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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

276 replies

antelopevalley · 14/12/2022 15:20

I mean you do you.
But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

OP posts:
KitchiHuritAngeni · 14/12/2022 15:25

I don't do it, but I also don't think its mean.

Its pretty sensible really, far better than getting into loads of debt and buying a bunch if stuff just for the sake of having a load of gifts.

LlynTegid · 14/12/2022 15:25

Sensible if consistently applied.

BlueKaftan · 14/12/2022 15:25

Surely it depends on what parents can afford and also how they want to teach their children about Christmas. 😳

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 14/12/2022 15:26

Do you mean the whole ‘something you want something you need something to (can’t remember) something to read?’.

Yes it’s absolutely mean. And everyone IRL thinks so. But this is MN. It’s the competitive under buying of presents. Anything more than half an onion and a book on feminism for a 4yo boy is considered indulgent and your child will be SPOILT.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 14/12/2022 15:26

KitchiHuritAngeni · 14/12/2022 15:25

I don't do it, but I also don't think its mean.

Its pretty sensible really, far better than getting into loads of debt and buying a bunch if stuff just for the sake of having a load of gifts.

There’s an in between though. Most people meet the in between.

Original poster
antelopevalley · 14/12/2022 15:26

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet Yes I mean that!

OP posts:
Original poster
antelopevalley · 14/12/2022 15:27

And it is generally well off people who do it who want to pose as thoughtful and not buying into the "tackyness" of Christmas.

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 14/12/2022 15:28

It can be sensible in a home with tight resources. I think it's joyless in homes that apply it in the spirit of principled moderation.

3WildOnes · 14/12/2022 15:29

Mine dont get only four presents because they also get a stocking full of presents. However, they only get four main present. A new outfit, a set of books or a few books or just one really nice book and then a couple of things they they really want. The things they want could be anythings from a puzzle, a football shirt, a lego set, a scooter or a games console.
We all absolute adore Christmas and my children certainly don't feel hard done by, they always seem like they can't believe how lucky they are.

Lilithslove · 14/12/2022 15:29

I think 4 presents is enough from parents, especially if they are actually what the child wants but it would be mean to stop others from getting your kids gifts to keep it down to 4 in total.

It's a bit tone deaf to be shaming people for not buying loads of presents in a cost of living crisis.

Largethighsbadeyes · 14/12/2022 15:30

Is the other one something to wear?

I suppose it could go either way couldn't it?

So someone could get, a mac book, a new car, a designer dress and a first edition (seems unlikely)

OR

a cuddly toy, a new Toothbrush, new pants and a ladybird book 🤷‍♀️

Anyway...yes I'm in the it's mean camp. Nothing nicer than coming down to a big pile of presents in the morning.

itwasntmetho · 14/12/2022 15:30

Idk, I don’t do that but in some families there is extended family turning up with gifts all day.
My friend has so many nieces and nephews to buy for, these amounts all come back to her kids via her siblings too.

Original poster
antelopevalley · 14/12/2022 15:30

@Lilithslove I do see this as well. People posing about only buying four presents, but their children are bought tons of presents by relatives. So they still have the big pile of presents anyway.

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 14/12/2022 15:30

I think it’s a good way to avoid excessive consumption.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 14/12/2022 15:31

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 14/12/2022 15:26

Do you mean the whole ‘something you want something you need something to (can’t remember) something to read?’.

Yes it’s absolutely mean. And everyone IRL thinks so. But this is MN. It’s the competitive under buying of presents. Anything more than half an onion and a book on feminism for a 4yo boy is considered indulgent and your child will be SPOILT.

Choking 😂😂😂

TheDouglasChater · 14/12/2022 15:32

Anything more than half an onion

Have you been watching Motherland? Grin

3WildOnes · 14/12/2022 15:34

@FourTeaFallOut We are a fairly high income family and could afford to give our children piles and piles of gifts but dont so maybe we fall into your category. I really think our Christmas s are far from joyless though. I adore Christmas and go all out the whole month of December trying to make the month as fun as possible with lots of outtings and we are surrounded by extended family on the actual day.

merlotlover · 14/12/2022 15:35

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 14/12/2022 15:26

Do you mean the whole ‘something you want something you need something to (can’t remember) something to read?’.

Yes it’s absolutely mean. And everyone IRL thinks so. But this is MN. It’s the competitive under buying of presents. Anything more than half an onion and a book on feminism for a 4yo boy is considered indulgent and your child will be SPOILT.

😂😂😂😂

Baconand · 14/12/2022 15:36

DD is 3 and we do the 4 presents from us plus a stocking but we don’t boast about it.
We do it because she is the only grandchild on both sides and gets literally hundreds spent on her by family. Her toy mountain is mad. She just doesn’t need or want anything else as she is a very lucky child.

Hadjab · 14/12/2022 15:36

my kids have a set budget, some years they end up with one present, some years it can be as many as six, it’s all dependent on what they want.

Original poster
antelopevalley · 14/12/2022 15:37

Three is different. At that age my children got very little.

OP posts:
Santachores · 14/12/2022 15:37

What am I missing? I only buy my kids one present. Isn't this normal?

EdHelpPls · 14/12/2022 15:37

It's 4 from me and Santa comes every other year and fills a small stocking (Santa goes to them at their dads the other year). Plus I buy a board game or puzzle as a family gift.

BUT their dad /my ex buys them a ton of crap - quantity over quality is the name of the game there. So I suppose that balances it out.

I'm an ex hoarder and getting rid of so much stuff has really shifted my mentality around shopping and gift giving.

GooglyEyeballs · 14/12/2022 15:38

I don't care what people do at Christmas, it's up to them but why do you care? What difference does it really make if a kid gets 2, 4 or 8 presents?

UnbeatenMum · 14/12/2022 15:39

I sort of use this as a guide although it's more like 4-5 things you want and 1 of the other things. And my children get a massive pile of presents from grandparents too. I do always buy books though and 'something you need', which this year is hot water bottles for DDs and a playdoh set for DS.

At a charity near me they give out 2-3 toys, 2 books, a craft set, colouring or stationary, a game or puzzle and chocolate. So I do think just one toy is a bit sad for children if they're not getting anything from anyone else.