To think he discarded me because I wouldn't allow him to move in

[bennyfromthebloc]

...but used a big argument where he gaslit, stonewalled, ignored and currently weeks later, is still giving me the silent treatment as a reason to end things... For context, he has form for this type of comms everytime we had an argument.I'm sick of it now and of him.In his eyes, he is never wrong, doesn't deal with issues, won't apologise so two years in, I'm done with his shit. I had enough stress in my previous marriage and in my day to day life now/ than to be dealing with his nonsense.. Argument was something of nothing but the cycles were becoming more frequent. I am interested in your thoughts though. I have my own home, great job,pension, holidays and some fantastic friends and relationships with family and colleagues. I also have three kids who to his mind are disrespectful,lazy and selfish.Each of them has additional needs but he doesn't see these difficulties as anything but behaviours that take my attention away from him. They could and should be doing more to help me so I am guilty of not being strict enough in some ways.He is an old fashioned parent who believes that children should be seen and not heard.I've really only realised this lately. Having said that, I've kept my relationship largely separate from my kids so we used to see eachother EOW. This man is early fifties, has three kids but only a civil relationship with them, has no home , presently not working due to long term ill health and has no pension or savings. He often asked to stay longer at mine but it rarely suited as my kids were coming back from their Dad's.This irritated him.He used to arrive early , even if I told him I wouldnt be there.He would buy the take away at the weekend or perhaps pay for lunch on one of the days.This was the total of his generosity.We always stayed at mine.He never booked a weekend away or night away for us anywhere. He would love nothing more than to move in with a woman who has her own house, job, money etc etc.My kids annoy him and as I said, there was no way he would have been moving in until they left home as adults.He is currently living with his aging parents. I'm wondering if he has dumped me be and met someone else to move onto, as I could not offer him which he was looking for , and used his big moody strop as an excuse or is that very cycnical of me. Thanks

Yep more than likely. What a relief it must be to have this man child who brings nothing to yours and your childrens lives.
I feel so sorry for the poor woman who he mooches off.

Skint and in poor health?

Two words come to mind. Both rhyme with hearse...

He sounds f*ing awful. I don't know if YABU or not, but you're well shot of him either way.

Just wondering who the 6% who thought you were unreasonable were! Gosh you are well rid .He sounds like a loser .Just move on

Thank goodness you had the sense to not let him move in.

Lucky escape for you and your children.

I mean if he had tried harder, been nice to the kids, made more effort with you, he might have been successful. Have a good festive season OP

To use another Mumsnet term, he is looking for a nurse with a purse. ( Love "hobosexual " too ) . I wish you aand your family a very merry Christmas, without this leech.

Looking at it from his side:
If he is so unwell that he can't work he probably doesn't have lots of cash to spend. Buying the occasional takeaway may be the only thing that he can afford.
I can also see how 3 children with additional needs may be just too difficult for him to manage and your focus on them may be resulting in not enough time for him/the relationship.
BUT if he's going to be with you, it's something he needs to accept as part of the parcel. You are a parent and the kids are a priority. If he can't handle them, he has no business asking to move in and then getting sulky.

His health is his own responsibility. Him making you feel 'guilty' about it tells you all you need to know.

Can't believe you put up with two years of this crappy man child. Tell him to jog on and have a nice, relaxed Christmas with your DC.

What joy does he bring you OP? Is it just that you're scared of 'being alone"?
He won't give you up as he's found a little goldmine - he's banking on you weakening and inviting him back - presumably based in your past actions?

Time to change the locks, block his number and get on with your life without this deadweight sucking the joy out of your family. There should never be a place for a man like that in your children's lives.

Run for the hills and don’t look back.
This man is the poster boy for cocklodgers

Oh dear !
I think the term is " nurse with a purse"
Get rid, he's a user.

You are not his mother, he is not your responsibility, your kids and you are, who cares why he left, he's saved you the hassle of telling him to do one.

Well done for getting rid of him. You sound like a fantastic mum too 💐

Agree 100% Celebrate OP that you did not let this knob live in your house and you have the ability to see that he was a user. Not many women do see it before it’s too late ⭐️

I don’t have anything to add to all the other posters excellent advice except to wonder if the silent treatment is not him dumping you.

But instead he is hoping that it will scare you into saying that if it’s a choice of living together or not being together at all, you will choose living together.

Seems like he might have shot himself in the foot as all it’s done is make you see him as a loser.

Well done, now imagine being with someone who like you has house, great job and pension and who you can go on ritzy holidays with.

He has literally NOTHING to offer you - why waste your life like this?

What is a ZGF5s?

He thinks his stroppy behaviour will bring you to heel, so that you'll be glad and obedient when he returns, as I expect he will, before Christmas, in the hope of a nice time at your expense.
Expect the sob story about how unwell he is, if you refuse to comply.

Either that, or he has found a more compliant nurse with a purse (What a brilliant phrase) and you have dodged that bullet.

He needs to go in the bin OP

Your instinct is correct. He is not a good person, he is immature, he does not have good will toward you or your children. He is laying on the guilt trip to manipulate you. Please drop him like a hot potato.

The right person will add to your happiness and sense of security and well being. He is doing opposite. And, the last thing you should be doing is agonizing and wondering if he is with someone else. That is beneath you and so is he.

He really does not sound attractive. Hopefully you can move on and realise you dodged a bullet. If he comes back - let him know DC will live with you always because of their special needs.

He's counting on your guilt and the ways he's successfully manipulated you over the previous years to lead you to grovel for his forgiveness - and hand over ownerships of 50% of your home to him/chuck your children out ('He should live with his father rather than be allowed to talk to ME like that'/'She can fuck off and get her own bedsit if she's going to be like that in MY home').

Shrug your shoulders, block him and ignore the inevitable 'I've decided to give you another chance/I've realised how much I love you, will you marry me?' that's going to happen in the next couple of weeks when he's feeling particularly sorry for himself. I'd suggest changing the locks and not opening the door to him. Oh, and there's also a good chance he'll turn up with all his worldy goods on Christmas Eve and a couple of things from the Pound Shop as presents because he can then say 'I've been made homeless, I'm sleeping in the car, it's sooo cold, I can't feel my legs and it's getting so dark (cough, cough)'

I agree with every word of this. He is not a catch - I can’t see any reason not to end this now.

Dear God. Hs is sooo not a keeper.

You are well rid.