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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everyone is stressed and miserable.

256 replies

liloandtitch · 11/12/2022 01:31

Rewind five years and I would say that my friends and family were a happy group. We had our problems of course, but a good chat putting the world to rights over a bottle of red usually seemed to help.

Right now though my best friend is pregnant, has huge health anxiety and rarely leaves the house.

Another good friend is stressed and burnt out at work, thinking of leaving her partner but has no energy to do anything.

A third I barely hear from, never reads her messages or picks up the phone, she lives the other end of the country so we can’t just pop in to see how she is. I know money was tight for her before cost of living crisis, so I’m guessing she is stressed out.

My sister is off work with stress, she is also gutted house purchase fell through as can no longer afford a mortgage and feels really bleak right now.

My 80year old aunt who used to be such a great giggle went downhill massively during covid and now I think she is probably depressed.

My boss’s son has developed OCD and all sorts of emotional problems so we hear all about that at work.

Nobody is in the mood for celebrating and the Christmas parties, coffees and catch ups that used to happen just aren’t on the cards this year because nobody seems to have the energy, the money or frankly the cheer. I confess, I can’t be bothered either a lot of the time.

Just looking at my own circle, seems like almost everyone is just feeling really down right now. Are others seeing the same?

OP posts:
BCBird · 11/12/2022 01:49

I am.down. I keep it together at work but at hime alone it's a different story. I work.closely with 4 other people. 2 of them.are fine. One of them.has said her life isn't perfect,she is happyish,the other is absolutely great and always has been- well this is what she says. Gor me it due to bereavement of partner through suicide and the emotional legacy of Covid. Hoping we all improve our well being. Take care.

BCBird · 11/12/2022 01:50

By we,I meant all u too if it's needed,not just my work colleagues and myself .

liloandtitch · 11/12/2022 02:37

BCBird · 11/12/2022 01:50

By we,I meant all u too if it's needed,not just my work colleagues and myself .

Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss x I hope you feel better in time, sending warm wishes x

OP posts:
Judgyjudgy · 11/12/2022 02:44

I totally agree. I've even noticed it here on mumset, such a negative vibe.
I feel it's covid, the trauma and now the fall out. The future seems bleak Sad

catmum88 · 11/12/2022 07:00

I completely agree with you. I have seen a huge shift in my own circle of friends. Personally I used to be very social, always arranging plans with people, and now I have to absolutely force myself. Feels like the sparkle has gone from life somehow, and I know many people who feel the same.

KangarooKenny · 11/12/2022 07:10

I agree about the sparkle being missing.
Yesterday I just sat around waiting to have dinner and then go to bed, this is my life now, can’t be bothered.
I wonder if it’s because we had our freedom taken from us, and there’s always the possibility it could happen again 🤔

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 11/12/2022 07:13

I agree, I’m at total breaking point 😭.

RewildingAmbridge · 11/12/2022 07:15

There has been a shift away from going out this year and move towards going to people's houses for a drink, food, catch up, but other than that everyone is fine in my circle.
Most of us work in public services though so money has rarely been abundant and stress is part of the day job. Family all fine, my aunt and uncle separated after 34 years, but she seems so much happier, lighter, free. Which is lovely to see.

Namenic · 11/12/2022 07:15

I’m so sorry @BCBird . Sending you good wishes.

YellowHpok · 11/12/2022 07:16

Totally agree. My life looks great on the outside and it is in many way that I am very grateful for. However I am also really lonely. I rarely see other ppl in real life outside my immediate family unless I do the school run. I'm not enjoying working remotely and wish there was a more hybrid option so I could feel more connected.

panko · 11/12/2022 07:18

Yes some of us have been through a heck of a lot

Roselilly36 · 11/12/2022 07:19

Yes, I agree, I am sorry for everyone that’s struggling, not much good news around atm. Best wishes to everyone.

Ponoka7 · 11/12/2022 07:34

I'm first generation from immigrants outside the EU. A lot of my friends are from across Africa, so we easily see the gratitude that we should have for living in the UK, especially being women. I'm in my 50's, some of my older friends from the North West of England have seen difficult times. So we are all doing ok. It's cheap to live up here, which helps. There's been set backs for the children who have SN and there's been some stress getting appointments. But in my friend's cases, they wouldn't have the services at all were they were born and don't have doctors/hospitals that you can trust. Life did change and things aren't easy, but we have solutions in the form of food banks etc. We shouldn't have need them at all, but we aren't in the desperate position that many others are around the world, or have been in previous generations. Blessing counting and finding joy is very much needed. So are decent mental health services, but we ain't going to get them anytime soon.

autienotnaughty · 11/12/2022 07:39

I agree but tbh I've felt this for a good 6/7 years so pre covid!! I blame social media and the way we communicate nowadays. There's no longer the connection of talking as it's all done via text. I think people feel less close because of it.

