Page 10 | To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

antelopevalley · 2022-12-14T15:20:42+00:00

I mean you do you. But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

DrCoconut · 14/12/2022 21:14

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I remember watching a programme about the Victorian workhouse where the participants tried to live that life for a short time. One of the meals actually was an onion (boiled for a touch of luxury 😫). Your post reminded me of that. <totally off topic>

FTY765 · 14/12/2022 21:46

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 14/12/2022 21:13

Thongs? For children?

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Ha! Maybe in the Australian sense.... 😬

paintitallover · 14/12/2022 22:07

We used to do one, plus a subsidiary smaller thing, plus stockings. Extra stuff doesn't make children happier.

MaryMollyPolly · 15/12/2022 10:41

AbsolutelyNebulous · 14/12/2022 20:24

See it’s worth being aware that how people “count” presents can differ, odd as that may seem. I’ve seen posts where people say they’ve bought 20/30/50 gifts per child but some will count a sheet of stickers, a packet of hair clips, a magazine plus a chocolate orange as four gifts where others would put those and other small/inexpensive items in the stocking and call that one gift.

I think of the stocking as a gift, likewise books (plural) are one gift here whether it’s a box set or a selection of 10 different books. DS phone, power bank and case will be packaged as one gift on Christmas morning.

I’m not saying either is right or wrong but it does suggest that the every single item counts as a gift posters and the four plus a stocking posters may be imagining very different things when they comment about each other’s approach!

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Those examples, including the stocking gifts, would absolutely all count as separate gifts, to me, and would be wrapped separately.

Original poster

antelopevalley · 15/12/2022 11:13

Okay if you are counting 10 books as one gift then your child is getting lots of presents.

If I followed the MN mantra my DS would get one comic book, 1 piece of clothing (he is not interested in clothes), a powerbank, and a new phone on a contract. Plus a stocking with chocolates, and a few bits of stationery for school e.g. pen, pencil, rubber. If that is all you can afford fine. but I think it is mean if you can afford more. They get nothing from relatives.

OP posts:

MamaFirst · 15/12/2022 11:17

antelopevalley · 15/12/2022 11:13

Okay if you are counting 10 books as one gift then your child is getting lots of presents.

If I followed the MN mantra my DS would get one comic book, 1 piece of clothing (he is not interested in clothes), a powerbank, and a new phone on a contract. Plus a stocking with chocolates, and a few bits of stationery for school e.g. pen, pencil, rubber. If that is all you can afford fine. but I think it is mean if you can afford more. They get nothing from relatives.

I have never ever heard it interpreted that way and I've been doing it for years now🤷‍♀️

FurForksSake · 15/12/2022 11:20

We do it, it stops me buying things my kids don't really want or need to make a big pile.

My kids get four considered gifts and they understand that it's something we do and that others don't. Everyone celebrates differently and that's great.

There is nothing sad or mean about it, one child has a drum kit for his want and the other a giant Lego set.

MaryMollyPolly · 15/12/2022 11:33

antelopevalley · 15/12/2022 11:13

Okay if you are counting 10 books as one gift then your child is getting lots of presents.

If I followed the MN mantra my DS would get one comic book, 1 piece of clothing (he is not interested in clothes), a powerbank, and a new phone on a contract. Plus a stocking with chocolates, and a few bits of stationery for school e.g. pen, pencil, rubber. If that is all you can afford fine. but I think it is mean if you can afford more. They get nothing from relatives.

That seems lots to me. A phone on contract would be, and has been, the main and really only present my teen would have got. They would maybe have got the comic/book or the power bank as part of a stocking, alongside chocolate and bits and bobs of stationery, bubble bath etc. They don’t get presents from elsewhere.

ODFOx · 15/12/2022 11:39

I think the difference comes from whether or not everything gets kept until Christmas.
If my DC's bike broke in December the new one might wait until Christmas, but at other times of year it would just be replaced.
We had 5 DC between us and the 'something you want' varied between the latest must have toy to a toy vacuum cleaner to a sledge to an iPad.
4 really good gifts that they really like plus a stocking and some bits to share was plenty from us. They also had stuff from relatives and their other parent. They were never short of things to open and never felt hard done by. And the heap always looked obscene to me!

