5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

@AliceAbsolum have you looked into safe co sleeping? It's not as safe as sleeping in a cot but better than you falling asleep holding her. You need to be sober, not smoking and send DH elsewhere to sleep. No pillows anywhere the baby and duvet away from baby too. Lie baby in the middle of mattress so there's no chance of her falling off. Lie on your side, boob out, latch baby on, sleep.

When my son was born I really struggled with BF and it hurt a lot. Can you ring your health visitor? Mine arranged a visit to come and see me and my baby and helped me Learn a about latch etc.
without their help I wouldn’t have been able to carry on. There is a lot of bf support out there.
but if it’s not for you there is nothing wrong with formula either

Pop some breast milk on the finger, it'll help the infection.

It is definitely easier. No carrying bottles around with you and I lost weight too with bf 😂
not to mention all the money you save 😳
but it isn’t for everyone and nobody should feel guilty if they can’t/don’t want to do it

Hey OP, I haven’t read all the replies but I’ve read your posts.
My son is a teenager now but I remember the difficulty, pain, exhaustion and haze of the first few weeks. It’s bloody hard.
i breast fed but also had problems with latching, to the point my nipples were bleeding at one point (about a week or so in). I was also exhausted with round the clock feeding and my son was screaming because the milk was bloody. At that point we added formula. My husband mixed it, gave it to our hungry son, who guzzled it and was much happier. I fell asleep and got a break.
From then on we blended the feeding - I persevered with breast feeding with the help of a local clinic where they helped us with latching properly, but every day my son had one formula bottle. It really eased the pressure, meant my husband could feed him too, and I knew for the future (nursery, baby sitting) he wouldn’t be 100% dependent on me. However I also came to love breast feeding as once we “got the hang of it,” it was very convenient, with no equipment, washing, hassle etc! It was a marvel how my body would adjust to more or less appetite etc.
i carried on to about 7 months. I went back to work at 6 months and it was harder after that.
The thing is, overall, you don’t expect it to be so hard, but it can be, and unless you get targeted help at the right time, it can be very easy to give up. I was grateful for that clinic. I also think blending is really easy to do and allows you a compromise that means you could carry on. Having said that, you do you, and in years to come, having a happy healthy baby and happy healthy mother is far more important than anything else.

Pumping is awful. It used to stress me out so much when nothing came out. But I fed my two through to 10-11 months so clearly they didn’t starve - even though from the results of pumping you’d think that’s what would happen.

If you want to keep going please try to see a breast feeding advisor - can make a massive difference!

True. People are always falling over themselves to comment on what other mothers SHOULD be doing. This completely fails to take into account the fact that circumstances differ, and babies differ.

You are doing the best possible thing for your baby in your particular set of circumstances. In the end that's what most mums want.

I topped up with an ounce of formula after each feed and told my infant feeding team I would only pump once a day as I couldn’t handle triple feeding. The formula got her back on track weight wise, I got a bit of sleep, I recovered from birth and once she was consistently gaining we did every other feed topped up, then 1-2 top ups a day and then fully off them.

formula is amazing. It can save your breastfeeding journey. It’s a tool you can use while you recover. I had a 1 litre blood loss. My milk was always going to be delayed while my body prioritised increasing my blood volume.

Oh OP...I was in your exact position a few weeks ago. My DD2 was readmitted with 13% weight loss on day 7, so we started triple feeding (breastfeed, pump, top up) in hospital and it almost killed me. It just isn't sustainable and your wellbeing is crucial here. In the end I pretty much stopped the pumping, breastfed before every feed and topped up with formula. With a lot of support from lactation consultant at the hospital and Laleche on telephone we have been able to continue mixed feeding and it's now going well. I took each feed at a time and also had some benchmarks like getting to 6 weeks and then stop...but things improved so I kept going! I was also told that just 50ml of breastmilk per day has significant health benefits for baby, and this also spurred me on.

If you want to stop breastfeeding though you don't need anyone's permission and your baby will thrive on being fed and loved.

We were also the same with dd2 only sleeping on our chests. Can you do shifts with DH so you both get a chunk of sleep? I tried to go to bed at 8pm-12am then took over from DH. Eventually DD2 would lie down next to me (on her side), so at least I could lie down and rest.

It is all about survival now but I promise will get better. Dd2 is now 11 weeks and is having some short naps in the cot and 30mins at the start of the night, but she is starting to self settle in there. We still do shifts and then I co sleep from 11/12am until 7am.

Feel free to pm me if you like as we tried all sorts over the past few weeks, but thing will honestly get better. It is so hard, my dd1 was a breeze compared to this!

