To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

[antelopevalley]

I mean you do you.
But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

I don’t care how many presents people give. I hate landfill though, and I’m very careful when buying gifts about thinking through what happens next. So my dc don’t get a set number of presents, but one major gift and usually some sweets, clothes and books.

Prove a point to who? Their kids? Do people really discuss how many presents they are buying with other people? I don't suppose anyone knows how we do Christmas presents except us, as we exchange presents just the 5 of us. I'm not sure who I am proving a point to by having a set amount of gifts we buy each year.

I have no idea whether anyone I know does the 4 present rule, or if they have huge piles of gifts, or how many things they buy their kids. Why would I know that?

The "huge piles" people, how do you avoid the Dudley Dursley response (last year LAST YEAR there were thirty six!) . There is something to be said for managing expectations, the "huge pile" can build up in a kids head and cause great disappointment on the day when huge is not huge enough

So, this thread is absolutely nothing to do with being quorate.

I don't think the number of presents is mean. But I think generally speaking all presents should be something you want, rather than things you need.

😂

We don’t do it. I don’t count gifts at all, I buy things I know they’ll love that I can afford. That is rarely more than 5-5 presents, but i don’t buy in particular categories.
I don’t think it’s ‘mean’ to buy children 4 presents that I presume the parents know the children will enjoy. I also don’t think people with high incomes are ‘mean’ to limit the amount they buy their children. I mean, if you could afford to spend £20k on presents, for example, that doesn’t mean you’re ‘mean’ not to.

Aha, my question is finally answered! I've read the whole thread with interest, but couldn't work out if the idea of 4 presents being mean, was in total, or just from the parents. My parents just bought me one present at Christmas when I was growing up, but I had a, large extended family and so we did get quite a few more. It was wonderful! So OP, when you think that 4 presents would be stingy for a child, are you assuming that is all they will get in total on Christmas day?

I wish I could do this but I just know I would never be able to, I can't help myself. The mum guilt would be real

We more or less do this because a) kids are older now. They don't need the magic of Christmas to be about a huge pile of presents b) we need to put money into their uni education/ driving lessons/ support for first home c) they have many things throughout the year such as wardrobe updates and all the stuff like holidays/ days out/ treats

It keeps it manageable and fair, I like it!

So the issue isn’t that it’s ‘mean’, the issue is that people are lying if they get presents from other people too?
Or do you still think it’s ’mean’ even if they’re getting 20 presents from other people?

I thought the rhyme referred to stocking presents - that's how I've broadly applied it.

They then get main presents from us under the tree. In theory it would mean that Santa is the sanctimonious killjoy, but they're both teenagers who haven't believed for years.

I am one of those mean parents.

I am a single mother to two - one young primary child and one teen.

The younger one is getting a Nerf gun set with target practice (want), a telescope (they want to be an astronaut, so need), a cardigan (pants and socks, too, but they don't count, and obviously wear) and a book box set of their favourite TV show (read, and always the present Santa brings).

The teen is getting a new phone (need - the old one is barely working), an ornament they kept seeing at the local market and fawning over (want), a Japanese skirt/ sock combo (wear) and a manga (read) they've chosen, which, again, is imported directly from Japan.

I spent about £120 each (splitting the phone between me and ex), I know they will squeal at everything and love each present to bits. If done right, you focus well on what the kids actually appreciate and they will still love every moment. Chistmas is, after all, not about gift giving. Neither is Yule, which I celebrate.

“The younger one is getting a Nerf gun set with target practice (want), a telescope (they want to be an astronaut, so need)”

Lovely presents, but you’re stretching it for the sake of the “four things” really. The telescope is definitely a want. I bought my son a GCSE maths workbook. He “needs” to pass maths for his future career - he’d rightly give me short shrift if I wrapped that up for Xmas. I don’t think a telescope is in the same need league! 🤣

Perhaps you're right there 😂But the point stands, they get 4 presents. All very well thought out, and they will be well received.

I don't do it, but for me it's not so much the quantity, it's the regimented "need" and "read" aspect. If it's only 4 gifts, they should all be "wants". Functional items are year-round, they're not exciting for little kids to open on the big day!

@Testina I always thought of "need" as the gift being useful and a practical gift. in that sense yes a telescope would still fall under that category. for example if someone wanted to be a writer a laptop would be a need. Is it a real NEED something they can't do without? no they could use pen and paper but it is certainly a gift that would be getting a lot of use and is practical

We only do two each and a stocking of a few things we think they might like. Now feel like a terrible parent reading this thread.

I think it’s misleading because some people assume that a child only gets four presents on Christmas (and only one thing they want), when in reality they are getting many presents from other people too.

I felt like we were overindulging at Christmas compared to some other parents until I realised that all the other children we know have lots of friends and family buying for them too. Plus more days out etc in general.

But why does it matter what other people are assuming? You do what is right for you and your family, and let other people do what’s right for them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with 4 presents as such. My dc often get one or two main ones from us (and a stocking full of really littsle stuff like sweets etc). I think the 4 specific categories thing is daft though. Why constrain yourself to that?

I hate the twee poem 🤢

But I don't care how many presents anyone buys their kids. You do you.

I tend towards the more excessive end of Christmas personally, but always budgeted for.

Mine only get around that each year - I don't feel guilty and they are always happy on Christmas morning. (4 and a book each this year)

I suppose it is what you are used to - I and Dbro always get around lt 3/4 things from our parents and one from Father Christmas so that seems like a "normal amount" to me.

We do the same. Though the stocking will sometimes follow the 4 things principle, ie a book, a thing to do etc. because it’s helps me think what to get and prevents too much useless rat. and the main present isn’t always one but will add up to roughly the same amount as the other children’s one does.

I quite like it.. I don't think it's mean but I suppose it could be seen that way. If I did this, they would still get loads of stuff as they would have the 4 from me, (which could still add up to alot) their big Santa present they have asked for, presents from 6 aunts, 2 sets of grandparents, a few friends, token crap they get throughout december- advent calendars, christmas pjs, Christmas jumper etc.. so it really does all add up to a massive pile of presents in the end!
To each their own I suppose!

We only do 4-5 gifts, but we still spend a fair bit. I’m a believer in quality over quantity. Better a few really good presents they’ll use and love than a pile of plastic that will be used for 2 weeks and then rot in the play room for years until it eventually goes to the charity shop. 🤷‍♀️