Religious friend says my mums in hell!

[Rosiesmydog]

Excuse the rather hysterical subject title! She didn’t actually say she is, only that she may be…
context: my mum died last month. She was 99 and very frail. She had Covid. That’s on the DC but afaic she died of extreme old age.
I met with a very good friend of mine last night. GF is very religious…I’m absolutely not. I don’t believe in the hereafter or god or any other deity. GF knows this but tolerates my ungodliness. GF offered condolences and let me rabbit on about my mum. All well and good…
I spoke about the funeral, how we had a celebrant but had a hymn as my mum did have a little bit of faith and did a lot with the church when I was a kid. However, my mum was often hard work and I jokingly made a throwaway remark about how I used to tell her she’d never go to heaven and she’d end up in hell (all in jest).

last night I got a msg from her, basically saying that if mum hadnt accepted Jesus as lord and saviour then she will be in hell and that I should accept him or I’ll end up there…
really don’t know how to respond to this! Feeling quite upset that GF has judged my mum by her standards and chooses to lecture me about my ungodliness. Seems very unchristian really given the circs.
just looking for some words of wisdom from you folks I guess. I don’t want to break a friendship, she’s always known how I feel about religion but I think she’s crossed a line here and I feel quite conflicted. Im tempted to just ignore and sweep it under the carpet, but it’s blighted what was a good friendship and at a difficult time for me, given my recent loss 😔. I now realise that joking about heaven and hell to a committed Christian is a big no no!

OP you have my sympathy both for your loss and for having such an insensitive and thoughtless friend….

I have a thread on here about the aggressive JW who took it upon herself to message me via social media in order to tell me my DP brought his sudden death from cancer on himself by being Gothic / alternative….. Think the first words I typed back were “I piss on your God” ….. yeah, not my finest hour but as she went on to tell me I should hold my loved ones close as their days were numbered, and I’d end up alone, homeless, sick and destitute as I was obviously demonically possessed, je ne regrette rien….. 😈

Peoples religious beliefs should be their own affair …. And harm ye none is all.

And this was a 25 year old, not an elderly person or “unwell” or any of the myriad reasons for delusional thinking or behaviour - which, at a stretch, I could understand.

It's just fucking rude.

"Deeply religious", fundamental, fully paid up member of the God squad here. I want you to know that I believe God loves and your mum. None of us knows what happens when we die. I believe that God is a lot more loving and forgiving than most of His followers so please do not dwell on what has been said to you.

OP, I do have a Christian faith and I think your friend said an awful thing. Even if she believes it to be true (tortured in hell) it was very cruel to state it like that.

There are many different churches who call themselves Christians and my own belief/education from childhood is that there is no hell. It arose from a place outside Jerusalem where gases were emitted from the earth and were on fire, and also from rubbish fires outside Rome. Hell (Sheol in Hebrew) just means the grave.

Lots of good comments on this thread. I go to a CofE church now but certainly don't believe everything I hear there - they are lovely people but, er, wrong in some things. Your friend has got used to spouting rubbish among people who agree with her, and here she not only misjudged her audience but was totally inconsiderate of you having just lost your mum. Best wishes to you xx

Oh gosh op, I'm so sorry. Both for the loss of your mum and the comment.

I've only read your posts but in your shoes I think I'd send a reply along the lines of: "I know how central your beliefs are to your life, but that's totally inappropriate and I'm shocked/hurt/offended/very upset that you would say that to me. I'm grieving for my mum and, regardless of your beliefs, you think its OK to send me a text judging her and telling me she might be condemned to eternal suffering. While I'm not religious, I find your judgement and lack of compassion at this time deeply upsetting."

Tell her

'I accept your beliefs but it's extremely nasty to say that immediately after a death. It's not very Christian of you to try and hurt someone who is mourning. Perhaps reflect on your charity - or lack of - and be less judgemental.

But at the end of the day that's what she believes and Christians do love to spout it at non believers. Hence why I'm not particularly friendly with many of them. After all, I'm going to hell so why would they want to be my friend

IDontWantToBeAPie and some christians think you deserve to go to hell.
What heinous act deserves to be punished for all eternity?

Because you don't accept there is a god?

So much gaslighting within religion.
Imagine god was a regular man who told his wife that if she didn't love him he would lock her in the garage and set it on fire.

Pretty much what religion is saying- love.... or else.

In that case you can say “Thank you for trying to save my soul but if my Mum is in hell then that's where I want to go also.”

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints (etc)…

Wild generalisation.

I am a total atheist, but my good friends include observant Christians, Muslims, Jews and Hindus and none 'spout' at all.

And they don't decline to be friends with me because I am an atheist, either.

They might sometimes offer their religion's position on an issue under discussion, but that is informative and interesting - they never 'spout' or try and influence me, and none would say what the OP's friend said.

This thread alone is evidence that the Christians on MN do not 'love to spout at non believers'

I’m a sarcastic twat, so I’d probably respond with something like “well at least it’s warm down there” and leave it at that.
She’s not a friend. She’s an arsehole.

There is no hell. We go to Heaven & have the opportunity to view our life when we get there. Some of us might have to work harder than others when we observe how we've lived our lives.. murderers, Hitler, Putin - brainwashed folk who frighten & distress others..etc - down here is a learning process. Heaven is home.

@DreamingOfAGreenChristmas that's why I said I'm not friends with 'many' Christians.

I'm friends with two who don't spout. But every other person I've become friendly with from the religion eventually starts getting preachy and it's annoying.

None of my Muslim, Hindu or Sikh friends do the same....

@DreamingOfAGreenChristmas and that's simply my experience of them. That's what has happened to me. If you don't believe that then great. But it's not a generalisation if it's my lived experience

Disgraceful behaviour and I’ve got a faith I’d never say this to any one.

How unbelievably crass, cruel and rude.

Tell her "You're a disgrace to your faith and I'm taking a break from your malign bitching."

Great post 👍

Your 'friend' is a born again eejit who has lost the run of herself.

Dump her.

Make new friends. There are plenty of Christians and non Christians alike who would never say something as gratuitously offensive and theologically ridiculous as that to anyone.

It IS a great post.

It's one of those posts that makes me wish we had a "like" button.

I would have to say something back. Ah the very least, ‘whatever your intentions, I find it quite hurtful that you thought this was a good time to send me that message’.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Because you're vulnerable when you're bereaved and it's a horrible thought?

I'm not Christian, I have my own beliefs that definitely do not include hell, but being told during a funeral service that those of us who were not Christian would never see our dead friend again because we'd be in hell was upsetting at that moment.

I particular despise those who swoop in on vulnerable/grieving people to preach and convert them.

I know my mother's ( very zealous) church checks death notices and sends god botherers round to the grieving family.

I don't get all the people who think the friend is being mean. Based on her beliefs, she is trying to save OP from a terrible fate.

It's a bit of a failure of understanding or imagination not to realise that to some people hell is as real as anything described by physics.

I could never be friends with someone who worships a God who they believe condemns people to the "eternal torture" variety of hell. To love, worship, and long for connection with something so unutterably evil is inconceivable to me.

If we take some quintessential "evil person", say Hitler, and count up all the suffering they've had a part in — in Hitler's case, all the people who suffered and died in the persecutions and exterminations or in warfare, all the grieving relatives, all the sufferers of generational trauma, gather it all together — and then in retribution inflict every iota of that suffering ten times over on Hitler, for each single one of the tens of millions of people who were affected… once that's over, an infinitesimal portion of eternity has passed.