AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

I second this

This one is a no brainier, why can’t it be a good option. I pay mine £16 per hour, she has many other clients as well and can set her own hours. It’s as stable as you are reliable.

I’m just wondering if you are underselling yourself and need to explore other work options rather than min wage ones. In your situation I think you need to see a careers advisor and gain knowledge and advice about what your skills are and where your degree could lead. Many people have jobs whereby they work from home and fit their hours in around other commitments. Sorry I can’t be more specific but a careers advisor could point you in the right direction. They are not just for school leavers. I know someone who got advice at 31 and it gave her the confidence to seek a different career, just as her marriage was breaking down and she had a new baby.

To me you sound lacking in confidence and in need of some good advice and support. Otherwise, once you have completed your degree you will be back at square one and no happier or better off.

Cleaning during school hours - many small cleaning companies here have staff that work in school hours. It may not be much money but if you are currently earning zero it all helps, plus no childcare costs.

You are in a trap that many women face. It does get easier as they get older. I seem to remember something about a recruitment company that wanted to focus on what they called 10am-2pm jobs for Mums. It might be worth a search. Also, you said you are not averse to cleaning. There is always demand for good cleaners in private homes and you can often negotiate things like only coming fortnightly in the holidays or term time only. I bet loads of teachers would love a term time only cleaner. Or could you set up a small online business and build it around your studies? You don't want to end up working so hard that you harm your degree result and end up too tired to give your little boy the attention he needs.

I used to be a residential cleaner but I've switched now to post construction cleaning. The money is double what I was earning doing residential. Its a hard days graft but cleaning brand new apartments on a site beats cleaning other peoples manky houses. There is lots of work available. I work 9-2 as do most of my crew. We are all mums of school age kids.

Or work nights in a care home, or in a hospital and the. Sleep in the day whilst child is at school? Could do bank type shifts so pick up shifts when you can. I did this. Again, better than zero income.

Your options here are fairly limited, but it won't be forever. While people are dissing your degree choice, a degree is still a basic requirement in some jobs, no matter the subject, plus good writing skills are always a bonus. I don't think you should drop it now that you are half-way through it.

I think your best option really is a school-based p/t post, like TA, or catering assistant, which are term-time.

Is there any way to reduce your outgoings? Or for your DH to look for a better paid job? I'm so sorry about your m/c - I've been there too - but is it really the time to put more pressure on your family life?

Hope you can work something out.

Because she stated she needed to be at home for his bedtime and evening or he gets upset....don't come for me!

The first year of DS's primary school I actually found the hardest. If you add in suspected Autism then I think you need to be realistic about what you can and cannot do.

If your situation was dire and you couldn't afford to feed your family then I would go with some of the above suggestions.

But if things are tight and you can afford to be a bit choosy then in your position I would focus on finishing your degree, and sign up to do some ad hoc work.

You can try UpWork where you can take ad hoc self employed jobs to bring in a bit of money. It could be typing, editing, virtual PA, if you can imagine it, there is a job there. But you need to be organised and able to have a quick turnaround for the ad hoc jobs. Pay while you build up your rating is not that great, but once you get a decent rating you will get invited to bid for jobs that aren't otherwise listed.

Pactera have a few voice type jobs as well, sometimes for children as well. My DC were thrilled to take part in a job recording phrases as part of teaching the systems how to recognise children's speech - they got a nice little sum of money (and I got them to do extra reading practice!)

Your studies could get you into this - uk.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/how-to-become-freelance-proofreader

Also copywriting seems to be a big industry and is very flexible. I know an autistic chap who does this quite successfully because it allows him to work when he wants to at the pace he wants to, as long as he completes the work by the agreed deadline.

I have 3 kids, 2 are ND. I have worked evenings and weekends for the last 11 years, plus done a degree and battled cancer. My DH has done his fair share of school runs and night routines. It's tiring for both of us but it's about team work and pooling the finances.
I recently enquired at pets at home who want a minimum of 16hrs a week. this could be meeting the deliveries at 6am on a Sunday morning or doing some evenings.

You just have to be prepared to work and make sure that your child sees your husband as equally capable as you at supporting his needs. the more you avoid it the harder it will become.

You could look into a bit of freelance writing. I did it when the kids were small and it wasn’t a huge amount of money, but generally very flexible. I then moved into a permanent copywriting job which is remote. Once you have a degree this might be a career option for you. My DS has autism so can’t do after school clubs etc, so I work around the school runs.

I work in the office at school 8.30-1.30pm term time only. Also most of the TAs where i work do part time hours starting 8.45 finishing 1pm, 2pm or 3.30pm, they also have some afternoon staff. Ignore what the adverts say, just talk to the Head Teacher.

@anerki101 so you and dh have five children including your DS.
He may not like it but I imagine he is routine leads and you need your dh's support to build their routine so you can work.

What most people do is pay for childcare. Childminder to do school drop off and pick up, and an hour or two after school.

Just get a normal 9-5 job. So many WFH roles about too.

For school holidays, you and your husband organise your annual leave to cover it.

Kindly, it does baffle me when people are like “I couldn’t possibly work” and they have one school aged child. How do you think everyone else does it?

In a couple of years your son will be a teen able to sit by himself after school while you
WFH, and you could be on track to an interesting, fulfilling and well paid career.

Remote admin jobs, charities are usually good for these type of roles. Have a look here: www.charityjob.co.uk/jobs

Just set the filter to remote only and see what comes up. I've been working almost remotely since lockdown and it's been a financial life saver.

Online work with a company such as lionbridge. 20 hours per week working from home on a computer. Can be done flexibly, so while child is at school. Pay isn't fabulous, but enough hours that it ticks quite a few of your boxes.

Such Jobs DO exist OP. I work 9.15am-2pm around school, three days a week. I did work there full time before I had my child so that obviously makes it easier to get those hours. It can be done though. I work in a law firm.

Hotel cleaner? Suspect they are desperate so would be flexible and give you hours that are suitable. But do work on building your writing portfolio!

You asked if you're just being awkward and making excuses and tbh I think you are.

You have one school age child, so for 39 weeks of the year, you're only paying for wraparound care. You're getting the 6 hours a day he's in school absolutely free.

Use a childminder for after school and school holidays. You will be be better off, even if you're working did minimum wage. Do the sums. And remember you'll have an entitlement to annual leave. As will your dh. So it's not even all the school holidays you need childcare.

It simply doesn't make sense to say you can't afford to work or that you must have a job between the hours of 10-2. You could work full time 9-5 and be better off; tbh it sounds like you just don't want to.

How much time does the school run take? If it’s not long, I’d be applying for the 9-5 admin jobs wfh and hope they would allow some flexible working.

There are charities to support people with autism to get work etc

www.autism.org.uk/directory/e/elitesupported-employment-agency-ltd

So many options given here and an excuse for nearly all of them. Working from home suits your schedule second to that Night shift is your best bet, as for school holidays get a job first and then worry about that later, a lot of work places offer flexible working these days anyway.

Can I ask why you would persevere with uni if it's not an employable degree? Seems like a lot of future debt to accrue for nothing?