To say something about dc's present

[Frostysnowlady]

So common theme here but my dc is born a few days before xmas.

We visited family this week doing the pre Xmas visits and present exchange. Some close family have given both my dc a Xmas present but no extra bday present or card, another gave both dc a Xmas present and a seperate birthday card but no seperate bday present.

Appreciate bday is next week but post strikes etc surely you would give both at same time??

I feel upset for my dc I know they are only 1 but it's setting a precedent isn't it.

AIBU unreasonable to say something? How would you word it.

Would you consider “changing” your DC birthday? You can still have a quiet celebration in December but make a big deal out of it in the summer?

So my birthday is a couple of days before Christmas.

Birthday presents wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper, a Christmas card with "and happy birthday" in it, friends not being able to make any kind of celebration because they are either busy or skint!

Sometimes I celebrate in the new year but it's not quite the same. I guess it depends the people in your life, and your DC will just get use to it or decide on an unofficial birthday earlier in the year!

We have a close xmas birthday in our family (boxing day) and have always insisted on two separate presents. Everyone else gets to celebrate their birthdays and Christmas separately! Even if it’s two smaller presents. Until he got older and understood more and was more than happy to combine the two for something more expensive he actually wanted. We’ve always kept them both seperate. It’s only fair

Don’t get used to it. Don’t accept it. My sons birthday is very near Christmas and we manage to mark the occasion just fine. I didn’t take this shit when he was one and I won’t now. It’s not his fault that his birthday is so close to xmas… and anyone that thinks you are being unreasonable doesn’t care about your child’s feelings imo. Very different if they’ve actually told you they can’t afford it with the cost of living etc.

Can’t do much about parties with people being busy but we usually take him somewhere fun and try and make up for that.

I agree with you it’s unfair. I don’t think you can say anything without coming across as cheeky and grabby though. He’s not entitled to more cards and presents. I’d wait and see how it pans out next year and reconsider then.
I have to say that I think all the people (I’m surprised at how many) think that you should just pick a random different date for his birthday. You are celebrating the date of your birth! How on earth can you just decide to change the birthdate? It becomes completely meaningless. Especially when done just to try and get extra presents/money out of people. My DD’s is the 27th dec and it is what it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m a 23/12 birthday, so I get it - but even I’d say let it go for a 1 year old.
Once they’re old enough to know it’s their birthday, is the time to bring it up - and you for some relatives, you won’t need to.

I think you need to hold your horses. It isn't necessarily setting a precedent that they're not buying for both when they're only 1, I definitely gift differently with babies than older kids, I'm not even buying my own baby any Christmas presents.

Broadly speaking, I get that it can be tough having a Christmas birthday but at the same time, people aren't making up the "it's an expensive time of year" excuse. You absolutely haemorrhage money at this time and I don't think you can reasonably berate people for not spending more on your kids. It's a real pressure to even buy Christmas presents for other people's kids. It's just one of those things, it's not malicious that people have more money to spare for your summer birthday child. If you do say something I would make it very clear that it's fine if they spend half as much on the Christmas presents and just split the cost.

What do you mean you "didn't take this shit", did you really confront people about not buying him presents? People don't have to disclose that they're struggling with money, this is private information for a lot of people.

YABU. It's expensive buying for lots of children around Christmas as it is.

I'd say nothing for a one year old.

I have loads of nieces and nephews, I am
talking over 40.

We spend £20 on each at Christmas and the same for their birthday.

There are three that have birthdays between the 22nd and 30th and they each get one better £40 present, rather than two smaller ones that they are less likely to want/need.

Hmmm so quite a few of my relatives, friends and friends' children have "Christmas birthdays" between 18th and 2nd Jan. Some parents move the birthday to another day, so earlier in Dec or later in Jan to make it a "proper" day? But this year I think all parents have asked for a joint birthday+Xmas present for their child, rather than two separate ones. We've spent the same amount of money in fairness, but much less hassle and they get something really great as we have "double the budget"!
We don't do birthday cards for the kids birthdays at this time of year as the house is usually overrun with Xmas cards and decorations and there's no room to display them (parents request).
If you want your child to have a "proper birthday" I'm afraid you'll need to move the date and make it clear to people

This. The child is only 1 and won't have a clue its their birthday. Thats probably what they are thinking.

If it gets ignored next year, then bring it up then.

Do you invite them all to a birthday party the weekend before her actual birthday? I do think that it's more natural fot people to bring a gift to an actual birthday party than some pre-xmas get together (wtf is that anyway?)

How do you know there's not cash/voucher in the birthday cards you WERE given?

Moaning there's no present is a bit grabby. Look at the economy right now!

Oh god. I give birthday presents in Xmas paper even in the summer as I'm normally frantically trying to find some and it's all I have , saving the planet and all that 😇

If you did that to my child I would send the gift back and tell you to try again.

Laziness and disorganisation on your part is not a reason for my child to be negatively affected.

Nephews birthday Is christmas day he's 10 now he has a party very summer to celebrate his birthday his friends from school come and the family we all give him his birthday presents then and on christmas day he just gets a birthday card and his christmas presents he seems happy with this.

@YellowTreeHouse haha and you shouting at people for giving the wrong wrapping paper isnt a negative impact. I'd wrap it in newspaper just to annoy you that litttle bit more.

Negatively affected by having their present wrapped in paper with the wrong print? Have a fucking word 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I would prioritise their birthday OP. Maybe ask people if they can only do one present, to make it their birthday one.
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask them to wrap it in non-Christmas paper.
I hope all those posters on here saying they wouldn’t bother to make the effort have their own child’s birthday ignored. It is upsetting for the parents and, when the child is older, for the birthday child to realise people can’t be bothered about celebrating their birth.

I wouldn’t shout. And if you then went and did that I’d throw it in the bin in front of you.

Yes, because it’s indicative of a wider problem of their Birthday being swallowed up with Christmas.

I wont’t allow it. It’s that simple. You give appropriately or you don’t give at all.

Negatively affected by having their present wrapped in paper with the wrong print? Have a fucking word

It’s not that and you know it.
It’s about not acknowledging that the child has a birthday. It’s about no one bothering to celebrate their birth. Wrapping it in Christmas paper makes it just another Christmas present.

You give appropriately or you don’t give at all

With an attitude like that, I imagine most people would opt for the latter.

There is no circumstance where I would confront somebody about not buying a present for my child. I don't know what's going on in their lives and I would die of shame if I thought somebody was under financial pressure because of a present.