Athenen0ctua · 15/12/2022 12:47

I think the difference comes from whether or not everything gets kept until Christmas.If my DC's bike broke in December the new one might wait until Christmas, but at other times of year it would just be replaced.
Yes, something like a bike, that is used all the time, I think is meaner to withhold for the sake of making the parent look good at Christmas, than to replace when it is needed. If you are able to replace it earlier I mean, though DS has had all second hand bikes except for his first balance bike (which was for Christmas).

Original poster

antelopevalley · 15/12/2022 12:48

We can't all afford a bike at any point in the year. A bike is something to save up for.

OP posts:

Athenen0ctua · 15/12/2022 12:53

antelopevalley · 15/12/2022 12:48

We can't all afford a bike at any point in the year. A bike is something to save up for.

DS's first pedal bike was about £5 from a charity shop, we couldn't afford new. He'd have had to wait another six months if I'd kept it for Christmas.

sheepdogdelight · 15/12/2022 12:54

antelopevalley · 15/12/2022 11:13

Okay if you are counting 10 books as one gift then your child is getting lots of presents.

If I followed the MN mantra my DS would get one comic book, 1 piece of clothing (he is not interested in clothes), a powerbank, and a new phone on a contract. Plus a stocking with chocolates, and a few bits of stationery for school e.g. pen, pencil, rubber. If that is all you can afford fine. but I think it is mean if you can afford more. They get nothing from relatives.

Surely a phone is a pretty pricey gift, and you wouldn't expect to give your child lots of other things as well?

You could buy a dozen toys suitable for a young child for the same cost as a phone. Would you consider that mean? You seem be weirdly counting number of presents rather than cost of presents.

sheepdogdelight · 15/12/2022 12:56

Athenen0ctua · 15/12/2022 12:47

I think the difference comes from whether or not everything gets kept until Christmas.If my DC's bike broke in December the new one might wait until Christmas, but at other times of year it would just be replaced.
Yes, something like a bike, that is used all the time, I think is meaner to withhold for the sake of making the parent look good at Christmas, than to replace when it is needed. If you are able to replace it earlier I mean, though DS has had all second hand bikes except for his first balance bike (which was for Christmas).

I think it depends how the bike is used. My DC have used their bikes a means of getting to school from about age 9. So the bike is by way of being a necessity and would get replaced as soon as possible.
If they just used the bike for riding round the park at the weekends, I would leave it until Christmas/birthday.

Liorae · 15/12/2022 13:04

sheepdogdelight · 15/12/2022 12:54

Surely a phone is a pretty pricey gift, and you wouldn't expect to give your child lots of other things as well?

You could buy a dozen toys suitable for a young child for the same cost as a phone. Would you consider that mean? You seem be weirdly counting number of presents rather than cost of presents.

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It's the obsession with "piles" of gifts and "stuff to open". Common sense seems to go out the window at Christmas.

ODFOx · 15/12/2022 13:04

antelopevalley · 15/12/2022 12:48

We can't all afford a bike at any point in the year. A bike is something to save up for.

My point exactly. We've done the rule of 4(+) at Christmas because the DC had things at intervals all year. And we really couldn't afford all the big ticket items at once!
4 lovely things instead of a massive pile to tear through just seems more mindful rather than mean, given that we had so many hand me downs anyway the house was always full of toys and clothes and 'stuff'and honestly they have never had a disappointing Christmas.

ThePrinterIsEvil · 15/12/2022 13:13

I find most of this thread quite bizarre!

Surely the main factor is budget. My DC will each get one 'main' present from me. Not sure how their dad will organise what he's getting them. But if they want an expensive lego set, for example, then it's not mean to just get them that.

I do their stockings (and they're old enough to know it's me) and the contents are usually some clothes, a book, chocolate, and anything else that they need but can wait until Christmas for so that I can wrap it. Books are excellent second-hand copies and clothes are also preloved or picked up in sales. We had a book and clothes long before it was a rhyme.

