Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he discarded me because I wouldn't allow him to move in

149 replies

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:29

...but used a big argument where he gaslit, stonewalled, ignored and currently weeks later, is still giving me the silent treatment as a reason to end things... For context, he has form for this type of comms everytime we had an argument.I'm sick of it now and of him.In his eyes, he is never wrong, doesn't deal with issues, won't apologise so two years in, I'm done with his shit. I had enough stress in my previous marriage and in my day to day life now/ than to be dealing with his nonsense.. Argument was something of nothing but the cycles were becoming more frequent. I am interested in your thoughts though. I have my own home, great job,pension, holidays and some fantastic friends and relationships with family and colleagues. I also have three kids who to his mind are disrespectful,lazy and selfish.Each of them has additional needs but he doesn't see these difficulties as anything but behaviours that take my attention away from him. They could and should be doing more to help me so I am guilty of not being strict enough in some ways.He is an old fashioned parent who believes that children should be seen and not heard.I've really only realised this lately. Having said that, I've kept my relationship largely separate from my kids so we used to see eachother EOW. This man is early fifties, has three kids but only a civil relationship with them, has no home , presently not working due to long term ill health and has no pension or savings. He often asked to stay longer at mine but it rarely suited as my kids were coming back from their Dad's.This irritated him.He used to arrive early , even if I told him I wouldnt be there.He would buy the take away at the weekend or perhaps pay for lunch on one of the days.This was the total of his generosity.We always stayed at mine.He never booked a weekend away or night away for us anywhere. He would love nothing more than to move in with a woman who has her own house, job, money etc etc.My kids annoy him and as I said, there was no way he would have been moving in until they left home as adults.He is currently living with his aging parents. I'm wondering if he has dumped me be and met someone else to move onto, as I could not offer him which he was looking for , and used his big moody strop as an excuse or is that very cycnical of me. Thanks

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 12/12/2022 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jengnr · 12/12/2022 14:31

Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet tbh

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:31

I apologise.I did but it must have reformatted when I pressed 'enter'.

OP posts:
SkinnyFatte · 12/12/2022 14:32

Why are you giving him headspace? Sod that nonsense. You're better off without him.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 12/12/2022 14:32

You're almost certainly right. Watch out for him trying to reel you back in once his new meal ticket gets fed up with him though.

LlynTegid · 12/12/2022 14:32

Why did you not end the relationship ages ago? Do it now.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 12/12/2022 14:32

Your children annoy him?
He sounds like a charmer

Not a keeper.

Reugny · 12/12/2022 14:33

Dump and move on.

He's a leech.

Can't work. No pension. No savings. Has a poor relationship with his own children.

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:34

Guilt would not allow me to finish it.He is long term unwell.

OP posts:
Batiqueattic · 12/12/2022 14:35

It doesn't matter what his "official" reason is for ending things. He sounds like a user, is mean with money & is nasty about your children. You don't want to be in a relationship with him anyway. Be glad it's over & you have your lovely life back.

Lindy2 · 12/12/2022 14:36

Don't regard it as being dumped. Regard it as a long overdue escape. You really should have ended it quite a long time ago.

Hopefully you will feel nothing but relief now. If you don't, read your own post and try to find his redeeming features (other than he buys takeaway twice a month).

Reugny · 12/12/2022 14:37

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:34

Guilt would not allow me to finish it.He is long term unwell.

Doesn't mean he should have a shit relationship with his own children.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 12/12/2022 14:38

OP His health has nothing whatsoever to do with his horrible attitude to your children who deserve better

Ofcourseshecan · 12/12/2022 14:38

I’ve had one of these, Benny. The relief when you’re not carrying him anymore, it’s like being able to breathe freely again. Have a great Christmas!

MintJulia · 12/12/2022 14:39

It sounds likely, but why would you want to be with him anyway? Your dcs have additional needs, they are not going to disappear off to uni at 18 and never come back, and you admit that he is intolerant of them.

He isn't generous despite living with his parents and I imagine having low costs. He treats you with a lack of respect now. Surely you are pleased to see the back of him. He doesn't appear to bring anything to your relationship and he is quite obviously looking free lodgings. Nothing so clingy as a man with nowhere to live!

Bananalanacake · 12/12/2022 14:40

Hang on, your children annoyed him yet he wanted to move in with you, course he did, he had nowhere to live. Well done getting rid of the cocklodger.

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:40

You are right.It really doesnt matter why he pulled this massive strop and has gone for weeks with his silent treatment but sometimes, when you're in a fog, I find it helpful to get objective opinions from people who dont know me so I will make sure never to get lumped in that situation again.

OP posts:
DPotter · 12/12/2022 14:40

Low level cocklodger until now, wanting to upgrade himself to full cocklodger by moving in full time. He's after your money pure and simple.

Don't be guilted into having him back. Draw a line and move on with your children, family and friends

MintJulia · 12/12/2022 14:41

Have a lovely relaxed Christmas OP 😊

MulledWineAndMingePies · 12/12/2022 14:43

His long term ill health is not your responsibility.

Its not his ex wife's responsibility, his children's responsibility, your children's responsibility nor his poor parent's responsibility.

It is his responsibility. I know many people with long term health conditions, unable to work who do absolutely non of the cuntish things he does.

He is not a catch. In any way shape or form.

maddening · 12/12/2022 14:43

Ne grateful you did not spend any more time than you already have on that loser

GreenManalishi · 12/12/2022 14:44

I'm sick of it now

Sounds about time.

He has no home, no job, no income, no pensions, he is sulky and manipulative and ignores your boundaries, and is dislikes your children. You haven't ended it this far because you feel guilt that he is not in good health. This is not a basis for a good relationship, no matter how optimistic you are.

Tell him that he is no longer welcome to use the facilities at your house, the nursing home is down the road. Prioritise yourself, and your children.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 12/12/2022 14:45

bennyfromthebloc · 12/12/2022 14:34

Guilt would not allow me to finish it.He is long term unwell.

Did you make him unwell?

Think that through. Why is his being ill anything to do with your ability to run your own life as you want to?

Tell yourself your Christmas present to yourself is a free and single life. Then forget about him. Block, delete, forget.

Irridescantshimmmer · 12/12/2022 14:45

You have done the right thing already, you put your kids first and kept the relationship seperatr.

He's just looking to take advantage.

GreenManalishi · 12/12/2022 14:45

Take advantage of this silent treatment, and join in and make it permanent.

Swipe left for the next trending thread