To cancel birthday party

[thankyoumadam]

I have an autistic DS who is 13. He hit me again this morning and called me an 'idiot'. I am tried of it. His behaviour is becoming out of control. AIBU to cancel his party. We are going to use the money to get him help.

For your son's sake, I hope you get access to some help and support.

You're trying to fix him. It won't work. You need to fix you.

You're escalating the punishments and sanctions, even though they're exacerbating his behaviour.

Why? It's not helping him or you.

You can throw money at him all you like but until and unless you change the way you parent, this situation is not going to change.

And my autistic son is now much much bigger than I am. Unless you change tack, you or he are going to end up getting seriously hurt.

Yes there is an "excuse", his brain is wired differently to yours. Tony Attwood called the difference between school and home the Jekyll and Hyde character. He is masking which is emotionally and physically draining. He can't keep that up all the time.

OP please listen to others here. I am not autistic and don’t have autistic kids. But I have learned quite a lot by reading boards like this. And even ignorant me knows that your strategies won’t work for a child with autism.

It seems like parents have to put in a lot of work with their kids. Working out what helps best for their child. But from what I have seen, it is worth it.

You sound stressed and in real need of support. Nobody wants to be hit. But please re-read this thread another day when things feel less acute. For your sake and your son. It seems like there are lots of good tips here for experienced parents of autistic children. Good luck.

You’re his safe place, OP. This is why you’re getting the brunt of this; he knows he can offload to you and you love him.

OP it really sounds like you need to learn more about autism to understand why he behaves the way he does.

The reason he doesn't act like this at school or with his father is because you are his safe space. He loves and trusts you the most and so he doesn't need to mask around you.

I get how awful it is. Sometimes I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with my DD when she's swearing and lashing out and it's always directed at me. But the first step is understanding where the behaviour is coming from and why. As a PP said all behaviour is communicating something

I thought of this thread when I read this post on IG today