To think he discarded me because I wouldn't allow him to move in

[bennyfromthebloc]

...but used a big argument where he gaslit, stonewalled, ignored and currently weeks later, is still giving me the silent treatment as a reason to end things... For context, he has form for this type of comms everytime we had an argument.I'm sick of it now and of him.In his eyes, he is never wrong, doesn't deal with issues, won't apologise so two years in, I'm done with his shit. I had enough stress in my previous marriage and in my day to day life now/ than to be dealing with his nonsense.. Argument was something of nothing but the cycles were becoming more frequent. I am interested in your thoughts though. I have my own home, great job,pension, holidays and some fantastic friends and relationships with family and colleagues. I also have three kids who to his mind are disrespectful,lazy and selfish.Each of them has additional needs but he doesn't see these difficulties as anything but behaviours that take my attention away from him. They could and should be doing more to help me so I am guilty of not being strict enough in some ways.He is an old fashioned parent who believes that children should be seen and not heard.I've really only realised this lately. Having said that, I've kept my relationship largely separate from my kids so we used to see eachother EOW. This man is early fifties, has three kids but only a civil relationship with them, has no home , presently not working due to long term ill health and has no pension or savings. He often asked to stay longer at mine but it rarely suited as my kids were coming back from their Dad's.This irritated him.He used to arrive early , even if I told him I wouldnt be there.He would buy the take away at the weekend or perhaps pay for lunch on one of the days.This was the total of his generosity.We always stayed at mine.He never booked a weekend away or night away for us anywhere. He would love nothing more than to move in with a woman who has her own house, job, money etc etc.My kids annoy him and as I said, there was no way he would have been moving in until they left home as adults.He is currently living with his aging parents. I'm wondering if he has dumped me be and met someone else to move onto, as I could not offer him which he was looking for , and used his big moody strop as an excuse or is that very cycnical of me. Thanks

Weak men always blame someone else OP, and using unpleasant language is part of it. If you come over in real life as you've come over on this thread, those around him will know him for what he is, what you're really like and ignore the slurs.

Congratulations on getting your life back. Don't give him any more power over your emotions. And don't jump into another shit relationship, take some time to reflect and rebuild.

Dear oh dear what a catch you've let slip through your grasp!
🙄😂

Don;t let this worry you.

He's no longer in your life, so you won;t hear him bitching about you directly.
And if anyone's daft enough to believe him, & mentions it to you, your best response is disdainful laughter. If you can't summon that - scorn.
"Yeah, funny how ALL his exes are crazy bitches, innit? He talks about all of us in exactly the same way. Hadn't you noticed?"

I know a guy like this. Just gets with women for a place to live but offers nothing himself.

I call him the hobosexual

Who cares what he says about you.
You tell the truth. He resents your kids but is pressuring to move in. Obviously it's a no goer. Finito.

I suppose that I care what he says.He rarely has anything good to say about anyone but is particularly nasty and lies when it comes to the previous breakdown of his relationships.I think that because he is unwell and is in a precarious position, I do feel guilt despite being absolutely relieved that he will no longer be part of my life.

I'm so glad you're choosing to get your life back OP. Don't look back. Build up your self-esteem and RAISE THE BAR CONSIDERABLY when choosing your next partner

Im so excited to spend Chrsitmas with my kids in my home with no lazy entitled man child looking for attention and having tantrums when his needs are not put first. Im looking forward to 2023 and intend to embrace self care and work on my self esteem and self worth issues.Ifeel utterly exhausted after the year.When we met he was healthy, had a home and a job and we were happy but he was always lazy, entitled and bossy.He just ramped up his behaviour since he became unwell and became unbearable.A nurse with a purse is such a good phrase.... I myself am now in bad health because I put his before min.Silly woman.

I think that because he is unwell and is in a precarious position, I do feel guilt despite being absolutely relieved that he will no longer be part of my life.

Stop with the guilt. Don't think about it any more.
You are not his nurse, nor his psychiatrist (if he's mentally unwell).
I had this "saviour complex" for many years - feeling sorry for men who were having problems and wanting to "help" them. It's quite dangerous because you get people latching on who just end up using you because you are a good and kind person and want to support someone who is unwell.
After two LTRs where I ended up "caring" for men who were basically just taking the piss, I had to take a good, long hard look at myself and what I was doing.

Sounds like this bloke was awful before he became ill and it has just exacerbated the situation.
He's a hobosexual anyway and he'll soon find someone else to latch on to, so you shouldn't feel guilty about him.

What is his health condition? Is it physical or mental?

Gosh, he sounds horrible. Don't let him manipulate his way back in.

His health condition is physical but is definitely impacting his mental health but he refuses to do anything about it.

"has three kids but only a civil relationship with them, has no home , presently not working due to long term ill health and has no pension or savings."

What a catch! So he's cluster b with a lot of projected resentment.

What does cluster B mean

NPD or BPD, which is why he's on-off and using the silent treatment routinely.

And yet you are the one feeling guilty...?

Well you can stop feeling guilty right now. Because the MN posse says so, OK? You've got rid of him out of your life. End of. And good riddance.

"He would love nothing more than to move in with a woman who has her own house, job, money etc etc."

There are plenty of those men about. When the dust has cleared, keep in mind the danger of jumping into the fire now that you've done so well to get out of the frying pan!

Get angry Benny. It cancels guilt, & is an effective motivator if you channel it intelligently.

Also - PP on your thread haven't met this lowlife, But we can all see he's a loser. So people in real life will see it too.
Nobody whose standard MO is slagging off everybody else is genuinely liked or believed. Tolerated, maybe. But it'll be in one ear & out the other "oh shit, Tosspot is whinging on about how all the women in his life are crazy again - oh gawd, here comes another whingefest about a mutual acquaintance" etc.

You are well rid of this leech! Embrace your life with your children, family and friends and don’t look back.

I’m proud of you 💐

Well done op!! I'm excited for your Xmas and 2023 too. Such a nice change to have someone break free of a toxic relationship.
And well said @KettrickenSmiled so true!

Congratulatios, that's great news! So glad you've seen the light - you'll have a very happy Christmas!

Cock lodger narcissist that’s all you need to know.

No-one is owed a relationship. No-one. What if one of your kids ended up with someone like that and said “can’t dump him he’s ill” you would be horrified.