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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to call his work?

375 replies

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:22

So the hubby left early this morning for work. He drives around all day attending different work calls.

It is very, very icey and the weather was awful when he left at 5am this morning!

Ive tried calling him but both his work phone and normal phone is unavailable. Ive also got one tick on WhatsApp.

He sometimes works in areas of no signal but this is very rare (think once or twice over the last year).

Would I be unreasonable to contact his work and ask them to trace his works van or is this crazy woman territory? I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning, this is not like him at all. Ive checked all the local traffic reports and there was a crash this morning close to where we live and would fit his route at the right time but it says no injuries.

What would you do? Shall I wait a bit and keep trying to ring him?

OP posts:
caramellattelove · 14/12/2022 15:21

@Badgirlriri I disagree. I think for most people it wouldn't be normal to worry after 5 hours, but if you typically speak hourly (no opinion on whether that's too much because it's completely irrelevant to the actual issue at hand), and 4 years worth of experience tells you this is very very unusual, then worrying is a pretty reasonable reaction.

AtomicRitual · 14/12/2022 15:34

OP is definitely not being unreasonable in being concerned, given the level of usual contact compared to this morning, and I hope everything has turned out OK now.

To answer the original question, I would look at it as two parts:

  1. "What would the employer say if I called?" Do they know your DH spends time on the phone every hour? Is it against company policy to use even a handsfree device when working? i.e. could you get your DH in to trouble at work by contacting them after what was, really, a short period of time in the grand scheme of things.
  2. "Would DH be cross when he finds out I called his work?" Only OP knows the answer to that.

I do, however, agree with other PPs about the level of contact. If one of my team was spending 5/10 minutes of every hour chatting to their other half, then taking a lunchbreak too (which OP hasn't clarified, in fairness), I would get very annoyed. We pay to get a job done, not for staff to chat to their family. 5 minutes of every hour over a 5 day week is almost 3 hours a week of otherwise productive time, so 10 minutes is almost 6 hours!

If OP worked in an office, rather than at home, would it be acceptable to her employer? If not, then the same rules apply at home.

I certainly couldn't speak to my DH that often. I enjoy the peace at work! He's definitely instigates more contact than me, but if I don't answer, he assumes/realises I'm busy and drops me a text if it was something important.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 14/12/2022 15:39

EasterIssland · 14/12/2022 15:11

So does for those that break for a cigarette or a coffee break or a chat with a colleague or a number 2. I take you don’t do any of those during your working hours

Show quote history

The thing is, he will be going to the loo and eating/drinking etc. as well as ringing his wife every hour!

Tollumi · 14/12/2022 15:40

I think I ring DH at work about once every 3 months Grin. I text slightly more often, usually something like, 'Argh! Forgot the milk and remember its Brownies tonight! XX'

I hope everything's okay, OP, but your habit of ringing each other every hour sounds incredibly oppressive to me.

PollyAmour · 14/12/2022 16:01

I hope your husband has contacted you by now and you have calmed down. To have been crying 'all morning' at 10.30 shows someone who is prone to theatrical overreactions.

Try and find some healthier way of occupying your time than phoning your husband hourly while he's working. The poor man must feel suffocated.

WishIhadacrystalball · 14/12/2022 16:02

@mindisdoingovertime have you heard from your DH yet? Hope all is ok

gonkk · 14/12/2022 16:03

CrownTheTurkey · 14/12/2022 11:02

You're worried that he's had an accident, yet your willing to cause an accident by speaking to him on the phone while he's driving!
You need to give yourself a stern talking to and stop being foolish.

Agree with this.

PeekAtYou · 14/12/2022 16:04

I hope that he managed to call you at lunch time or even better is at home now.

Does he know your number without looking it up? I made my kids memorise my number so that they could borrow a phone and call me in an emergency

Kezla · 14/12/2022 16:05

Maybe he's with his other bird and knows you call every hour so switched all methods of communication off

mumda · 14/12/2022 16:05

I hope he's been in touch now.

OatFox · 14/12/2022 16:15

I hope he's been in touch OP

MysteryBelle · 14/12/2022 16:22

Yes I’d call. I’d just say you’re concerned because of the icy roads and you usually hear from him yet you’re unable to contact him and if there’s anything they can do.

It didn’t make sense at first when you said you talk every hour but when you gave context of him driving for hours every day with you wfh it made perfect sense. My dh does this when he’s traveling.

PinkyFlamingo · 14/12/2022 16:51

I would be annoyed if my DH phoned me every hour when I was meant to be working, what job do you do OP?

emptythelitterbox · 14/12/2022 16:51

I reckon you've heard from him by now and it was nothing.

How do you both manage to get any work done chatting all day every day to each other?
You're stealing time from your employers when you're supposed to be working.

If I were your employers, I'd sack you both.

PetalLeaves · 14/12/2022 17:05

Completely harsh and unnecessary responses on here. Hope you’ve heard from him OP.

AngelDelightUK · 14/12/2022 17:09

I hope you’ve heard by now OP

slowquickstep · 14/12/2022 17:19

Hope all is well

uncomfortablydumb53 · 14/12/2022 17:33

Hope DH is either home with you now, or you've heard all is well

GimmeBiscuits · 14/12/2022 17:38

Had this yesterday with DC. They were on their way to school and bus was really delayed. Tried to send them a screenshot showing the clogged up roads so they could show in school (were going to be marked late), and phone wouldn't receive messages. Tried ringing, it went to VM. Ended up calling school and asking them to confirm DC had arrived.
However, DC has just started at senior school, and has a good 15 minutes walk from the bus stop to school premises.
Wasn't sure if they'd lost their phone, or there'd been an accident with the bus and being unable to contact them left few options.

However, in the case of an adult, then I'd be worrying far less. Hopefully your DH has been in contact by now, mindis

lieselotte · 14/12/2022 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ha ha. I assume you've not heard that you need a letter from the Holy Ghost to get to see a GP these days?

backonceagainisee · 14/12/2022 17:41

PollyAmour · 14/12/2022 16:01

I hope your husband has contacted you by now and you have calmed down. To have been crying 'all morning' at 10.30 shows someone who is prone to theatrical overreactions.

Try and find some healthier way of occupying your time than phoning your husband hourly while he's working. The poor man must feel suffocated.

They phone each other. It's not a one way thing. Who are you to say how he feels?

NoAlexa · 14/12/2022 17:50

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:33

We ring each other at least every hour through the work day and have done for years. Both phones are not contactable. This is the first time this has happened in the 4 years he has worked there.

every HOUR???

christ, thats just weird!!

NoAlexa · 14/12/2022 17:52

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:44

My concern would be that the Police would take them and switch them off if he had been involved in an accident.

why would they?

Bluetrews25 · 14/12/2022 18:03

Perhaps he:
had to have a newbie with him all day and didn't want to be seen to be chatting to wife
is out of reception
is busy doing work related stuff
fancied a day off after 4 years

Is OP going to be in one of those couples who 'have never spent a night apart' in 30 years? (I've met some of these couples and it's really not pretty to be so heavily reliant that you cannot cope even for a handful of hours when one becomes unwell and needs to be in hospital)

Coffeepot72 · 14/12/2022 18:11

Hoping the OP updates us