Everyone is stressed and miserable.

[liloandtitch]

Rewind five years and I would say that my friends and family were a happy group. We had our problems of course, but a good chat putting the world to rights over a bottle of red usually seemed to help.

Right now though my best friend is pregnant, has huge health anxiety and rarely leaves the house.

Another good friend is stressed and burnt out at work, thinking of leaving her partner but has no energy to do anything.

A third I barely hear from, never reads her messages or picks up the phone, she lives the other end of the country so we can’t just pop in to see how she is. I know money was tight for her before cost of living crisis, so I’m guessing she is stressed out.

My sister is off work with stress, she is also gutted house purchase fell through as can no longer afford a mortgage and feels really bleak right now.

My 80year old aunt who used to be such a great giggle went downhill massively during covid and now I think she is probably depressed.

My boss’s son has developed OCD and all sorts of emotional problems so we hear all about that at work.

Nobody is in the mood for celebrating and the Christmas parties, coffees and catch ups that used to happen just aren’t on the cards this year because nobody seems to have the energy, the money or frankly the cheer. I confess, I can’t be bothered either a lot of the time.

Just looking at my own circle, seems like almost everyone is just feeling really down right now. Are others seeing the same?

This isn’t my experience.
Sure, at any given time I know people suffering - right now, a friend’s child has 3 months estimated to live, cancer.
But it’s no different than always. Just before Covid, my colleague died - cancer.

“My boss’s son has developed OCD and all sorts of emotional problems so we hear all about that at work.”

This looks like you’re subconsciously - or consciously - casting around to gather evidence for your theory. It’s your boss’s son. Not your immediate circle. If I go out to that level of connection - family members or colleagues - I could produce a litany of sad stories. But if I was looking for them - good ones too. My colleague’s daughter just got her dream job.

We know what you meant and I'm so glad you have managed to turn the corner and find your positivity after that awful time.

I've wished so many times that Mumsnet had an edit button....

The main problem with texting or messaging etc is how you read it. I think sometimes people take offence , but if they were face to face and you read their cues and body language, you'd know if it is genuine or not or how they actually want to portray what they are getting across ( if any of that makes sense !) tone of voice too.
Plus this pressure on the young to have everything picture perfect, perfect home , perfect lives , perfect Christmas or whatever
Not always easy to do and then shows up the ones who are wealthier than everyone else.

For me I thought life would be different and improved after Covid lockdowns. However,all of my bills have shot up to approximately £400 a month more. This has 100% stopped me doing anything now including saving for holidays, house mtmce, birthdays etc. Life is basically work and then wrapping myself up in a blanket in the evenings. Touch wood i have my health. However it can’t be good to be constantly cold or rather not warm.

We do voice messages with few friends (different countries) and they work well. You can hear the tone so it helps

It’s at this tie of year I am very grateful that I’m a TA in a primary school. You can’t be miserable with nativities and daily singing of carols. Yes it’s stressful at times it it forces joy i to me. I feel sad for my DD sometimes as she’s mainly wfh. I think we’re becoming a nation of stay at homes after Covid and now wfh continues.

@80s I agree about texting. The amount of times my DDs 18 and 22 misread my messages. Trouble is I can’t see the emojis clearly and can’t always find my glasses for a quick text on the hoof! Will try voice notes.

Condolences 💐 to those dealing with raw grief. It’s exhausting. There will be calmer times when the waves are smaller and more manageable. In the meantime grab onto whatever support you can find.

For me we were find during covid and our friendships became closer, and we maintained them after.

This year has felt a slog, i think more because of the national mood, problems at school and covid meaning we didn't keep foot to the peddle we had prior to it. This year all the events and things we hadn't done for two years, have started again. Covid felt like a break from the relentless churn of week after week of being busy.

The last two years I felt the seasonal shift in October badly but this year I've felt it harder. The weird weather hasn't helped. But that's the start of the Christmas run in this year.

The relief of not having to do relatives for two years has been replaced by the arse ache of having to 'make up for previous year's' and to tell the truth, I can't be bothered with it.

Financially we are concerned but not stretched. Emotionally we've had no dramas. But there is definitely a sense for us that there's a recession looming - shops, pubs and restaurants are unusually quite for Dec. And we know we are going to get hit financially going forward.

Its like a public consensus that the 'good times are over' that's dragging everyone down.

I can't wait for next week and a two week forced break for DH. Its highly unusual.

I think I'm looking forward to January though. January is quiet and lacks expectations. That's nice.

Even if you haven’t experienced any major loss or misfortune, life is harder post COVId and many people are in mourning for the life we had before.

Treats which made life more fun are hard to come by now. hospitality and travel industry have been decimated and costs have gone up so much for a shittier service. Even getting from A to B has become more difficult. a taxi anywhere is difficult in some places. Some bus companies have cut routes. Kids have a long wait for driving instructors or tests. Petrol is expensive. Just having a night out anywhere is a major expensive undertaking and you’re left wondering if it’s worth it if it means you’ll be short to pay a bill in a couple of weeks.

