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AIBU?

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Original poster

5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

352 replies

AliceAbsolum · 10/12/2022 01:22

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

OP posts:
mangoesaretheonlyfruit · 18/12/2022 21:04

OP breastfeeding was important to me too but I struggled with my DC2. It is not always instinctive for either you or the baby. Please seek help. I got better at it with a mix of YouTube videos and eventually support from La Leche. Incorrect latch is extremely painful and then you’ll be even more inclined to give up. Once I got help I was able to carry on happily and pain free for over a year but in those first few days/weeks I was crying from the pain. I wish I had sought help sooner…

Gremlinsateit · 19/12/2022 05:46

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 18/12/2022 20:39

You don’t need to try and pass on the chip you have on your shoulder. That’s your problem to deal with 😉

Wow that’s rude. It is not true that every woman if committed will find it easy by 2-3 months. Your statement re gut bacteria is also poor science. Yes, breastmilk is beneficial and important, but babies don’t benefit from being underfed while mothers struggle.

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 09:14

Here is that science that you’ve not studied 😉
You’re welcome ☺️

www.ohsu.edu/school-of-medicine/moore-institute/breastfeeding-and-microbiome

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 10:14

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 09:14

Here is that science that you’ve not studied 😉
You’re welcome ☺️

www.ohsu.edu/school-of-medicine/moore-institute/breastfeeding-and-microbiome

Will you be adopting this approach if your daughter decides not to breastfeed or that she really struggles? Ie bombard with medical articles you’ve found and “recommend” that she breastfeed for 6-12 months even if really struggling?

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 10:27

You still pouring more salt onto that chip on your shoulder? I’ll refer you to my previous comment that you’ve purposefully skipped over because it doesn’t meet your demand for an argument 😂 😉

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 16/12/2022 09:57
I just want to say that whatever you do, bottle or breast, you’re a great mum. You’re doing a brilliant job. You clearly love your baby very much and they mean the world to you. They are safe, warm, loved and fed. You’re doing a great job mama, I hope it all gets a little easier for you. Have a wonderful first Christmas snuggled up with your bub.

Lineeyes222 · 19/12/2022 10:27

I don't get the obsessiveness about this debate. Every parent tries their best, and sending articles like that will only create feelings of guilt in those who aren't able/don't find it easy to breastfeed.

No one makes all the best choices for their kids. Your kid may sometimes have take-outs, eat sweets or watch too much TV. There isn't a whole debate about this, which is strange as these things would be more in our control than breastfeeding!

If you can breastfeed till toddlerhood that's amazing for you, but if someone is struggling with it the best thing is to offer advice if the person wants it, and not send articles that will make them feel awful if they don't manage to keep going. Why would you think that's okay?!

PossiblyOverstepping · 19/12/2022 10:40

AliceAbsolum · 16/12/2022 13:41

She started to take a bottle overnight which was a huge relief. Spoke to the midwives this morning and they said 90ml after she has fed at the breast is insane ( was told 90 by a hca) and 30ml is fine. So that's really taken the pressure off.
They've referred us to the infant feeding team and I'm going to start domperidone.

Trying to do lots of cuddles and skin to skin today

This thread has gone all over the place but just to say, don’t start domperadone without a trained lactation consultant advice (IBCLC). If it’s a milk transfer issue rather than supply you don’t want to end up with over supply. You’re doing great and best of luck. The first few months are incredibly difficult no matter how you feed x

TheGoogleMum · 19/12/2022 10:47

DD wouldn't latch for me, and generally just fell asleep without feeding. She was getting close to losing too much weight so we switched to formula and to be honest it made life so much easier. I tried to pump for a while but I found it hard to find time between guests visiting baby and actually feeding baby and changing etc etc
It was much easier for me that other people could feed her so I could have a little more sleep and down time

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 11:47

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 10:27

You still pouring more salt onto that chip on your shoulder? I’ll refer you to my previous comment that you’ve purposefully skipped over because it doesn’t meet your demand for an argument 😂 😉

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 16/12/2022 09:57
I just want to say that whatever you do, bottle or breast, you’re a great mum. You’re doing a brilliant job. You clearly love your baby very much and they mean the world to you. They are safe, warm, loved and fed. You’re doing a great job mama, I hope it all gets a little easier for you. Have a wonderful first Christmas snuggled up with your bub.

Yes but then what followed….

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 11:49

This was the nonsense you wrote

The health benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula, it is a huge decision to make and one that far too many mothers take far too lightly. The good bacteria that grows in the digestive system the baby can only get from human breastmilk, and by 1 year old all the good, essential bacteria that is in the baby’s stomach is all they’ll ever have for the rest of their lives. It’s so important to build this up whilst you can. I would recommend every woman to breastfeed for a minimum of 6 months, ideally 12months or more.

”I recommend” 😂

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 13:00

Yes, I would recommend that. So would every doctor, nurse, midwife, lactation specialist, pediatrician, the NHS and the WHO. It’s not my fault you feel so bitter about how you fed your baby. Maybe go to therapy or something? 👏

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 13:14

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 13:00

Yes, I would recommend that. So would every doctor, nurse, midwife, lactation specialist, pediatrician, the NHS and the WHO. It’s not my fault you feel so bitter about how you fed your baby. Maybe go to therapy or something? 👏

Oh good grief! I did breastfeed my first two, third couldn’t balance with work so didn’t. Honestly didn’t bother me either way.

