To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

[antelopevalley]

I mean you do you.
But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

I always thought so but apparently not! We buy one present and do a stocking of small bits. Have attempted to keep other relatives to one present each as well. Just overwhelms them otherwise.

I'm not doing it, but.

When we were kids we had loads of aunts and uncles, so we would already be getting at least 20 or so gifts before our parents got us anything. My mum was always exasperated by it all, especially as we lived in a small house and didn't have room for all those gifts, so I can totally imagine it being something she would have loved to do back then. I also think it gives people on tight budgets "permission" to spend less without feeling like they are depriving their kids, which is nice.

I think there is far more to being mean than a rule to try and moderate Christmas presents.

I only know two families who apply a rule like that, both are well off and their families try and focus Christmas on doing stuff. So they may get limited wrapped gifts under the tree, but they’ll go ice skating, to a winter wonderland, a Christmas show, on a trip to cut down a Christmas tree, etc. They have a great time. I don’t think there’s anything mean about that.

But what if they wanted four books, or three jumpers and computer console, or they needed four things for a hobby or they wanted to blow it on four bits of plastic fantastic? It's just so formulaic, prescriptive and worthy.

When I were a child, it was a stocking with small presents
d, like oranges, tin of toffees, pencils etc,boxof hankies that were never used and one larger present, which was usually something like gloves or a new nightdress but it was more about the reason for Christmas than a gift orgy.! Mind you this was in the late 50's so not much money spare

I think this rule is more popular in higher income families, actually- they are more fixated on children being spoilt. Wealthy families then way more of activities and events around Christmas, and also tend to buy random things for their children throughout the year that in a poorer family would be put away and save for Christmas or birthdays so that the kids have a big pile to open. when you are poorer, you are more worried about giving your kids the best you can / making sure it feels as special as possible. You don’t impose artificial constraints on consumption because you already have material limitations.

I come from a family who do the massive piles of presents. A few years ago it felt like a switch went off in my brain and I looked at the materialism and excess of it all and found it really uncomfortable.

This is DS’ first Christmas where he will have some idea of what’s happening. He has one main present and 6 smaller presents from me and DH. He will also get presents from grandparents etc. I may be mean but so be it. We don’t need “stuff”. He has lots of toys already. DH and I have bought one present each for the other and a nice thing for the house. We’ve also had a few days out and a few more planned. As DS gets older I intend to continue in the same way - nice days out and a few gifts.

Don't do it then.

My kids ask Father Christmas for the four and then we get the kids extra presents on top. It's not really a "look how sanctimonious we are" thing, it's more of a "Father Christmas can't get everyone everything" thing and makes the kids really think about what they want/need rather than listing off reams of shit they saw on an ad.

No but it depends on the present, eg if a child is having a bike from parents for Christmas it would be a bit much to give other presents of equal value.

I think it depends on circumstances.

I find the "need" and "wear" portion not really good, as a parent it's my job to ensure all needs are met and my child has enough to wear. Saying that, when a teen is desperate for the x-th hoody or merch T-shirt than it can be a gift.

Also, if you have a huge family who gives decent presents (from a wishlist or what the parents say), then a smaller amount can be good. Or if there are older siblings and there are tons of toys already.

We have just one DD, family is only grandparents who prefer putting money into a savings account and give one gift of around £20 (something DD asks for). I would find it very hard to say I give only gifts according to a principle and she has to suck it up.

In my opinion there is a huge shade of grey between going over the top or following a rule.

My kids are getting about 4 presents. They add up to about 500euro each(total) and can fit in the palm of your hand but that's what they really wanted and I don't have endless money, I rather just get them the few bit that they really want.

I think this is very true. My children do not already have loads of things and will get nothing from relatives.

As a child I used to get one present from our parents, one from my grandma and one from my siblings (bought by my parents!). Then a stocking with normally a selection box, stationary, pringles and underwear. I never felt hard done by and I've always loved Christmas.

Ds gets one big gift. One small gift. Pajamas and a book. He gets a nice stocking.

I don't think it's mean.

I have never heard of the 4 present rule.
Is it the law? Have I been blithely living a life of crime all these years!

Depends on the individual gifts surely, especially for older kids who might want fewer, more valuable things.

@FourTeaFallOut It seems very worthy to me as well. Fine if they do not need much give them less. Or if they get loads from family reduce what you give them. But as you say it is formulaic.

@FourTeaFallOut they can have as many books as they like! They've never been disappointed on Christmas day. They've always got exactly what they've asked for, they just don't ask for much. Family also buy them presents too so if they did ask for four plastic fantastic presents then I would suggest to family, however they always seem happy asking for a couple of things

500Euro on each child seems very generous, they are fortunate children. You make it sound like people might think they are hard done by.

This is so weird - I NEVER interpreted that saying to mean 'only 4 gifts'. I always thought it meant that included in the gifts would be items in those categories. Rather like the bride's 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue'. Surely doesn't mean the bride doesn't wear other things which don't fall into those 4 categories?

I think it's only on MN that this strange interpretation is being bandied about.

(Having said that, I am a bit of a puritan about presents and feel quite nauseous at the often-mentioned 'piles and piles of presents'.)

My kids had lovely Christmases. They wrote the four item list and then got lots of surprises.

Christmas is about tradition, family, food, presents but most of all anticipation and love.

I think it is important not to look down on others just because they do things slightly differently. I don't think the op understands people can be just as happy but do things a bit differently.

No idea why this mantra gets some people so wound up, I don't follow it but neither do I think it's mean

It could be classified as mean if turned out to be a small box of lego, an umbrella, a pair of socks, and a random book. But a playstation, a new hockey stick, a pair of DMs, and a couple of books from a favourite author, seems like a pretty decent Christmas morning haul to me!

These days kids tend to get so many extra presents from aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. that it can all get a bit much.

My children don't even necessarily get for things from us 😳Dd13 is getting some clothes she wants from her favourite shop (2 items) and a waffle maker. That's taken us over budget so that's it.
They get a stocking too.