buy supermarket pants, they only get VS pants when it's Christmas.

However, I do think it's a class thing. I grew up very working class, and this is the way I had FC when I was little. It was my mum's way of affording presents.. and I loved the big pillow case of presents I got every year. Had my mum had the money to buy these things all year round and to afford presents on top of that, she would have done. So I do think it is a bit mean to look down on people for buying more... many do it because they can't afford to just buy new clothes etc all year round.

Something to wear and read are definately presents. Wear can be what you would not normally buy, like new character pyjamas rather than hand me downs from a cousin. Or a brand name item of clothing for a teen. A book is a present when you would normally use the library as much as possible but the book they want to read is new and isn't in stock yet, or you are buying them a favorite to keep and reread

4 presents per child seems quite sensible, especially if you have 2 or 3 kids. Otherwise you are just over-run with stuff!

It's not either or. I ask my kids what they want and get it within reason. My son asked for a football shirt and that was it. My eldest daughter asked for a lego set and a skate board. My youngest has asked for a princess dress. They will all get exactly what they have asked for and a few other things that I think they will love.

So I do think it is a bit mean to look down on people for buying more... many do it because they can't afford to just buy new clothes etc all year round.
If a child needs warm sleepwear, do they just freeze for most of December? I've found being on a low income if DS needs something it can't wait until Christmas as he actually needs it now.

I didn’t realise you were meant to ONLY do those 4 things. I tend to use want need wear read as a guild line and add in other bits and bobs as I see them. This year they have got things in all categories without me even thinking of it.

In my case all of those presents except the magformers would go in the stocking. They get 4 presents on top of their stockings.
Their stocking are stuffed with a mix of small (size, not value) presents and consumables.

I've never heard of this 4 gift poem. I've been on mumsnet for 18 years and must have bypassed the previous posts saying this!

Why do you care what other people do? Why judge when I don't think you'd want people to judge the way you do it. I don't think it's mean to give 4 gifts either.

I do think people posting photos of piles and piles of presents on SM can be soul destroying to others who could be really struggling.

She's getting exactly what she wants. She'll be delighted!

It's a good guideline, but I bet most get a few extras on top. I don't need to go mad DD is only 4 and we aren't rich! Presents from others will still make it look like a decent haul I think

We had this exact same thread a few weeks ago! I've never done the four present thing as have always done a stocking in the past, and presents from other people, but I've never gone mad with piles of presents and don't see anything wrong with it as a guideline. If a child has all their needs met, then four well thought out presents would be better than piles of cheap tat in my opinion. It could be: a book, an electronic device, a pair of fancy trainers and a bike, for example.
I was surprised on the last thread how many people said clothes and books weren't proper presents for children.

I had no idea people gave so many gifts at Christmas and am now worried my kids will think I’m mean! I’m not destitute by any means but just about manage and my present budget isn’t very large. When I was growing up we got one gift each from parents, one from grandparents, with family and friends added in I probably had about 7-10 presents total each Christmas. I thought that was loads! My kids are getting two main ones and two stocking toys each with some Christmas chocolates and fruit added in. They’ve got gifts from other family members too, probably adds up to about 8 each. They are close in age and both girls so share a lot of their stuff anyway.

Sounds great

See it’s worth being aware that how people “count” presents can differ, odd as that may seem. I’ve seen posts where people say they’ve bought 20/30/50 gifts per child but some will count a sheet of stickers, a packet of hair clips, a magazine plus a chocolate orange as four gifts where others would put those and other small/inexpensive items in the stocking and call that one gift.

I think of the stocking as a gift, likewise books (plural) are one gift here whether it’s a box set or a selection of 10 different books. DS phone, power bank and case will be packaged as one gift on Christmas morning.

I’m not saying either is right or wrong but it does suggest that the every single item counts as a gift posters and the four plus a stocking posters may be imagining very different things when they comment about each other’s approach!

It's all relative isn't it? Just checked my list for DD and she has about 16 things on there. However, she gets no other presents from anyone else. Quite a few are small things(lip balm,bath bombs etc) that will go in her stocking. Some gifts are things like a pencil case and stationery to put in it, as it's something she really wants and kinda needs. She won't get any books as she hates reading and it would be a waste of money.

Some people are ridiculously extravagant, some people keep it very small (either through choice or need) . Most people are somewhere in the middle and adjust to their circumstances and their kids wants and needs. It's just as ridiculous to not buy something that you can afford and it's not harmful on principle, as buying the whole toy shop just to have a big pile.

I dont believe anyone really does it

I mean it's not like they're claiming to dance naked around a maypole. Why would anyone lie about it?

This sounds sensible. In laws (who admittedly don't bother with the kids much and see them maybe twice a year) dropped off a huge pile of presents for our children last year. They were overwhelmed, couldn't be bothered opening half of them and most were donated to charity within a few months at most as they just didn't play with them. We've always said we'd much rather they got less gifts, or even just spent time with them rather than seeing them on birthdays and Christmas for a present drop then ignoring them.

surely very believable that some parents but their kids 4 gifts or less. I do, for a start.

You can't believe a single person might do something which is different to how you want to do it??

I've always done one main present and a few small things. Didn't have the money for multiple £30 toys! Not everyone is well off.

Sensible really. Who needs bags and bags of cheap toys etc?
Better four decent thongs than 20 "just to make a pile" presents.

So the people on here saying they do it are lying? On an anonymous forum? Why would they bother? 🤣

Thongs? For children?