To say something about dc's present

[Frostysnowlady]

So common theme here but my dc is born a few days before xmas.

We visited family this week doing the pre Xmas visits and present exchange. Some close family have given both my dc a Xmas present but no extra bday present or card, another gave both dc a Xmas present and a seperate birthday card but no seperate bday present.

Appreciate bday is next week but post strikes etc surely you would give both at same time??

I feel upset for my dc I know they are only 1 but it's setting a precedent isn't it.

AIBU unreasonable to say something? How would you word it.

[girlfriend44]

Whys it all about presents?

[RoxysWalkInCloset]

I'm born a few days before Christmas and I have gotten double gifted forever from "well intentioned" family members that told me "I got you a bigger gift for Christmas because it means more." It really doesn't. You have all year to plan for and know when my birthday is. It's never gonna change. And if it's not the double gift, it's the DUPLICATE gift. Like, I get why you didn't tell ME what you got, but you can talk to each OTHER.

Feel free to save the commentary of me being ungrateful. Folks are literally finding ways to ruin the joy of gifts being RECEIVED on birthdays and holidays.

So when I was old enough to have my own money as a teen, I didn't get birthday gifts for ANYONE but my mama that year and come Christmas I would tell them "I got you a bigger gift because it means more!" They looked at me perplexed because regardless of when their birthday was, June, January, July, September, I WANTED them to know how it felt to be double gifted. If you can't feel special on your own BIRTHDAY, when CAN you?!

Yeah, my family largely stopped with double gifting me and my siblings after that. To think, they ARE capable of separate gifts! We are all born around Christmas and in late January. Does this sound salty? Yes. Am I allowed to be salty about being ignored? Yes! Literally, imagine being born in June and getting a gift in December and sad you didn't get two gifts because Christmas isn't your birthday. EXACTLY.

[TennyTroo]

My birthday is two weeks after Christmas, I'd get one 'happy Xmas & birthday' joint gift when younger, no parties and most would forget.

I tried to organise a party one year as an adult and no one turned u. I ignore my birthday now.

You get used to it!

[Zanatdy]

Fellow December birthday (30th). They better get used to it! Only 1 of my friends is organised enough to give both presents before Christmas. I definitely wouldn’t say anything no way

[December21stbaby25]

My birthday just passed and i always got a birthday AND christmas gifts, especially now that i’m older it means a lot because during school no one would show up to my parties or even remember my birthday cause of the holiday. So i think it’s important for the child to feel special and i understand about the inflation and all that jazz but at the end of the day no kid likes to feel overlooked and not special because of a man made holiday…

[PollyPut]

They're 1. They don't know. Most people don't want more baby things in the house. I really wouldn't stress.

[Ellie1015]

When do you nornally exchange gifts? Set up a specific meet for dc birthday. Tea and cake sing happy birthday etc. Means child won't feel left out and people less likely to forget ir treat same as Christmas.

[YellowTreeHouse]

@GingerLiberalFeminist No, the 1 year old won’t remember. But you need to put your foot down now about expectations going forward because if you don’t it will happen year after year after year.

People are lazy and thoughtless, even the ones that claim to love your child.

[GingerLiberalFeminist]

I don't have DC but my child is due to be born next week (!). Expecting a child at Xmas, my DP and I decided early on we would try and do a summer party for our child each year, as the child will never get a proper birthday party because of Xmas, nor will they get proper presents.

We won't expect people to buy presents in the summer but to give the child the opportunity for a proper party seemed sensible.

Sadly December babies suffer this a lot!

Remember your 1 year old won't remember and will be happy with cuddles and attention no matter what!

[JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam]

@Sugarfree23 ive never moved his birthday (he’s 13 this year) because it doesn’t feel right. He’s had parties with his school friends the Saturday before sometimes. But we do a big birthday party tea every year and Santa gets left a bit of birthday cake rather than a mince pie 😂.

[Sugarfree23]

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam Totally agree Christmas Eve is a shit day for a birthday, everybody is busy, you don't want to lessen the excitement of Christmas, nor to you want the birthday to be forgotten.
How do you manage a Christmas Eve birthday?

So far I've moved LOs to Sunday before Christmas or this time the Friday 23rd. I'm not keen on moving it too far or doing half birthdays.

[Oliol]

As I've said upthread, I'm a Christmas Birthday - so I WAS that kid - and two of my DDs are as well.

I was raised to be grateful for a gift, and that's how I'm raising my children. If children feel secure, valued and loved year-round, then they're unlikely to be catastrophically affected by the sight of a snowman on the paper wrapping their birthday present.

No child will feel unloved and inadequate because the wrapping on a present had the wrong pattern unless they have this kind of appalling behaviour demonstrated to them.

I agree that Christmas and birthday gifts should ideally be separate, but IF they are not, then a parent has a choice. They can explain why that is, why it seems unfair but why it happens, so the child grows with the knowledge that their worth and the value of their relationships should never be measured by how much someone spends on them, or what the present is.

Or, as shown on this thread, the adult can go apeshit, fling presents in the bin, screech into people's faces about wrapping SEPERATE presents in the RIGHT PAPER, and model some truly fucking unhelpful behaviour to the child.

[Frostysnowlady]

Thank you everyone who replied especially the mums with December babies many of you seem to be on my side and feel it is unfair if other children in the family recieve birthday presents and my dc doesn't purely because they are born in Dec.

Their are only 4 children in the family. 2 of them being mine. I am talking aunties, uncles and grandparents here who we are very close with and do do presents with so not 'extended' family. I would never request or expect a gift from someone I didn't exchange gifts with myself.