Bog · 11/12/2022 07:43

I agree. I lost my wife in the summer and I have to keep a mask on for our son. Her birthday and Christmas are close together and I just want to sleep until its all over. But I want to give our son the best Christmas's and life but I miss my wife so much.

doitwithlove · 11/12/2022 07:48

Cost of living and the crap weather does not help these situations.

Counting down to Spring here 😬

grayhairdontcare · 11/12/2022 07:49

It's all just completely joyless.
We are doing what's necessary but it's been a couple of tough years,with no end in sight for many people.
I miss the fun and carefree vibe of 2019.

the80sweregreat · 11/12/2022 07:56

It has been another really tough year for people and also turbulent for the country too ( three PMs , the Queen dying and the war in Ukraine )
The war has had such an effect on the cost of living , which has impacted people hugely , we all need food and warmth and both of those things have been compromised by higher prices and more pressure on everyone to earn Enugu to pay the bills.
Of course, a change of monarchy didn't affect 99.9 percent of the population, but it certainly added to the gloom overall.
Our services are not what they once were either and most places have an air of apathy ( if you don't like , go elsewhere is the general view )
The strikes are not being addressed either , the rail companies can afford to pay their workers a pay rise , they just won't do it. They would rather the public are inconvenienced instead
It's all so depressing

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 11/12/2022 07:59

Bog · 11/12/2022 07:43

I agree. I lost my wife in the summer and I have to keep a mask on for our son. Her birthday and Christmas are close together and I just want to sleep until its all over. But I want to give our son the best Christmas's and life but I miss my wife so much.

Yes, you don’t get over it but you do get through it. Well done for trying to make those days meaningful and happy for your son, despite the huge emotional effort for you. It’s important that he realises that there can be the possibility of happier times. I am sorry for your loss.Flowers

AnythingConsidered · 11/12/2022 08:02

Absolutely seeing the same in my close friendship group and in the team I manage.

Like PP I used to be the social butterfly, always organising, always busy but for months now I can't be bothered to do anything. Not sure if it is perimenopause, depression, Covid after effects or just an adjustment in life.

I came across this video and the discussions around the world operating in 80 year cycles -

I am in the 2nd cohort as a gen x'er, so maybe deep down, I now its up to us to fix the shit storm that has been happening the last 10-15 years and its exhausting!!

Bog · 11/12/2022 08:03

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 11/12/2022 07:59

Yes, you don’t get over it but you do get through it. Well done for trying to make those days meaningful and happy for your son, despite the huge emotional effort for you. It’s important that he realises that there can be the possibility of happier times. I am sorry for your loss.Flowers

He's only 18 months old but it's hard. I love him so much and he does resemble his mum so much which is a great comfort. Thank you I'm very sure I don't want to get over her. I promised I'd be married to her forever and that's what she will get.

OldPosterNewUsername · 11/12/2022 08:06

Bog · 11/12/2022 07:43

I agree. I lost my wife in the summer and I have to keep a mask on for our son. Her birthday and Christmas are close together and I just want to sleep until its all over. But I want to give our son the best Christmas's and life but I miss my wife so much.

That is truly awful.

I hope things get better for you and your son.

warofthemonstertrucks · 11/12/2022 08:07

Sorry for your loss Bog

Justnosing · 11/12/2022 08:08

I have just 2 weeks ago very suddenly lost my dad under the most horrific circumstances. He was only 50 and fit as a fiddle. We haven’t got any answers and may not ever get them. I’m fucking struggling but keeping up appearances for my daughter. I’m actually dreading after Christmas when there is time to just sit with my thoughts. It’s a scary thought. I was closer to him than anyone else in the world, a real daddy’s girl. How is life supposed to continue without him?

Teatimes2 · 11/12/2022 08:09

I'm putting a brave face on but am feeling very down really. I live alone, am good with my own company, but lockdown was tough and I didn't see anyone for a few months. My five year relationship also ended during lockdown 2021 and I was really heartbroken. I don't know if it's to do with this, but I haven't bounced back to how I was previously. Have cried on and off this week but I don't really know why. To look at me, nobody would guess, I'm good at putting my happy face on, although I did cry two nights ago when a friend asked how I was.

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