To say something about dc's present

[Frostysnowlady]

So common theme here but my dc is born a few days before xmas.

We visited family this week doing the pre Xmas visits and present exchange. Some close family have given both my dc a Xmas present but no extra bday present or card, another gave both dc a Xmas present and a seperate birthday card but no seperate bday present.

Appreciate bday is next week but post strikes etc surely you would give both at same time??

I feel upset for my dc I know they are only 1 but it's setting a precedent isn't it.

AIBU unreasonable to say something? How would you word it.

@YellowTreeHouse
Do you accept unwrapped gifts at all? Or those in recycled gift bags? Or generic wrapping paper that doesn't specify a birthday?

No one is this ridiculous. Troll alert!!

I’ ve never understood people not marking Christmas birthdays. I would never combine the two. Can’t think why people think those with December birthdays don’t deserve to celebrate their day. My grandma’s birthday was the day after Boxing Day and she always got presents for both wrapped in appropriate paper.

One of my daughters is born a similar date.. As they get older throw a party and you will have presents. We throw a party the weekend before her birthday, organise well in advance and on Sunday afternoon and everyone comes. I'm the opposite maybe of you and our children get too much so would prefer no presents but everyone will bring a birthday present to a party.

My sisters birthday is 28th December. We have never combined her birthday and Christmas, our parents drummed in from day one that they are two separate things and it has never occurred to me to combine them to this day.

I am not sure about enforcing this on other people outside the immediate family though. Maybe it is up to them to decide what and when they buy gifts, I don’t know. We didn’t have extended family so I don’t know how my parents would have pushed their firm views on the two occasions being separate outside their own family (as in each other, me and my siblings).

One of my friends kids has a Xmas bday. She has always celebrated his half birthday.

So she throws a June birthday party every year, calls it their half birthday, but this means they get properly celebrated

Id never heard of this, but in practice it’s quite genius. June is much nicer weather, no one is away for the holidays, kiddo has a great day. The parents don’t give gifts at this party.

At Xmas, they just do a small family celebration in the morning.

You are absolutely NOT BU. My DC are both brown before Christmas (Christmas Eve and the 20th) and I hate it when their presents are lumped together / a gift is forgotten. If their birthday was any other time of year, July for instance, it wouldn’t be forgotten, but because they are Christmas babies they often are. My nieces and nephews, who are born in spring and summer, are never forgotten. I would definitely say something / have your DH mention it as it isn’t fair on your DC. Also, they know it’s your DCs birthday so surely they can plan ahead and get something so it spreads the cost?

• Born not brown!

I had the same issue with my DS, born on the 19th December. A couple of family said something like " oh we just got him one gift for Christmas and birthday" on the first year. So the following year in November I told everyone that in future his birthday would be celebrated on the 19th November, since everyone else has a special day and he should too. I told them very firmly to mark that in their diaries so they wouldn't forget. I also held a party for him in November for his school friends when he got older.

Nobody forgot after that - I wasn't going to allow him to be forgotten and he never was. Don't you let people forget either - it's lazy and rude of them and it shouldn't happen.

I'm a December baby - 6 days before and honestly it always got merged. My parents always made a special effort to distinguish it (and still do despite me being in my 30s!) but to everyone else it was easier to do 'joint' or wrap in Christmas paper etc. Annoying yes, but comes with the territory.

Better they get something than nothing

Are you actually saying that if someone gave your child a lovely and thoughtful present for a June birthday, and it happened to be wrapped in Christmas paper, you would send it back?

That's a bit shit.
I wouldn't say anything. But I wouldn't buy anyone else birthday presents from now on either. And when they bring it up, which I can guarantee they will, I'd say I thought we weren't bothering with birthday presents any more seen as nobody bothered with dc birthday.
He might only be 1, but if it's always been a thing of buying each others kids birthday presents then he shouldn't miss out just because his birthday is near Christmas.
I hope he has a nice birthday and you can make it special for him

Definitely say something, they probably won't send anything next year and you'll have nothing to get worked up about. Stress free life 🙂

One of my DC has their birthday the week before Christmas. It's pretty rough. Yes, I realise that it's an expensive time of year, but none of the other family members born at other times of the year ever miss out, just my DC. Way to make him feel not important. We go a little the other way to make his birthday extra special.

Maybe they’ve spent more on one gift than they have for others, as a joint gift?

As the child won’t know I would wait and make sure that no present is forthcoming and in the new year (leaving enough time for postal problems) say to them that you completely agree with phasing out all the birthday presents from now on. You’ll save yourself loads of time and money.
If they don’t agree you can give them another chance next year as the child still won’t realise, but that’s it.

Yes, if it goes on.

There's really no way to ask for gifts. But you could say, "Look, if you're going to recognise one child's birthday and not the other's, please just don't do anything at all."

Joint gifts, no gift - but if their birthday had been April they would have received something and using Christmas gift wrapping is just lazy. I think YANBU but get used to it, some people are a bit shit.

It's tricky.

I think people are probably just overwhelmed with the busy period and maybe feel a bit tight after buying so much already. That doesn't make it right though; if your child had any other birthday month they'd be getting a separate gift.

Are you having a birthday party?

In future years, I'd either organise a birthday get together to distinguish the event (and it's nice for kids) even if it's at the beginning of Dec.

Or I'd change the month you celebrate it to give your child some time away from Christmas to be the focus.

OP I agree with you. This is incredibly poor form from family. I don't buy any of this about cost of living crisis/being grateful they stretched to one present. You know your family and am sure would be aware of things were as tight as some people are suggesting. You can pick up an additional card for 25p and a small gift for pennies. As you say, it's highly unlikely they wouldn't have acknowledged the birthday in a different month. You don't have to feel grateful that they haven't further cluttered your home because it's not about that. It's about them failing to acknowledge a milestone in your child's life. It's stingy, lazy behaviour. I'd be just inclined to not acknowledge any of their birthdays next year and if it's queried, just say your predefined you weren't doing family birthday gifts, given your child didn't receive any

As the parent of a Christmas baby I always made it plainly clear he was not to receive a joint birthday/Xmas pressie unless he requested it. And birthday presents to be wrapped in birthday paper.

It sucks enough to have your birthday At Christmas without people failing to acknowledge it too.

I wouldn’t my kids are twins - they often got one gift and one card between them - they even shared a name ffs “the twins”. People mean well but don’t always manage to do completely the best thing - as long as you as parents do it right your baby will be fine.

I am trying to wrap my head around buying 40 gifts a year 😱😱😱

If you spoke to me like that I wouldn’t bother with any gift. You just took the joy out of the giving.