I just wondered if a conversation should be had and I think it does. I am not keen on half birthday to ensure presents that's not my intention and the day he is born is special imo perhaps we will have that conversation with dc when they are older.

I strongly believe if you can't afford an extra gift this year just communicate that, no problem. To say nothing and give nothing is disappointing and upsetting and I won't allow my child to feel this way too. I will say something and as family and loved ones the should understand. A kids book can be £1 it's the gesture that they mean something to family that's important imo.

Oh and the card wasn't sealed so I checked no money or voucher

[JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam]

@Palacepicker

If you spoke to me like that I wouldn’t bother with any gift. You just took the joy out of the giving.

My boys birthday is Christmas Eve. It’s a shit day to have a birthday. It’s even shittier when his 3 siblings get it all and he gets rolled into Christmas. So yes to the people who buy for the other 3 I have requested birthday paper and no joint present. It’s not like I go round demanding it from everyone who might know us.

Come back and tell me I’m unreasonable when you’ve got a child with a Christmas birthday, because that’s when you’ll truly understand.

[Katela18]

I have a little girl who's birthday os 3 days post Xmas.

Thus happened her first birthday, either 'joint presenrs' and birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper.

We did nip it in the bud. We just said we appreciate its close to Christmas but as she gets older we didn't want her to see her siblings getting gifts and celebrating and her feeling overlooked so we would be treating her birthday and Xmas as two separate events and would appreciate others did the same.

No issues since and all family OK and understanding

[aSofaNearYou]

But again, birthdays are not a surprise. They’re the same date every year so plenty of time to budget.

If you budget for a June birthday you can absolutely budget for a December birthday.

Yes, in an ideal world, but not everyone really budgets for other people's kids birthdays, it's a bit much to expect non parents to have thought about it months in advance, the birthday just comes around and you think "oh yeah".

I'm not saying it's exemplary behaviour, yes it's a bit of a fuck up but likely an honest an unintentional one. When it comes to gifts I don't think it's really reasonable to confront people about what they do and don't buy, because at the end of the day they don't have to get anything at all. It's rude to make it an expectation. I would not approach someone about this without making it very clear I appreciate what they DO do and wouldn't mind at all if they stopped doing Christmas presents so they could get the birthday child a gift, because it is understandable if they struggle to afford it.

[YellowTreeHouse]

@aSofaNearYou

Not the December/January baby’s fault that an enormous commercial festival means people overspend. If they were born in September they would presumably get something.

birthdays should be far more important than tat-mas son my view

But again, it's not about whether it's their fault, it's about whether people can afford it. Not everyone overspends, many people are broke purely because of all the different people they have to buy something for.

In this case I would probably stop buying either kids Christmas presents and just get them birthday presents. But the expectation that they MUST do both or they are being thoughtless is unfair imo.

But again, birthdays are not a surprise. They’re the same date every year so plenty of time to budget.

If you budget for a June birthday you can absolutely budget for a December birthday.

[AriettyHomily]

Nephew is a Boxing Day baby, we always get Christmas and birthday present, wrapped appropriately although now he is older he understands that if he wants something more ££ then it can be combined. SIL takes the tree down Christmas night to decorate for his birthday I don't think I'd be that committed.

[Craver]

One of my friends has a daughter born on Christmas Day- She "moved" the celebrations of her birthday to the 25th of January each year. Close enough to remember but far enough away to be separate from Christmas.

[hiredandsqueak]

My birthday is Christmas Day, I've had a lifetime of "joint birthday/Christmas presents", birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper or generally forgotten. When I was a child I had an official birthday in November so I could have a party then. Now I celebrate Christmas on the day and I have my birthday celebration on Mother's Day instead

[Palacepicker]

@OnceAgainWithFeeling

Nobody “must” buy for anyone. We don’t buy for 6 out of 7 nieces and nephews. Don’t buy for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, postie or window cleaner either. It’s a much better way to do it IMO. (15 years and counting.)

Absolutely - dh keeps the presents going on his sid of the family - I do not take part as I would have opted out as I did with my own family. Dh is a bit shit with it - they get money but he's often late.

[beecrazy]

My Christmas day born grandson has cards and a cake at Christmas but presents and a party on the Saturday nearest to 25th June. Seems to keep everyone happy, he's 12 this year!

[Lovemylittlebear]

Sorry start a general convo about having a Christmas birthday and hope that child doesn’t feel down about it and that you will make sure to do separate birthday and Christmas presents to keep it separate and see if that gets them thinking about their behaviour maybe x

[Lovemylittlebear]

I have one before Christmas and one after Christmas and family are very good at keeping birthdays and Christmas separate. That’s because it’s common sense that a child is going to feel rubbish about their birthday if family don’t bother (but usually do for others) just because of the time of year. Like you said it’s the thought that counts as opposed to money.

In your shoes I wouldn’t say anything but I would start a conversation about it so that they could perspective take a bit and then hopefully as baby gets bigger they will make an effort for birthdays etc. this year my son has a small party so he is celebrating this weekend but other years I would bring party forward a week or two if he wanted quite a few friends to be there x

[Eixample]

It’s mean and rude to give one sibling a birthday present and not the other and as a parent I would try to stop this (by asking the giver not to give to the child they do buy for). If people can’t afford presents they should be skipping the Christmas presents of both children (or giving a small selection box or cheap token present) if they have given one sibling a birthday present earlier in the year.
Would any of us as children have understood and been happy if a relative gave our sibling a birthday present and not us?