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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he discarded me because I wouldn't allow him to move in

149 replies

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:29

...but used a big argument where he gaslit, stonewalled, ignored and currently weeks later, is still giving me the silent treatment as a reason to end things... For context, he has form for this type of comms everytime we had an argument.I'm sick of it now and of him.In his eyes, he is never wrong, doesn't deal with issues, won't apologise so two years in, I'm done with his shit. I had enough stress in my previous marriage and in my day to day life now/ than to be dealing with his nonsense.. Argument was something of nothing but the cycles were becoming more frequent. I am interested in your thoughts though. I have my own home, great job,pension, holidays and some fantastic friends and relationships with family and colleagues. I also have three kids who to his mind are disrespectful,lazy and selfish.Each of them has additional needs but he doesn't see these difficulties as anything but behaviours that take my attention away from him. They could and should be doing more to help me so I am guilty of not being strict enough in some ways.He is an old fashioned parent who believes that children should be seen and not heard.I've really only realised this lately. Having said that, I've kept my relationship largely separate from my kids so we used to see eachother EOW. This man is early fifties, has three kids but only a civil relationship with them, has no home , presently not working due to long term ill health and has no pension or savings. He often asked to stay longer at mine but it rarely suited as my kids were coming back from their Dad's.This irritated him.He used to arrive early , even if I told him I wouldnt be there.He would buy the take away at the weekend or perhaps pay for lunch on one of the days.This was the total of his generosity.We always stayed at mine.He never booked a weekend away or night away for us anywhere. He would love nothing more than to move in with a woman who has her own house, job, money etc etc.My kids annoy him and as I said, there was no way he would have been moving in until they left home as adults.He is currently living with his aging parents. I'm wondering if he has dumped me be and met someone else to move onto, as I could not offer him which he was looking for , and used his big moody strop as an excuse or is that very cycnical of me. Thanks

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 12/12/2022 14:46

It doesn't sound as though he has any redeeming features!

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 12/12/2022 14:46

Apologies. Dog needed to be let out, things moved on while I was still posting.

Have a lovely Christmas OP.

TheShellBeach · 12/12/2022 14:46

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:34

Guilt would not allow me to finish it.He is long term unwell.

Well, that's too bad, but as this man doesn't like your children and seems to rewrite history when it suits him, has no savings and nowhere to live...........I would try not to feel too guilty about him.

Whitecitygirl · 12/12/2022 14:46

Good for you. You’ve noticed that’s there’s an issue before he moved in.

You know what you need to do now… dump and give him no more headspace.

I was going to ask if you love him. But honestly I’m not even sure you like him

Weepachu · 12/12/2022 14:46

Be grateful you’ve dodged a hobosexual.

TheShellBeach · 12/12/2022 14:47

What is a ZGF5?

1000yellowdaisies · 12/12/2022 14:47

He sounds utterly dreadful. So so glad you had the good sense not to let him move in.
I know it can be scary to start over but please cut all ties with this horrible man. You deserve better.

1000yellowdaisies · 12/12/2022 14:49

Weepachu · 12/12/2022 14:46

Be grateful you’ve dodged a hobosexual.

That's the first time i have seen that phrase and it is hilarious. (Sorry op, but it is an excellent description)

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 12/12/2022 14:52

Weepachu · 12/12/2022 14:46

Be grateful you’ve dodged a hobosexual.

🤣

I got rid of one of these some years ago. The relief!

Have a lovely Christmas OP

vivainsomnia · 12/12/2022 14:57

He has dumped you because you were not compatible which you agree so don't see why you are angry.

He wanted a committed relationship, you didn't. Personally, if after 2 years together, at 50 years old, my partner just saw me as a casual boyfriend to fill the gap every other week, I would also think it's time to end it.

From your perspective, you think he was asking too much, wanted to be a cocklodger who had no respect for your kids.

You are doing eachother a favour finishing it now.

,

Sprouttreesareamazing · 12/12/2022 15:00

Liberating when you dump a cunt ime.

RubiesandRose · 12/12/2022 15:02

He will be back!! Please don't entertain him whatever wheedling he does. Pretty certain there is nothing wrong with you or your kids but plenty with him and he's looking for a meal ticket!

Unikeko · 12/12/2022 15:02

Lucky escape!

CheesyColeslaw · 12/12/2022 15:04

Sounds like you should have got rid of him two years ago. Block him and move on.

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 12/12/2022 15:06

Thank fuck you are sensible enough to have not let him move in. Take the opportunity while he's giving you the silent treatment to block and delete him.

AllMyExesWearRolexes · 12/12/2022 15:07

Bin that leech off. He's unpleasant, disrespectful & entitled. Get shot of him.

Shanksponyorbust · 12/12/2022 15:10

This one is either going to move in with another woman very quickly or try to persuade you to change your mind about moving in to your house. Definitely dodged a cocklodger. Good on you for having boundaries especially as he doesn’t like your children.

PearlclutchersInc · 12/12/2022 15:11

Whatever you do, please, please don't take him back.

I reckon, at some point in the not too distant future he'll come back. Probably before Christmas too.

Johnnyripples · 12/12/2022 15:14

Do you think he'd be interested in you if you were unwell and had no money? Jettison him.

Acheyknees · 12/12/2022 15:14

I can see why he is attracted to you OP. But I can't see anything in what you say that would attract any woman to him. You have the perfect excuse to move on. Bullet dodged.

Picklewicklepickle · 12/12/2022 15:16

There is literally nothing in your OP about what he adds to your life.

This should tell you everything you need to know, enjoy Christmas with your children without this parasite.

catandcoffee · 12/12/2022 15:17

OP what pleasure do you actually get from this relationship ?

Think about it, what does he offer you...maybe the best sex you've ever had ?

As you've not listed any redeeming qualities he has.

Of course he wants to move in with you.

Maybe you need to work on your personal boundaries and stop feeling sorry for this fully grown man.

Bobbins36 · 12/12/2022 15:19

Dodge that cocklodger-in-waiting

CrispyEgg · 12/12/2022 15:23

He’d be gone the minute I found out he doesn’t like my children.

Even taking that aside, he’s a cock lodger. You’re better off without him.

Georgeskitchen · 12/12/2022 15:27

What exactly does this horrible manbaby bring to your life?
Nothing but but grief by the sound of it.
Message him telling him not to bother coming near you again, block him and if he has any possessions at yours, put them on the doorstep

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