Healthcare has gone to shit and it’s hard to see a doctor, and you’re terrified of having to go to A and E cos you know it’ll be hell. School staffing is in crisis.

life is just less enjoyable whichever way you look at it, so we need to retrain our mindsets to find enjoyment regardless. Some people struggle with that.

Yep I totally feel the same and have done for some time. One of my bestest friends is dead and my family are mostly superficial who think family are just for Christmas and then forget about us for the rest of the year.

Christmas just doesn’t seem the same anymore, it’s just mass consumer bullshit. It’s a secular festival now. The Christmas spirit of yesteryear just doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

Plus now we have the train strikes the weekend before Christmas creating added stress and cancelled plans.

I feel really down. Hate my job, time is just going too fast and soon approaching 40 which terrifies me. Worried about money, Lost a lot of friends and feel I have no emotional support. I enjoy Christmas run up but if I feel like this now, I wonder what I will feel like in January, the most depressing month 😔

I think lockdown and Covid have left a longer impact than a lot of us expected. I thought once we opened up again it wouldn't take too long to get back to normal but I think I was wrong.

I lost my beloved dad very suddenly and unexpectedly 9 years ago. I was a daddy's girl too.

It doesn't get better...BUT it does get easier to carry.

My thoughts are with you x

YANBU. I find it harder to feel festive this year than I did during the lockdown years. At least then decorating the house and making small scale plans gave some variety to the days.

But now... We're hosting a Christmas party in a few days and all I can think is, 'Too much work! Moving furniture. Shopping and cooking for thirty. Making small talk when sod all has happened.'

DS2 is home early from uni with a really awful flu which none of us have yet caught. DS1 has broken up with his long term partner so is gloomy. I have had a different work structure this term and it really doesn't suit me so I've fallenbehind and have stuff to catch up on. Family are in an absolute mess - I won't elaborate on line but if I don't think about them I feel guilty, if I do, I want to cry but can't help.

And I'm fast spending my life savings on every day expenses.

I still have almost all my Christmas shopping to do and can't muster the energy to do anything at all - not even my usual exercise classes which I know are brilliant for mood.

I'm hoping being forced to decorate the house for the party will get me in the mood.

No, not my experience in the slightest, I think sometimes negativity breeds negativity and my last job was just full of people moaning all day long (about work) and it becomes the norm and brings you down. Since moving jobs everything seems so much brighter.

I’ve noticed in my social circle, that all of us working full time in high demanding roles are literally dragging ourselves to Xmas. I’m shattered. Like a pp, I get in from work and wait for dinner/tea time so I can eat and get to bed. No catching up with friends etc. it’s literally work sleep work sleep. I’ve also got 2 younger dc that make it very difficult as they need feeding and baths and bed routine. I used to enjoy the bed routine with my now older kids. I was working full time then too. The demand and atmosphere was different back then. Now everything is a drag.

I agree, I have been so worried about money. Mortgage will go up next year and I dont know how I will pay for it. I am shitting myself. No celebrations this christmas at ours. Simply cannot afford it. Its miserable and depressing

I think this is swings and roundabouts.
During lockdown DD was working from home in a tiny studio flat without a proper desk and no garden.
She is much happier now she can go back into the office, even though it’s not strictly necessary.

Here it’s the flexibility that seems to help. Not being cut off but having the choice. Ranges from a couple of days in office to other way around

I think I'm looking forward to January though. January is quiet and lacks expectations. That's nice.

I agree, I love the lack of expectations in January, other than the going to work bit

Hugs to those of you who've experienced loss. I lost my Dad six weeks ago. This year has been/is really hard but I'm clinging to bright things for want of a better phrase. I've put Christmas decorations up and they have cheered me up. Know what you mean about socialising as well, although tbh I'm finding meeting up with people helps at the moment, even if it was ironically at a wake for one of our friend's Mum's. Dont know if that's all escapism though. A bit scared that its going to hit me properly in the new year, feels impossible to process now but I cant afford to break down, there's too much to do.

Re the cost of living etc, things really do have to get better at some point. If you think back to the 70s/80s recessions etc, things did get better.

I worked on a covid ward through covid. Saw a lot of death and heartache that I was not trained for. I thought we were through covid only for it to suddenly kill my fully vaccinated mum a few weeks ago.
Life can seem cruel and I have to stop and conciously make myself look at the positives. For me I try to focus on the little things to keep me sane. There are tiny shoots of snowdrops in my garden, we had a rare bird by our house last week and tea and a good book always cheer me up.
For those who have lost children and partners, I send my sympathies.

If everyone at my school did that, we’d have no staff! Nobody can afford to live anywhere near the catchment as house prices are so high.

Condolences for your loss. It’s bloody awful isn’t it. My dad died suddenly and unexpectedly in June, partly due to ambulance delays. Like you, I was really close to him and I don’t think it’s truly sunk in yet that I’ll never see him again.