They know I can't afford to buy everything they want as and when they realise they want it. If one of them wanted something really expensive then they would have to have fewer/less expensive other items in their stocking.

I hate the idea of buying just because. Most of the fun of Christmas comes from playing games and eating together.

Busybody2022 · 15/12/2022 13:13

Mine have a big pile. They love it. I dont really care what anyone else does, that is their circus.

Ginsloth · 15/12/2022 13:19

I’m trying to stick to this rule with my son, I think it’s quite useful actually instead of traipsing around toy shops picking up anything that catches my eye.

Surely you can’t tell me that because I’ve bought my son:

Something he wants: bike (to include helmet and knee pads)
something he needs: a new waterproof all-in-one for all of the times we’re going to be out and about on said new bike
something to wear: a jumper with his favourite character, the grufallo, on
something to read: a Julia Donaldson books as they’re his favourite

I’d have been mean this Christmas?

You’re wrong. He’s going to absolutely love it. It’s more than enough. You don’t need to have a living room full of wrapped gifts to have a wonderful Christmas!

He’ll also receive presents from family too, but that is besides the point.

yoyo1234 · 15/12/2022 13:20

I hated loads of presents (growing up I think it was the waste or the mess, my mother thought when I was sick around Christmas it was out of excitement). I would open my presents and tidy them into neat piles to make them look as small and neat as possible (would frequently tidy sibling's presents as well). I get bunches of presents for my DC (sweets, books/vouchers, electronic/toy for youngest). Do not normally do clothes (or "need" gifts). Often number of presents may be small but they can be very expensive (eldest) so do not think it is a generosity thing. I spend a lot more on eldest than youngest but did not spend much on eldest when he was younger.

Artichokepiglet · 15/12/2022 13:23

Surely it depends on what the four gifts are though? If the 'something they want' is a Nintendo Switch, for example, I don't think that's mean?

Sparklybanana · 15/12/2022 13:27

I buy want,need,wear,read, fun, think. Which doesn't rhyme...
I can afford more but with kids it actually becomes an issue of equality. To do it like this means they know its fair and also means that all the presents haven't been bought already by the time the youngest grows up. It also helps me get a variety of presents rather than just 8 different lego sets. They have soo much stuff that they don't miss out. Santa brings lots of little presents so they get 16 things to unwrap just from us- even if santa is a bit obsessive about tooth hygiene 🤣

Athenen0ctua · 15/12/2022 15:37

Artichokepiglet · 15/12/2022 13:23

Surely it depends on what the four gifts are though? If the 'something they want' is a Nintendo Switch, for example, I don't think that's mean?

I think a situation where it is mean would be very rare. Poorer working class families wouldn't have the money for piles of presents. Those middle class families who do a smaller Christmas for presents may already provide for their children's every need through the year. It would only be parents spending money on themselves while their children go without who I would consider mean.

cotsma · 15/12/2022 15:48

"I think the difference comes from whether or not everything gets kept until Christmas."

This!

When my DC were little, if I saw a gift reduced or something I knew my child would want. It got put into the Christmas box until Christmas.

I had another friend, who was much wealthier than me. If she saw something her child wanted, she bought it and gave it to them straight away. In fact, every week, she'd come home with a book, a magazine or a toy for her child. Add that up over a year and that's 52 presents. But then she gave only a few presents at Christmas. It was easy too - her kids had presents all year round and her house was full of stuff.

I could never afford to do that, so my children had to wait for birthdays / Christmas or save up their pocket money for things like that (except books, they were always allowed those!).

So mine got the bigger pile at Christmas but almost certainly less overall.

DarkMatternix · 15/12/2022 15:56

If I followed the MN mantra my DS would get one comic book, 1 piece of clothing (he is not interested in clothes), a powerbank, and a new phone on a contract. Plus a stocking with chocolates, and a few bits of stationery for school e.g. pen, pencil, rubber.

A contract phone is what, min £20 amonth for 18 months so at least £360 and you think that just getting that plus a few other small gifts would be mean??