AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

This,

I have 3 kids, 2 are ND. I have worked evenings and weekends for the last 11 years, plus done a degree and battled cancer. My DH has done his fair share of school runs and night routines. It's tiring for both of us but it's about team work and pooling the finances.

and this

I'm sure most of us on this thread could give similar examples.
If you don't want to work. Don't.
If you do want to work, there are so many ways you can try to make it work.
You dh working doesn't prevent him dropping your dc at breakfast club or a childminder or collecting him. Parents do that every day of the year.

You've come on here to ask strangers what they think, but then are arguing back with every suggestions made.

OP - if ds is diagnosed with autism, you will be able to claim DLA, which will help. I know it can take a long time to get a dx, but try and push it through as quickly as possible. DLA enabled me to give up 2 days work a week, as I couldn't fit in 5 days work and look after asd child.

For people suggesting child care - that may not be an option for an autistic child. No one would look after mine.

Honestly I wonder if some of this thinking about employment etc is impacted by your possible neurodiversity.

It sounds like you've got some quite fixed ideas about what would be worth doing, wages etc with not a lot of flexibility. I wonder if anxiety also plays a role?

www.employ-ability.org.uk/

Employability works with companies to help people who are not neuro typical find work

Many of the jobs are for graduates and students

People with autism often excel in certain industries and employers are beginning to recognise that

It would be lovely if people could offer positive encouragement

It is more useful than negative judgments

+44(0)7852 764 684
Ring them for a chat

If you’re good at writing, have you looked at copywriting jobs?

You’re not awkward your DH is. Tell him you’re looking for full time work so he needs to either chat to his employer about doing the morning school run (ie 50%) or funding half a childminder to do the afternoons.

Either that or can he cut his spending as increasing income isn’t an option.

I just quit an evening job that meant I missed bedtimes because ND DS really wasn't coping and the job was utterly terrible.

Are you saying that your DS could not cope with their father putting them to bed?

I agree with this too. Most parents I know both partners do some of the school runs and share the holiday cover. Even those in senior roles. My career has progressed rapidly despite me doing at least half the school runs and poorly child cover etc!

I know someone who works in childcare, and is registered with an agency that provides last minute and ad hoc cover. She just posts her availability for term time, up to 14.30 pm. She does have experience but it may be worth looking into. Some people also advertise themselves as available for childcare mornings only on a regular basis, employed by one family. Many people want housekeeper/childcare combined so that could be a way in.

There is also teaching English as a foreign language online.

I do think that what might work best is to get a childminder that allows you to work slightly longer hours if need be. It should really not work out that you’re worse off than not working at all when you only need a little cover. If you go on childcare.co.uk you can search by school for people who do pick ups there. You can also look at the profiles of people offering part time childcare or household help and see if it’s something you could also do.

I hope you find something that fits.

It's hard if your DH isnt stepping up.

My ex DH was perfectly happy for me to work but made it clear the arrangements were nothing to do with him. It was v hard and only worked because my DM stepped up.

My current DH values my job as much as his, though he earns more and we work as a team.

I know which is easier. And what has helped me gain and keep a much better job.

OP, you are less than halfway through your degree course - is that right?

You’re at the end of the fourth term of nine, or part-way through the third semester of six.

Can you step aside from it temporarily and then go back when your child is more settled or you have built up some savings?

Nights as a support worker for people with learning disabilities much easier than standard elderly care home as ratios are much higher.

If you worked full time and got a childminder to do the pick up and maybe 1-2 hours care after school,what you'd earn in those same hours of care would probably cover the cost. But it would open up options of you working full time instead of trying to find restricted hours. In the holidays you'd have to take the hit of your wages being for childcare, but its better than no wages.

Care jobs/mcdonalds are flexible. Allow restricted set hours.

You’ve maybe explored this option already - but does your uni offer a hardship fund? Ours did and I know a growing number do especially with COL crisis. When I used it I just applied and had to write some info on why I needed the extra funding - it was basically like a grant so I didn’t have to pay it back. It just might help a little while you are on the job hunt.

