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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bi or pansexual

212 replies

dawnfromgavinandstacey · 11/12/2022 20:47

I've just been blocked by someone that I know via friends and family. They are semi famous.

They are out and gay and happy.

They have just come out on Instagram as pansexual. I have asked how is it different to being bi.

I am bi.

I'm really sorry if I'm offending anyone but to me it's the same.

You like the person. Doesn't matter how they identify you just fancy them. For whatever reason. You just do. You like them.

I've been blocked and asked snottily if I get the difference.

I will be honest. No I don't. You like who you like. Regardless.

What is the difference. You like who you like. Regardless of if they are a a man or or women.

Have I missed something here?

OP posts:
Seaweedandsalt · 12/12/2022 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yep 100%

DolphinWars · 12/12/2022 14:08

Haven’t read beyond page 3, but it strikes me that in the new gender ideology the LGB are considered quite dull, and I get the impression that genderists believe that L = fancying every woman, B = fancying everyone, G = fancying all men.
Why else would they be so keen to create sooo many meaningless identities that describe very specific ways of fancying people? Surely this is just personality and compatibility? Why on earth is there a “sexuality” where you are attracted to intelligent people, or attracted to someone when you’ve got to know them?
This isn’t a sexuality, it’s personal preference and doing what floats your boat. You don’t need to be part of the rainbow tribe for that.
Whoever said there’s LGB, then after that there are special straights hit the nail in the head.

It is the most attention seeking, self absorbed, wanky thing ever!

MidnighMayhem · 12/12/2022 14:39

I’m a complete failure as a bisexual, nobody told me I was supposed to be shagging everyone with a pulse. I’ve had 5 relationships over the span of 30 years (2 with men, 3 with women if you’re interested), along with long periods of celibacy. Maybe I’m really asexual, with intermittent episodes of lesbianism and heterosexuality? Can that happen? What if I’ve incorrectly labelled myself all along?! Am I going to disintegrate existentially now? Does any of it matter? 🤯

bellinisurge · 12/12/2022 15:14

@MidnighMayhem really not the right sort of bisexual, are you?

EBearhug · 12/12/2022 15:21

I’m a complete failure as a bisexual, nobody told me I was supposed to be shagging everyone with a pulse.

TBH, it's quite difficult to fit it all in, when you've also got to fit in working full time, sorting out food, fitting in sleep, exercise, bit of housework, childcare, etc. Makes it difficult to concentrate in work meetings and round the supermarket and remember whether you need more tomatoes, too.

Itsoktogiveup · 12/12/2022 15:29

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/12/2022 13:13

Everything is linked with the 'alt right' these days. Feminism is linked with, and funded by, the Christian alt right, particularly as emanating from the US. Would you get that? Feminism, which fights tooth and nail for women's right to autonomy over their own bodies, is aligning itself with a pro-life ideology that's just rolled that back by 50 years.

You couldn't make it up. Except they just did.

Gender ideology and TRA/TQ activism does not remotely resemble any left-wing activism I've seen or heard of during my lifetime. Conversely, it has a definite stench of being precisely the opposite. There's a word for the total taking-over of a person's body, sexuality and individual autonomy - one which, no less, wants the entire world to get on board with its politics and will threaten to harm or kill those who don't - and it's a word that appears in a good deal of dystopian fiction.

That word is 'totalitarianism'. The left is the ground on which these battles have traditionally been fought, so when betrayals emanate from that direction they're even harder to take than those coming from the right. But this is not the 'left'. It's far right masquerading as leftism, and telling the left they are really the right-wing fundamentalists all along.

Classic DARVO. This, again, doesn't come as a surprise. It's always been this movement's stock-in-trade.

This ^^

nancydroo · 12/12/2022 15:40

DolphinWars · 12/12/2022 14:08

Haven’t read beyond page 3, but it strikes me that in the new gender ideology the LGB are considered quite dull, and I get the impression that genderists believe that L = fancying every woman, B = fancying everyone, G = fancying all men.
Why else would they be so keen to create sooo many meaningless identities that describe very specific ways of fancying people? Surely this is just personality and compatibility? Why on earth is there a “sexuality” where you are attracted to intelligent people, or attracted to someone when you’ve got to know them?
This isn’t a sexuality, it’s personal preference and doing what floats your boat. You don’t need to be part of the rainbow tribe for that.
Whoever said there’s LGB, then after that there are special straights hit the nail in the head.

It is the most attention seeking, self absorbed, wanky thing ever!

I remember being in a uni seminar where this poor guy got shouted down because he used the word 'preference'. You see I wasn't against this as when I identified as Lesbian I thought that was my decision at the time but no no, in this seminar this poor guy was strongly informed that no it's not a preference, you are born this way, you can't help it, which I didn't like so much, made me feel like I had a condition or something. Then as it transpires I married a man and still think this is my choice. Labels are always going to be problematic and this new stuff I can't keep up with. So think OP has a genuine and natural curiosity to question the difference of bi and pansexual

DolphinWars · 12/12/2022 17:42

nancydroo · 12/12/2022 15:40

I remember being in a uni seminar where this poor guy got shouted down because he used the word 'preference'. You see I wasn't against this as when I identified as Lesbian I thought that was my decision at the time but no no, in this seminar this poor guy was strongly informed that no it's not a preference, you are born this way, you can't help it, which I didn't like so much, made me feel like I had a condition or something. Then as it transpires I married a man and still think this is my choice. Labels are always going to be problematic and this new stuff I can't keep up with. So think OP has a genuine and natural curiosity to question the difference of bi and pansexual

In this case is there an assumption that preference is synonymous with choice?

I’ve seen this before - it’s not a preference, I was born this way - and it’s never made sense because born with it or not(and I’m sure different people have different experiences of this), a preference surely still means you prefer men over women, or prefer women to men.

GrolliffetheDragon · 13/12/2022 16:37

bellinisurge · 12/12/2022 10:51

Hearts not parts means you will have romantic relationships and/or sex with men or women. Which means you are bi. Which is fine. But we already have a prefix for it. And it is insulting to suggest that people who are bi do not have romantic feelings or relationships.

I suppose with pan they don't care what the parts are? I know people who identify as pan (their words), and for them is does seem to be part of being trans inclusive. That may not be true of all people who say they are pan though.

I can only speak for myself, I'm bi, but if we're just talking about physical attraction there are certain things I find attractive in women and certain things I find attractive in men, and the parts do matter.

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 13/12/2022 16:59

What you said is akin to someone saying you're partially straight so it's no different.

I can't really understand why you felt the need to comment what you did

AngelaBrazilNuts · 13/12/2022 18:28

I thought it meant they were open to shagging every living thing from humans to horses to Greek gods with the feet of a goat.

StillWeRise · 13/12/2022 18:52

careful someone else made a similar joke and it got deleted

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