To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

[antelopevalley]

I mean you do you.
But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

My friendship circle is high income.

What does this mean? Just your very close friends, one particular set of friends?
I don't really have friendship circles (I tend to think of younger people when I see this term); I do have different groups of friends and I have a fair idea of the income of some of my friends, but thinking about the different groups I know (village friends, book club, running club, open water swim pals) I can't think of any where everyone is one particular income - though I don't think I've ever thought about it.

Sorry, I've gone off topic, it just stuck me as an odd observation.

You buy your child a present?! They sound spoilt. At Christmas we spend the day kicking our children and forcing them to eat raw sprouts

@Bimblybomeyelash for me a stocking is just for chocolate coins and pencils and stickers so I guess that’s why I don’t consider them to be significant.

Mine are getting 2 gifts from us - Theatre show tickets and bikes. I don’t feel that’s tight.

Mine just writes a list and buy what’s on the list. Surely that’s the normal thing tk do?

We probably flirted around the ten gifts each mark when they were diddy. In my experience the ‘piles of gifts’ family pictures include really everyday things wrapped up for effect and the rule of 4 tends to be more high value? My lot do have more than 4 things wrapped up it’s not much more due to cost! We are a big blended family, 3 have new phones, one has had an iPad, one a VR headset, couple switch lites. They know their preferred brand of hoodie is £100 these days so it’s quality over quantity. I could load them up with primark and smellies but they’d rather have one branded hoodie over several high street ones so 4 things is eminently reasonable!

My three are getting maybe four or five presents each. Teenagers are expensive, and I’d rather they got quality over quantity.

This is what I mean about competitive under buying. I imagine @antelopevalley isnt wrapping up cubes of polystyrene ‘just so kids have a lot of stuff to open’ I imagine it’s presents they’ll actually use.

Ds was saying to me that when he was little he loved opening the gifts

It didn't matter if it was poundland tat inside that his dad had wrapped up

However I'm more of the moderate POV

How are you all fitting presents into stockings?! We just put sweets in ours - most toys are annoyingly massive and in big packaging they barely fit in gift bags let alone stockings

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I normally put sweets, but I try and find 1 or two other small things as well if possible. Like a whoopee cushion. But always at the pocket money level.

I can just imagine my children's faces if I wrapped up chunks of polystyrene!!

Like the fake presents you get underneath trees in shopping centres 😂😂😂

Me too. Never heard of 4.

This is when I think the four presents can be a useful guide. My niblings get an overwhelming amount of presents from extended family. I think a limit for some of the gift givers would be helpful especially as the gifts get opened over multiple days as there are so many(!)

My children have about 12 presents each from us, which feels like the right amount for them. They include mostly small items (a yoyo, a £6 wallet, a jigsaw, an annual) and a couple of more expensive items each (like a Lego set). This feels like the right balance for our family. They will probably have another 3 or 4 presents from the wider family. They also have a stocking with essentials/consumables (toothpaste, shower gel, chocolate bar, that kind of thing - stuff I'd buy anyway but just stock up on at the end of the year). They want for little but do enjoy unwrapping presents so I've worked out that wrapping up mundane things, like a toothbrush, for them ticks their boxes for Christmas morning excitement and mine for not overwhelming them/the house with clutter. Realistically they can only play with one toy at a time so it doesn't make sense to get tonnes of stuff.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet My children would love to have raw sprouts! Seems like you spoil yours.

I sort of do this. When mine were early primary I went a bit ott with getting them presents as did my parents. So much got barely played with and it was wasteful.

We now get a big present, 4 want/need/wear/read and some silly odd ones. I do it for dh and dm too. I am not sure dd1 needs a Starbucks voucher but she'll really appreciate it as will sock based freak dd2 with her box of odd socks.

So I don't think it's joyless, it helps me focus. I try and get dh to do it for me too.

They could just be trying to reduce their kid's expectations of a pile of pressies. They might be conscious of the environmental impact of buy buy buy. They could be trying to model responsible behaviour for their kids. They could be putting their money where their mouth is on eco-issues. They could be 'wealthy' but have no spare cash this Christmas.

"And it is generally well off people who do it who want to pose as thoughtful" sound like judgemental, meaningless bollocks to me, tbh.

Sometimes we buy a lot, sometimes we don't. My kids don't ask for a lot, as a rule. I don't have some intrinsic, money-based ethos on it. I also don't give two hoots what others do, although we should all be conscious of how much plastic and tat we produce, and teach our kids to produce. That's not a festive judgement - that's common sense.

If I hear of someone doing this, my reaction is usually a wistful, 'oh I wish we did that,' or something vaguely positive. I don't think about it much more after that

My DD has a birthday close to xmas and I dont buy much through the year so I like to spoil her a bit on the day with a pile of presents. My parents did this for me and we were quite poor so they saved all year to do so. I remember the absolute magic and joy of seeing all those gifts for me so fuck it, I want to do that for my child.

Four is an excellent idea - never heard of the rule, but we never had massive piles of pressies. Only about 5 or 6 at most, some years maybe 3 or 4 (plus a stocking with little bits - so really it's still lots of stuff). Far better four things they really want than a load of stuff for a 'big pile'. I think having only four presents makes you more likely to think through each choice and buy wisely.

What it's not, is mean.

It depends each year what they want or need. It's not mean! Mean would be to not buy them anything and even then if you can't afford it it's not mean. Christmas should be more about having fun together not endless piles of presents.

I mean, really, why does it matter to you how other people do Christmas?

That's quite unusual. Even if it's a big present, garage, Barbie house, iPad etc, there's usually a few smaller presents. Unless family are coming over with presents.

As said, higher income families buy stuff as and when, there's also adequate tech about. Poorer families condense present buying. The dilemma would be if the child needed a device to get online, but wanted something costing £££. Where we live we have four decent libraries, so something to read isn't necessary, unless a specific subscription is wanted. The something to wear would have been designer in my DD's case. My teens only got about four/five presents and cash. I agree these rules are a bit joyless.

We had very little money when my 3 DC were little . They were lucky if we could afford 4 presents for them , and I felt so guilty that I couldn’t give them as much as their cousins . They are in their 40s now and their children get mountains of gifts and I’m glad that they do .