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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

276 replies

antelopevalley · 14/12/2022 15:20

I mean you do you.
But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

OP posts:
DashboardConfessional · 14/12/2022 16:35

Boooooot · 14/12/2022 16:20

Mine just writes a list and buy what’s on the list. Surely that’s the normal thing tk do?

This is the thing. If as a kid I wanted a Dream Phone game and a Barbie, I'd have been a bit sad if my parents said no, the £20 for the Barbie had to go on books or a new dressing gown on principle.

It's not as bad for teens and adults. I'm getting sheepskin slippers off my DM and a hoodie from DH!

hattie43 · 14/12/2022 16:35

FourTeaFallOut · 14/12/2022 15:28

It can be sensible in a home with tight resources. I think it's joyless in homes that apply it in the spirit of principled moderation.

Totally this .

Frazzlefrazle · 14/12/2022 16:38

The point of presents are that they are gifts bought specifically for someone in mind with thought and care. It doesn't matter the cost or amount it truly is the thought behind it. Some years my kids have a lot because I've seen things I know they would love other years not so much.

Its always good to remember you don't know what gets spent throughout the year. Some people only seem to give things at Xmas or birthdays where others give things as and when.

The best thing to do is to just do what you feel is right for your family and not wonder about other family's.

ArticSaviour · 14/12/2022 16:38

It has made us think much more carefully about what we buy. There is a lot less tat.

Orormno · 14/12/2022 16:38

Mine only get 2-3 from us but they get presents from two sets of grandparents, four sets of auntie/uncles and three great aunties so they still have masses. Plus we put more in the stocking than lots of people do so that contains some smaller presents too rather than just sweets and pants etc.

I have an irrational hatred of the rhyme though especially considering I do always buy mine a book/set of books and they always get something to wear in their stockings 😳

PollyAmour · 14/12/2022 16:42

I've always done the rule of 4 at Christmas, birthdays too, but each child gets way more than 4 presents from the extended family. The rule of 4 can be as miserly or as generous as you wish.

I do have 4 DC though and yes, I know I am thoroughly irresponsible and selfish for having so many Xmas Wink

MilkyYay · 14/12/2022 16:42

It really depends who is buying for a child.
My DC get a small stocking of little bits (sweets, pants and socks, crayons etc) and a single bigger gift from us.

But then they have two sets of grandparents who each give a gift, plus about 5 more sets of aunts/uncles who do too. That's loads of gifts. They don't need a vast pile.

That said it really depends how you live. My friend likes there to be a huge towering heap of gifts but would wrap a turd if it would make the pile bigger - she pads out the pile with basic clothing, shoes, bedding sets, snack foods etc whereas if my kids need clothes i buy them through the year.

MilkyYay · 14/12/2022 16:44

I think it's joyless in homes that apply it in the spirit of principled moderation.

Oh so because DH and I earn 280k between us we are required to lavish unecessary gifts on our spoiled kids in the name of "joy"?

It's really not all about the gifts. There is nothing wrong with principled moderation.

Caspianberg · 14/12/2022 16:45

Stockings here have always been from Santa.
The main gift from parents ( so some imaginary guy doesn’t get the credit for the main pricey item)

So stockings always contain actual small gifts, otherwise Santa would be a bit stingy if as children we asked and just got some socks and toothpaste.
Stocking normal size, but I remember mine as a child having everything from Sylvianian family people ( if I was getting main larger playset form parents) and barbie clothing when younger , chocolates, to nail varnish and headphones as teenager.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 14/12/2022 16:45

I don't think it's mean at all, especially if you put a lot of thought into getting things you know they will really love. I have found that kids just get overwhelmed when you throw loads of 'stuff' at them.

Mistymountain · 14/12/2022 16:46

I don't think it is a rule. I'm 63 and have never heard of it until this year's Mumsnet! People should just do whatever makes them happy at Christmas without bothering what other people are doing.

MilkyYay · 14/12/2022 16:48

If as a kid I wanted a Dream Phone game and a Barbie, I'd have been a bit sad if my parents said no

My 6 year old has form for asking for ludicrous things e.g.