I've been breastfeeding and topping up with formula for nearly 10 weeks. Much easier than pumping. We've had a difficult start due to tongue tie.
We also had the thing where she would only sleep on us.
We also had 2 fingernail infections in the first 4 weeks.

It gets better, I promise. Just do what you need to get you through this stage. There's nothing wrong with formula top ups. I was advised to do ebm top ups but i prioritised sleep over pumping.

So so sorry to hear this after all your hard work! I really feel for you! I had EXACTLY this and it was soul destroying to hear.
I may have missed it if its already been written in the thread. But, has baby been checked for Tongue tie??
Midwives, HV's and Doctors are fantastic, but there are types of tongue ties (posterior tongue ties) that are extremely easy for even them to miss and when missed can ruin a breastfeeding journey (Saying this as a HV who has left the profession)!

I would strongly advise you see a lactation specialist if your area has one, as they would be able to assess and refer your baby if they had a tongue tie! Although nhs waits for tongue tie division are a bit of a joke presently! Months in some cases!
If you're in the financial position too, you can pay privately (around £200) to have them assessed and treated (within a day or two)- worth its wait in gold IMPO!

I hope youre getting all the support you can, because it sounds like you're having a right old time of it!
If you need any advice, feel free to private message me!
Good luck!

My first born was tiny and just couldn’t latch so after a very emotional tiring week with a hungry baby I used formula and bottle fed. Do what is right for you, your mental and physical wellbeing and do so guilt free. If you bottle feed your baby will be absolutely fine.

Try following Cosleepy on Instagram for how to sleep more safely with the baby on you.

Stay strong and don't beat yourself up! Many years for me, but I found it took well over a weeksnd then was suddenly easier. Has your milk come in properly? Because fir me that dudnt happen til at least day 5, so up to then ig is just a hard slog.
FWIW, I BF two babies for varying lengths of time and used dummies from birth with both of them. I think midwives are so desperate to increase women breastfeeding that they give you this long lust of things you cant do, like using dummies, and they make it so restrictive that it puts people off.

I would say try to manage a few more days if you can, because 5 days in was the worst time for me. But if you need to give a bottle for the odd feed (yes you can still do that) or switch to bottle completely if it suits your needs.

And remember that although this seems like s massive deal right now, in the scheme of things its not. You love uour baby and your baby will love you regardless of how you feed them.

Thank you everyone.

Now she won't take a bottle! Keeps spitting it out and gagging and refusing to open her mouth. As if this wasn't all stressful enough.

Don't know what we are going to do if this continues

If I am honest I would of given up on BF with my first because I found getting it established tough. However, he refused the bottle and any formula I got into him he didn’t keep it down.
The tiredness is brutal especially and your hormones are still all over the place. It’s hard to remember to look after making sure you are getting enough to eat and drink.
My second lost 11% weight at one stage and we got him back on track without formula with advice from lactation consultant. He was a bottle refuser too.

It could be that the teat flow is too fast.
Are you paced bottle feeding? If not that will help.

It doesn't have to BF or formula you can combi feed. She'll be fed, you'll know she's fed, everyone can relax and you can then keep trying the latch. My LO is 9 months and our feeding journey has been tricky but Im really glad I persevered. It's just such a nice bonding thing. Anytime she's stressed or hurt boobs are the magic fix. Increased immunity against illnesses, helps them when they are ill, I could go on and on. Whilst long term it won't make much difference in short term I think it makes life much easier to BF but summpliment with formula. Good luck whatever you do x

Well done. I am only lasted just over 24 hours. Wasn’t for me.

OK I just read all your posts. Get to that La Leche meeting and if you can afford see a lactation consultant and tounge tie specialist ASAP. I think it's really concerning she's neither latching nor taking bottle maybe she has tounge tie and can't. NHS is terrible for dealing with this, it was totally missed with us until we saw a private consultant.

She is latching really well now. Sometimes she goes to the breast for 15 - 20 mins and she cluster feeds.
Loads of wet and dirty nappies, alert, good colour. My boobs drip milk. She feeds every 2 hours or more. Literally no idea why she's dropping weight day after day.

Could you try using nipple shields until your baby masters latching? I used them with my prem twins and once they had got the hang of latching I was able to stop using the shields but the babies still fed well. FWIW, I used shields, dummies and a bottle if expressed milk overnight, and there was never any nipple confusion, so don't be afraid to introduce something like that if you think it might help.

If she's refusing top ups, ask them if they would consider prescribing breast milk fortifier shots rather than formula.
She might just be too full for a top up if you've got loads of milk and she's on for 20 minutes.

Yay @AliceAbsolum

She will probably be fine now in that case, that sounds very promising 🙂

That all sounds really positive. It’s normal for babies to drop some birth weight: slate.com/human-interest/2019/04/cribsheet-newborn-infant-birth-weight.html