To think four present rule seems a bit mean?

[antelopevalley]

I mean you do you.
But secretly I do think it is a bit mean. Although you probably would think we are tacky as our children have a big wrapped pile of presents at Christmas.

We don’t limit our children to 4 gifts, but we have used this rule as a way of getting them to think about their Christmas lists. So we’d get a piece of paper, divide it into 4 squares, with ‘Want, Need, Wear, Read’ on it and they’d fill in the things into the columns. We’d prompt some things when younger for them to add, and encourage them to put even small stuff on the list.

The expectation was never that they got everything on their list, but it did mean on Christmas Day they got a great spread of things from all sorts of places - their Father Christmas delivered stocking would hold some of the stuff, presents from us and relatives would give them other bits.

100% this

It isn't a "rule" so...

@Cactuslove It does seem to be the MN mantra.

My DDs get gifts from godparents, £150 worth from ILs, a few from aunts and uncles, some from my parents and several from other neighbours and friends. So no, I don't think 4 plus 30ish others and a stocking from Santa is mean.

I feel like that is a tacky response to a lovely idea that's supposed to promote quality over quantity. Piles and piles of shit also nauseates me though tbf. Also never heard it responded to as goading, how bizarre.

We have done the 'rule of four' for several years and my children request it again and again. I do generally do 2-3 things within each category though if it's not a pricier item, and a pile of clothes not just one item. They also get a Santa gift and stockings.

Hilarious how on MN you can simultaneously be called excessive and scraping the magic barrel for doing Christmas Eve boxes or North Pole Breakfasts, yet mean for using the 4 gift category rule.

I guess it depends how strictly people do it. I would say you could want two books, need another book, read a third book. And kids always need new clothes or shoes so I think the wear thing always works.

But I agree, if your kids say I'd just like four books for Christmas and you say no you can only have one cos the rhyme says so then that seems a shame.

I like a bit of structure and my kids can never think of anything they want anyway. I have teenage boys and all they want is money 😂 or is that something they need 😜

Honestly, before I was on mumsnet, I had no idea what other families did! And was perfectly happy with the way we did things (including NOT wrapping stocking gifts!).

just do what you want. I don’t care what anyone else does.

My father is still cross because his mother went for quantity over quality. He’d have preferred one good present to four crap ones. It’s still a sore point at 87.

We don't stick to a number of presents rule but we do, without thinking about it, tend to do the something you need, something you want etc.,
So this year DS has a got a few lego sets that he wants, a couple of books that he's not mentioned but I know they are subjects he loves, a couple of new bits of clothing and some body sprays he's been hinting at. So it's not one book or one lego set but it is four types of presents - if that makes sense.

If I didn't have the money to buy that I'd be sticking to the 'what he wants' rule. Because Christmas is about getting something you've been hinting about or asking for when you're a kid (if it can be afforded) - not a new hoodie costing the same amount that mum or dad think you need, isn't it?

My DC would not be happy with four gifts at all and I say this as someone who tries hard not to raise consumerist brats. It just isn’t many gifts really, is it? If it’s all you can afford then sure but it doesn’t seem to be those people, it’s middle class people trying to prove some weird point.

@Sartre Except so many on here are saying yes we do that, but each child gets another 20 presents from relatives. So it is a bit of a lie really as the child is still getting loads of presents.

oh come on.

I don't think I've ever even discussed my Christmas present buying approach with my friends. And had never heard of this mantra until MN. People should just get on with whatever works for their household and stop worrying about what goes on at No.72.

I utterly love the poem. We have used it for every birthday and Christmas since DD1 was born. It makes planning so easy, it reduces our consumption on eco grounds and it just feels so right.

Christmas isn't primarily about gifts. They are nice part of the festival but only a part of it.

You would probably find our entire lifestyle joyless though, OP. No new plastic or tech, our clothes are mostly second-hand, we don't fly anywhere, we spend our family time outdoors as much as possible, try to buy local food...

I tend to find the joy of family life is in tiny moments; never in 'stuff'.

I think there's something magical about coming downstairs and seeing a pile of presents under the tree as a child.

There used to be 6 of us in our house at Christmas, that's 24 presents under the tree if 4 each 🌲 Still magical for them to be there Christmas morning even when they're not all for you.

Surely it very much depends on the value of the presents? I'm spending significantly more on a single present each for my DCs this year, than I did for a dozen presents when they were younger. Can't see how anyone could think this was "mean".

Not necessarily mean, but the wanky rhyme gets right on my nerves. I don't do it myself as I love spoiling my kids at Christmas and seeing them open their presents is the best bit for me.

Same. I am constantly amazed by the arbitrary rules people impose on themselves. I just buy what I feel I can afford based on what they have asked for.

I recall wanting entire pages of Argos catalogue and the joy of getting some of it.

I don’t think it’s mean at all. In fact I think it would be complete ingratitude to sniff at 4 presents as opposed to none. The reality is that everyone should set a budget they are comfortable with and buy what they want within that. Nobody should feel obliged to break the bank or compete with any one else.

fwiw I only bought my son one present for his first two Christmases (he still had plenty from family anyway and was to young to care). This year he has 6 things (including some cheap things like a book and excluding his stocking which has 5 relatively cheap things in it) and I think I’ve bought him plenty.

Who is stopping you? I personally have no need to announce to all and sundry how much I buy, or not buy.

It depends how big those 4 presents are though. Someone may class a whole new wardrobe as 'something to wear' as opposed to a jumper. Or a new car as 'something you need.'

I don't care for it but Christmasses were a big deal when I was a kid and so I probably buy far more than MN would ever deem appropriate

Talk about taking what I said out of context, bloody hell. 😄

I said if they said no because they were willing to spend the money for one of those things but not on something deemed not "worthy" enough.

Tbh I think it's a bit inflexible. Surely it depends on the scale of present? After all, 'something you want' could be as small as a toy car or as big as a Apple tablet. I tend to set a budget in the Autumn and do my best to stick to it.

My DS has 8 presents from us. One of which is a book, one of which is an item of clothing. All of his requests this year were very modest, so I don't have a problem with him having a larger pile.

Oh and the poem gives me irrational rage every time I hear it.