To say something about dc's present

[Frostysnowlady]

So common theme here but my dc is born a few days before xmas.

We visited family this week doing the pre Xmas visits and present exchange. Some close family have given both my dc a Xmas present but no extra bday present or card, another gave both dc a Xmas present and a seperate birthday card but no seperate bday present.

Appreciate bday is next week but post strikes etc surely you would give both at same time??

I feel upset for my dc I know they are only 1 but it's setting a precedent isn't it.

AIBU unreasonable to say something? How would you word it.

[Benjispruce4]

Maybe there is a present to come in the post or money will be sent . It is an expense time but the gift can be a small book for example or some confectionery.

[Benjispruce4]

Yanbu

[FabFitFifties]

My now adult DN's birthday is 21st - she always had birtday presents, family tea party etc, from the beginning. Still gets everything but the party.

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

Nobody is obligated to give a child a gift for birthday or Christmas. Parents making gift demands shouldn’t be surprised if people just opt out after being dictated to.

[RambamThankyouMam]

The best thing I've found, and the way to not be disappointed or stressed, is to just not expect anything from anyone. Very liberating.

[BMrs]

@Frostysnowlady

@KitchiHuritAngeni we always make an effort for bday and Xmas for their small children. Do you think we should stop buying their dc a card and present on their birthday too

@Frostysnowlady no! Just wait too it and discuss when they're a little older. My sons birthday is today and we always start Xmas celebrations the day after so tomorrow I'll do their Xmas Eve type boxes etc. just for future, we sometimes as for money for DA birthday and he saves it and buys something later in the year like a toy for the garden etc. this year he had a party with friends from school and instead of gifts I asked for parents to put a couple of quid in his card instead and he's saved up to buy a tv for his bedroom. Just an idea for the future

[Organzo]

It's always hard having a birthday near Christmas. Before is better than after though. You can make a point of celebrating his birthday the weekend before Christmas, then it's a bit more special, even if it's not the 'actual' day.

People will get used to it, just keep making a point and always have a birthday party/ get together for him.

[Ellie1015]

I would invite them for tea and cake to celebrate birthday. Do it a few weeks before or after Christmas so dc has a birthday celebration.

[Prescottdanni123]

If their birthday is a few days before Xmas, then I think some people will just give combined xmas/birthday presents, especially if money is tight. Nor do I think that they owe you an explanation as to why they haven't bought both.

[BooksAndHooks]

DS has a Boxing Day birthday. He has never missed out, in fact he loves it as feels he gets extra attention. He’s never missed out on birthday presents. At 1 most of the gifts were special keepsake type gifts like special edition books.

If people can’t afford gifts this year that’s understandable but surely they should have at least mentioned it, to just ignore the birthday is really rude if birthdays are usually marked by them.

[Welpthereitis]

My dd birthday is this Sunday she is 15 now I made it very clear when she was younger her birthday and Christmas are 2 separate occasions, my sil bought her a very cheap gift (pound shop this was years ago) and said it was for both occasions her ds birthday is February so when I gave her ds gift on Christmas Day ( football kits all the works I said this is also birthday present and she went mental how could I do this blah blah blah my amazing mil put her in her place and told her that if it was ok for her to do then it was ok for me to do ( I did buy him a birthday present it’s not his fault) never happened again dd birthday has always been a separate occasion

[MyHaloSlipped]

My DS has a birthday the week before Christmas. I politely told family/friends I would rather them celebrate his birthday rather than Christmas. Everyone now kindly celebrates his birthday with presents which he loves and it makes him feel special. At Christmas he either gets a little token gift or nothing. This works for us and he gets to appreciate his birthday just like others then me and his dad so the presents at Christmas as well as birthday

[somuchtolearnabout]

You're seriously considering calling people out for not buying your 1yr old a birthday present? What would you even say? Maybe it's a joint present and they've spent more on one gift than they normally would to account for both events??

When the child is old enough to realise it's their birthday then MAYBE you can have a discussion with family members as it's not nice for a child to feel like their birthday is forgotten. But that issue is years away.

[Dontjudgeme101]

@YellowTreeHouse

YANBU. I would absolutely say something, this isn’t on.

A child cannot help when their birthday is and should not be left out if other children in the family are given birthday and Christmas presents by these people.

I have a Christmastime child too and I’ve always been very clear they are two separate events. No birthday presents in Christmas wrapping paper etc etc. It’s lazy and thoughtless.