  • his own computer to play games on
  • a table tennis table and bats (we don't have room!!)
  • a car (a real one).
  • a phone
  • a £500 lego set (found in a catalogue owned by a cousin)
  • a full size bouncy castle

Etc etc

Its not a bad lesson in life to learn to appreciate a gift you get and not solely expect whatever you ask for.

WordtoYoMumma · 14/12/2022 16:48

We've always done the 4 present thing. Works for us. The kids get a stocking from Santa and they buy each other a present too.

We can't afford "huge piles of presents" and even the year when we had a little extra money it was one main present and three small ones, the main present was an expensive one.

How many presents are people buying their kids if 4 each is mean??? I have three kids so we have to buy 20 presents for all 5 of us. Even at £10 a present that's already £200. And that's mean? 😂

I wish I had the money not to be mean eh

FourTeaFallOut · 14/12/2022 16:50

No. I think you should ask them what they would like and get those to the point you are comfortable with rather than impose these arbitrary categories of restraint.

TheChristmasElf · 14/12/2022 16:53

We have always had a stocking and pillow case full with a few bigger boxes that won’t fit sitting around form Sara and that’s been all the way through from much younger to now tween/teen…

I enjoy and can afford to spoil my DD’s but agree it’s relative to each house hold, though I can’t believe there are parents that that only give their child one present, unless financially unable to give any more, that feels a bit miserable!

Tiredallofthetime · 14/12/2022 16:53

I don’t like it because it is preachy and headmisstressy. And the only people I know who follow it are schoolteachers.

CanINapNow · 14/12/2022 16:53

I would only do a few small bits for my DC purely because my family is huge and they get loads from others so just not necessary for me to get them loads too. All ends up never looked at or played with, just a waste to overbuy for the sake of it. Would get them more myself if they weren’t getting so many from family and friends though.

Lcb123 · 14/12/2022 16:54

Surely it's about the value rather than quantity, and children can/should learn to understand that. If they are receiving one high value item rather than multiple lower value. I personally try to be mindful of waste and the environment so prioritise experience or edible gifts.

Testina · 14/12/2022 16:55

I think it’s mean.
Want, need, wear, read - right?

I don’t buy into the thing about budgets.
If you want afford Xmas, it’s fine to do:
wear, wear, wear, need

If you can only afford for presents, it’s not going to damage then to have:
want, want, want, want

When I was 12, my want, want, want, want would have looked like:
read, read, read, read

That doesn’t make me morally superior to my own 12yo whose 4x want would be:
mascara, lip gloss, body spray, chocolate

I’m not going to swap one of those for a book just because need/read went viral cos they rhyme 🤷🏻‍♀️

Its bollocks. Get what you want and can afford.

HelloDaisy · 14/12/2022 16:56

My dc have only ever asked for 1 thing each for Christmas. Ds started that when he was very young, when he could talk, and dd just followed along. They’re big now but still ask for just one thing. I also do stockings though.

I now work for a crisis charity and am saddened by the difference between haves and have nots..

Leothebear · 14/12/2022 16:57

Santachores · 14/12/2022 15:37

What am I missing? I only buy my kids one present. Isn't this normal?

Same here. Surely 1 gift is enough? 😐

BiscuitLover3678 · 14/12/2022 16:58

I haven’t even heard of this. Does it mean you just get 4 gifts?

I think it’s a good idea but I am too obsessed buying stuff for my son. I’m trying to be better this year though.

Teder · 14/12/2022 16:59

Do you have young children? The older they get, the more expensive the gift and therefore, the smaller the “pile”.
I think it more joyless to spend money on 1 day (or 2 days if you count their birthday) per year. I prefer to spend our fun funds on various things throughout the year including theme park trips and the trainers they “neeeeeed, please mum!” in July.

Cactuslove · 14/12/2022 17:00

So glad you said this OP. I agree but I feel like you're not allowed to say it!

Needmorelego · 14/12/2022 17:00

I always am curious to what people actually mean by 'one' present. For example child wants a baby doll. So you buy a baby doll. But I would also buy a couple of outfits, one of those pretend milk feeding bottles, little mini change bag (to store the outfits and bottle) etc.
Is this 'one' gift? Or several? There are some toys you really do need to add on extras. No point in gifting a wooden dolls house or parking garage if you don't also gift furniture or cars.