Also, get yourself listed on some freelancing websites. Supplement your creative writing skills with some technical writing skills (SEO, writing for web, ecommerce etc) to help build out your profile. Try and expand the industries you can write for and get exposure. Brands, agencies rely on freelancers a lot. The more experienced can demand £600 daily rates. More often around £350 per day. New starts from around £175 per day. For longer term projects there will be a negotiation. It might just help you career wise in the long term if you anticipate maybe needing to be a bit more flexible with your son as he grows - so you could potentially work school hours freelance and build up a nice portfolio of clients.

@anerki101 can I just ask if you are at university full time how do you manage to drop off and pick up from school just now? Or is the course online? If you managed to get a 9.30-2 job would you quit uni?
Obviously money is important but it would be a shame to have spent it on your course and not finish. My work colleague needed more income and did cleaning at £14 per hour, she did evenings and early mornings 4 times a week so she could still do school run and her normal job. Freelance journalist? Write fluff pieces for local schools for the local paper? Means you can go during school hours to get the info and type story when ds in bed.

Try school receptionist jobs, often 8.45am-2pm where I live, then pick up extra hours somewhere else if needed.

im trying to be kind (and you did ask) but I think you’re being difficult. I don’t really understand why you’re doing a degree which doesn’t lead to career - obv lovely and enjoyable but didn’t sound like best choice if you want to have a decent income (£1,500 a month given your hour limits is unrealistic i think).

I’m a parish clerk, I work whatever hours I want bar two evening meetings twice a month. I know when the meetings are at the beginning of the year so can plan for them. Otherwise I do whatever hours I like to suit what I’m doing that week (24 hours) all from home.

I know a lot of people who did creative writing courses so to answer @Herejustforthisone , I’ve also looked at the course outline for them myself when I was considering it and yes the ones I seen do work on a longer piece. In the final hear if I remember correctly .

OP, I’m surprised you don’t already know the course outline for each year if you’re already on the course?

Tbf most writers are unknown even “bestselling” ones unless you work in the industry or an avid reader.

Family friend did the McDonalds lunch time shift for many years while both of her children were in school and DH worked in the City.

They recently paid off their mortgage, and are in their early 40's.

if your DH wants you to bring in extra income to help with the expenses, he is going to have to step up with dealing with the DC of an evening/night time and whatever home chores are needing to be done. Do make sure you are very firm on this point..

Sidebar - where would such jobs be advertised please?

I am going to need a total change as I will be caring for my mum. Thanks.

Fast food might be a good shout, they must need staff to cover the lunchtime peak and breakfast/morning coffee so you might be able to get a 9 to 2 shift or similar. Plus maybe 1 or 2 evenings, and a weekend shift because your DH has to take some of the responsibility for childcare and making the family budget work. Might also be able to reduce hours in school holidays because they employ a lot of students who can work more then.

Plus you might be able to get help with childcare as it sounds like your DH doesn't earn too much to qualify even if you work too.

Can your DH earn more? Can he get a more flexible job, change his hours etc? This isn't just your problem to solve.

Also can you cut your outgoings, or reduce spending? What is the money issue? Lower income and increased cost of basics meaning you are no longer managing, or overspending on non essentials and scope to cut back? Can you move somewhere cheaper and that have better childcare options?

Also consider if you can improve things by lots of little changes rather than one big one of you finding the holy grail of a fully flexible well paid part time job, because I'm not sure they exist, even in the civil service unless you have a tonne of experience in something very niche and in demand, which you don't unfortunately.

Are there no other nearby schools that have an after school club? Usually someone picks up dc from another school and walks them to the other school. Or you could use a childminder. If there’s a breakfast club then you can start work earlier too. There are summer clubs so you don’t have to just work term time.

I’m surprised by your degree choice. You could’ve taken a creative writing workshop/short course that costs £££ rather than getting into debt with over £27k in tuition fee and then whatever you have borrowed for maintenance loan. You’re a mum so your best bet would’ve been to do a vocational course so you could find a job quickly.

Get an evening job like a lot of other women in your situation do.
There's no excuse not to.