Thank you. I have a birthday very near to Christmas Day. It’s not on to have a joint birthday/Christmas present or no birthday present or no birthday card. You know when their birthday is. People can always put a bit of money away earlier on in the year or get a present earlier in the year for their birthday present. They can save it and then give it to them on their actual birthday. It’s just thoughtless to not acknowledge that it’s there special day. It’s no one’s fault and we don’t get to decide what day we are born. Please remember that we miss a lot of fun things to do because of this time of year. It hurt as a child as you do t feel as important as other people when they celebrate their birthdays!

[Champagneforeveryone]

@MrsSkylerWhite

Maybe they’ve spent more on one gift than they have for others, as a joint gift?

This is fine if it's at the parents / birthday child's request. I have occasionally had a "big" present for Christmas that I wouldn't have had if it hadn't been a joint gift. However you dress it up though, it is shit (particularly as a child) if you only get one gift for the two events when that's not what you've asked for.

[FabYuleLous]

If you buy others DC presents for their birthday during the year, and they don't reciprocate, then I would stop that. Tell whoever, that you can all just keep it to Christmas presents and a card.

[ThatEdgyFeeling]

My DD is 23Dec. We have a 3/4 bday for her in sept and all celebrate then. Party everything easier. 23 Dec is just for us

[BahHumbug2022]

I think you should say something, maybe in the thank you cards/ text for their Christmas presents.
Something along the lines that you have two children and you don’t want one to have a birthday with cards and presents and not the other. You don’t mind neither getting cards and gifts but both siblings need to be treated the same.

However I have a husband and two close friends with birthdays this week and next and it’s really problematic. Even going out for dinner means booking weeks in advance, presents are terribly difficult and card shops do less birthday cards. Plus the weathers is against you.

I think people should really think twice about having unprotected sex in early April.

[Sugarfree23]

I'd say nothing.
Are these family members likely to turn up on his actual birthday, with gifts, maybe they've put money in cards.
If it happens next year then I'd stop marking their birthdays.

Half my family birthdays are December. Just super! Trying to come up with 2 ideas and remember everything. The only birthday that gets moved is the one on 24th, it's just a PITA of a date for a birthday. But even at that it gets moved by a few days and try not to clash with someone else's birthday!

Everyone gets two gifts but sometimes it can be easier to get a more expensive joint gift. Any money is kept for summer and I'll let kids pick stuff then.

[MargotChateau]

My ex partner’s birthday was on NYE, and he hated it. Always missed out on presents, his relatives when he was little would combine his Christmas and birthday gift, but his 4 other siblings received separate presents. He couldn’t have parties as his friends when he was little, we’re often away with family over the holiday period, or the ones that stayed, their parents had NYE plans.

My baby (with a new partner) is due around NYE, we will be planning to celebrate at home with immediate family in the future on their actual birthday, but use the date of the IVF transfer to celebrate it’s birthday with other people.

My ex and a few friends with birthdays around the holidays all HATED it, so that’s my plan for my child to not have a subpar birthday. My birthday is closish to Christmas and I don’t like it, the year felt so long not being broken up by birthdays and Christmas being a decent chunk apart.

[OnceAgainWithFeeling]

@Greensleevevssnotnose

My brother's bday is Jan 2nd and the never got presents as a child I always thought that was mean. My friend has 25 Dec birthday and until he had kids the day was his until 2pm then Christmas began, he has no birthday now

DH’s birthday is 2nd Jan and the same happened. His brothers all have summer birthdays. People used to say he had a joint Xmas and birthday present but he would get the same as his brothers and then see them get something else in the summer. He was very hurt by it.

It’s one of the reasons we’ve barely done Xmas for the last 18 or so years and we focus on birthdays instead - after all they’re personal.

For milestone birthdays we do something on 2nd July (his half birthday) that’s far more likely to draw a crowd (nobody wants a birthday bbq on 2nd Jan!).

[Afolnerd]

2 of my dc have Xmas birthdays. 18th and Boxing Day. I have always made it clear there is to be no joint presents unless specifically asked for. One year dd wanted an iPad and she knew it would have to be a joint present, and no Christmas wrapping paper.

When dd was little one of ex’s family gave all the other kids in the family a Christmas present and told dd she didn’t need one as she would be getting a birthday present tomorrow!
I didn’t take it overly well and it made Xmas dinner quite awkward. He didn’t try that crap again though.

[Wiloswisp]

Is there money in any of the birthday cards?

[Badgirlriri]

What’s with all the entitled grabbiness lately?!

No one has to buy your child anything!