But my goodness I feel sorry if you have a DD who struggle with bf or just doesn’t want to do it.

Kolakalia · 19/12/2022 13:18

OP, the very fact you've naturally framed it as 'giving up' says so much about the 'breast is best' ideology we've all had rammed down our throat.

If possible, try see it for what it is: making a positive decision that is best for you and your baby/family. However you feed your baby, whether it's formula or breast milk, as long as they receive enough of the stuff they will thrive. There is no longterm benefit to either method over the other so really all that matters is what works best for you. If you have decided to move to exclusive formula then well done you for making the choice that's best for your family, nobody else can tell you what's best but you. It's just awful that new parents are put under such relentless pressure to feed their baby a certain way. There's certainly nothing magical in breast milk that makes this amount of pressure warranted, it's just food.

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 13:47

🥱

Hugasauras · 19/12/2022 14:40

You're doing great, OP! I know all the switch to formula posts come from a good place, but that is the last advice I wanted when I was struggling. Of course I knew formula existed and that I could switch to it, I just really didn't want to. I didn't particularly want reassurance that I could switch, I wanted help to carry on breastfeeding!

I've struggled with both of mine. With DD1 I had to pump for almost 3 months before she would latch, and DD2 mangled my nipples in the first few weeks, but I've gone on to feed both successfully and enjoyed it a lot, and it was very important to me to breastfeed. If it's also important to you then carry on with what you are doing, get as much face to face help as you can manage, and just make it through this bit. A previous poster got criticised for saying she promised it gets easier, so I won't say I promise but I am almost entirely sure it will get better for you within the next couple of weeks. Sometimes it just takes baby growing a bit and more practice and one day you'll realise that it doesn't hurt or that baby latched on without you needing to help and you just go from there.

There's never any shame in stopping but if it's important to you to continue then know that the first bit is the worst, you've already come so far, and in a few weeks' time things could well be entirely different.

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 14:49

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 13:47

🥱

Night night

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 14:50

Thankfully your breastfeeding militance is well and truly in the minority on this thread

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 14:50

But I suspect you were overtired perhaps

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 16:29

You still prattling on? Now I know why you’re called good grief. It’s probably said to you a lot when you’re prattling on 😂 Good grief woman stfu 🤫

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 20/12/2022 05:43

She's being weighed this morning, eep! Terrified all this choking on formula won't have made a difference.
We're now using teats for premature babies and she still gags and coughs! Why?!

I'm pumping and breastfeeding and taking it a few days at a time. I just wish I could turn back time and redo the last few weeks, there is so much I'd do differently. I just assumed as she was feeding so much and having loads of nappies that she was OK. Why didn't all the advice include the basics like "offer both boobs each time"?!

OP posts:
Curiosity101 · 20/12/2022 06:56

Fingers crossed for you all today 🤞

It's so tough. For what it's worth, lots of people do block feed successfully and there are up sides to it (longer break for your nipples between feeds!). But I have always fed from both sides every feed. My routine in the first few days was feed from both sides and then offer an ounce or two of formula (jaundiced baby). My friend always alternated sides though 🤷 so it can work fine for some people.

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 06:56

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 19/12/2022 16:29

You still prattling on? Now I know why you’re called good grief. It’s probably said to you a lot when you’re prattling on 😂 Good grief woman stfu 🤫

A touch ironic! 😂

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 06:59

Op I have just read the thread.

I can’t promise your breastfeeding situation will improve and it would be irresponsible and daft of me to do so.

what I can do is reassure you that by the time your new baby is a child, this will seem a distant dark memory and you will come across threads like this on mumsnet and it will be you posting that the new mum shouldn’t worry about it and that your child/children is healthy, strong and no worse off for not having been breastfed!

fairgame84 · 20/12/2022 07:01

Has she been assessed for tongue tie? That can be the cause of choking and gagging. It caused all sorts of problems with DD, she's been a different baby since it was cut.

I found the advice on breastfeeding shocking. We got given the 'mothers and others' leaflet at the booking appoinyment which was great but then every support worker gave different advice. I knew to offer both sides as I'm trained in breastfeeding due to where I work, however I was told by one support worker to offer only one side and limit the feed time 🙄

Kolakalia · 20/12/2022 08:33

AliceAbsolum · 20/12/2022 05:43

She's being weighed this morning, eep! Terrified all this choking on formula won't have made a difference.
We're now using teats for premature babies and she still gags and coughs! Why?!

I'm pumping and breastfeeding and taking it a few days at a time. I just wish I could turn back time and redo the last few weeks, there is so much I'd do differently. I just assumed as she was feeding so much and having loads of nappies that she was OK. Why didn't all the advice include the basics like "offer both boobs each time"?!

There is a real lack of proper, safe, evidence based guidance on breastfeeding. Every piece of advice I received was along the lines of 'feed on demand and your body will meet baby's needs'. Unfortunately that often isn't the case. My own child starved at the breast and was hospitalised for complications from starvation. Even though I know nothing much was coming out, every midwife I spoke to said I was just anxious and to trust in my body. Doesn't always work the way it's 'supposed' to but of course unless someone tells you that you don't know, and even when you're aware something is wrong the advice is often pointless 'keep going!'