Would I be unreasonable to call his work?

[mindisdoingovertime]

So the hubby left early this morning for work. He drives around all day attending different work calls.

It is very, very icey and the weather was awful when he left at 5am this morning!

Ive tried calling him but both his work phone and normal phone is unavailable. Ive also got one tick on WhatsApp.

He sometimes works in areas of no signal but this is very rare (think once or twice over the last year).

Would I be unreasonable to contact his work and ask them to trace his works van or is this crazy woman territory? I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning, this is not like him at all. Ive checked all the local traffic reports and there was a crash this morning close to where we live and would fit his route at the right time but it says no injuries.

What would you do? Shall I wait a bit and keep trying to ring him?

That’s not helpful.

Not one bit.

Did you here from him OP?

I'm sure he's fine.

You say you're not anxious yet you're crying at a missed call suggests that maybe you are.

That you call each other "at least" every hour is going to make you even more anxious as there are many reasons why a driver can't call/answer.

What do you talk about? A run down of the last two hours?

If it's any consolation, the police do not switch off phones. They access the emergency contact number and call you, as I found out last week in a similar situation (well, I was oblivious that anything had happened).

OP what a pile-on of unhelpful comments here.

I don't think any of us have enough info from what you said to declare you co-dependent/anxious/in breach of employment regulations or any of the other things that have been said here. My DH doesn't like talking on the phone so I have no experience of keeping each other company like this, but if done safely why not?

The best info you got here I think is that police don't switch off phones. Which is something. As for calling his work, I guess it depends on the work and how responsive/judgy they may be.

I hope it's nothing and that you know this by now x

I don't think any of us have enough info from what you said to declare you co-dependent/anxious/

I think the fact that she's been crying all morning is fairly significant information, to be honest.

And I'm not about to apologise for saying that they should not be calling each other hourly when he's driving. Because even making a hands free call makes an accident four times more likely, and in the realms of drink driving, as the study I linked to made clear.

Well anything really, he asks how the kids are, has a grumble about what he's got to do at work, general chit chat about what we will have for tea etc etc. They are only 10 minute phone calls but consistently every day.

Ignore the armchair psychologists.

Give it another hour or so, then - as long as you're sure it won't cause him problems - call his work and ask if they've heard from him, as you were expecting a call over lunchtime and it's unusual for him not to call when he said he would, so you're worried.

Keep it relaxed, and it shouldn't be a problem.

Sorry forgot to reply to the post I was answering!

OP, I hope you have heard from him now and he is okay.

The most plausible answer is that he was/is stuck in traffic and unable to get signal.

If you are worried at the chance of an accident then check local news, twitter and Google maps - as they all report of accidents and road disruptions.

I do hope, when you have your hourly phone calls that he is pulled over in a safe space, his engine is switched off and the keys are not in the ignition. As I was involved in an accident where someone who was on their phone crashed into the back of me.

I have very little sympathy for people who choose to be on the phone, even if it’s hands free, whilst driving.

I just can't understand the rationale of calling someone who you know is likely to be driving every hour.

Even if he's hands free & whatever it's still a distraction.

Perhaps he is enjoying one pure day of radio silence. Anyway I hope that he is alright. Try not to worry.

I sincerely hope everything is fine and that this is confirmed to you soon. Perhaps this is a good prompt to do something about the anxiety and dependency. I can't think how you both have time and concentration to do your jobs when you are speaking hourly during the working day.

When DH is on late shifts I could go a week without speaking to him. We have both been cycling to work and back and it hasn't been above zero here for a day or two. He's a police officer. The first morning when it was minus 6 for his commute I was concerned he would be too cold, that's been the extent of the worry and I thought my anxiety was quite bad.

I think the OP has had various bits of useful information on here. It is unusual to contact anyone hourly, every day. This isn't about an expression of love or not. Just from a practical standpoint, when you're being paid to work, that work presumably takes a certain level of concentration. I've done lots of different jobs and in none of them would this have been remotely acceptable behaviour. So it's useful to know that phoning work and saying he hasn't called for an hour will probably not be viewed well. Fair enough phone and say you were expecting to hear from him in his lunch break.

It's also perhaps given food for thought as to whether that frequency of contact is a potential cause of anxiety, precisely because it won't always be possible for reasons beyond his or the OP's control. In the vast majority of cases this will be something very mundane like a poor signal.

And it is worth pointing out that using a phone whilst driving is dangerous. Otherwise it will be someone's loved one not coming home, through no fault of their own.

I hope the OP's fears have come to nothing and her DH is fine. I get anxious. I sometimes have a gut feeling something is horribly wrong. Usually it's just a bad queue getting out of Sainsbury's car park.

Guess he’s probably been in touch by now. Get a find my iPhone or an AirTag if it will help you feel better next time x

Red Chestnut - Bach flower essence would be the one to use for this big fear about others.

Sorry youre so wirried OP. This is an extremely unusual level of contact though. I think you would be very unreasonable to call his work because you haven't heard from your husband in a couple of hours. I'd be mortified if my DP did this.

The hospital would also call you as next of kin if you are married

Hope everything works out okay and you hear from him soon.

Any update OP?

How do you ever actually get any work done??

I often can't reach my husband at work If he's in the labs. No signal. But I don't even know the number for his work.

And we have shared location on Google maps- handy for getting dinner on etc.

I think you need to work on your anxiety- calling each other hourly whilst working is not normal. I would say today it's reasonable to be concerned but do not tell his colleagues you talk that frequently normally, they will think it's crazy!

What? Surely you're joking?

If something bad bad happened someone would have been in touch as next of kin. I don't think you can legitimately call his work unless he doesn't show up tonight.

He shouldn't be on his phone to you whilst driving though, it's very dangerous even if hands free!!

Hope he is in touch soon AND stops this dangerous and selfish behaviour

Every hour?! Wow that’s a lot!!