5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

At 10% weight lost, we were sent to hospital and the doctors gently told me to top up, and for some reason having that ‘permission’ helped me greatly.

That sounds like you may have received some dubious advice there Op. There's no point expressing in your situation, you are better off letting the baby suck, unless it physically can't. You will always get less out expressing than a baby can get. Some people never manage to express any. I successfully fed two babies and never got anything with a pump, despite a lot of trying.

It's normal for babies to want to feed a lot at this age, like sometimes for a long time, dozing off for short periods then wanting more.

Don't despair, but do get some decent advice, get baby checked for tongue tie, get her on the boob as often as she wants. If necessary (if advised due to weight loss) you can top up with formula in the short term until you get things sorted.

I think 10% weight loss is considered acceptable anyway?

I empathise totally with the pai and constant attachment. In the early days i used a stress toy in the orher hand to try and counter the pain and I'm sure his first word will be fuck due to the amount of swearing! If it is something you really want- get belligerent about it and find support. Find a local lactation consultant, get her checked for a tongue tie, join online support groups. It's not easy and it does hurt - but it will get easier. All babies lose weight as breastfeeding starts - do not feel guilty about that. So long as she is pooping and weeing and isn't dehydrated she is getting enough. Health care professionals tend to get hung up on stats and targets. You are her mother - you will know if she's underfed. Even if she is sucking on nothing this will still be useful as it stimulates your supply and provides her comfort.

Pumping can also provide rest and recovery time for you. I've had days where he's been fed on expressed milk as my nipples needed a break.

The early days are a blur of milk, pain, blood and tears. You are doing an amazing job and if you decide it isn't for you, embrace formula as a long lost friend. I couldn't breastfeed my eldest 2 and am feeding my third. There are pros and gons to both but my older DC have not suffered from being exclusively formula fed. I'm loving being able to feed my third. Fed is best though. A stressed mother is not good for anyone. And remember this doesn't have to be all oneborvthe other, mixed feeding is also an option.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking a decision that is right for your family.

The breastfeeding pages on here can be really useful as well.

Whatever you decide - you've got this. You are incredible!

As the person above said, pumping is no indicator of supply. Milk prodiction is a hormonal response to baby sucking. I breastfed 2 DC well into toddlerhood and never managed to express much. If you feel stressed or under pressure you're even less likely to be able to express.

If baby is generally alert, content after feeding and has plenty of wet and dirty nappies those are the best indicators that they're getting enough.

It took my DD just over a week to get the hang of latching on. Then she carried on making me sore for the first month or so. If it wasn't for her twin feeding like a pro from day one and keeping my milk going, I'd have probably given up. However, once she got the hang of it it was so much easier! Only you know if you want to persevere or switch. It's your baby, feed however works best for you and don't beat yourself up about it. Fed and happy is most important, including you

Pumping is literally no indication of your supply. Baby is much better at removing milk than a pump.

If you have the means to do so and you're determined to keep breastfeeding I'd really suggest buying some support from an IBCLC. You shouldn't have to pay privately for appropriate support but it's there.

If you want to carry on bf, then seek advice on your latch from your midwife, the NCT or La Leche League. There is help out there. Or you could give up bf and start to bottle feed.

See www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding/positioning-and-attachment/

Don't worry about not being able to express. I breastfed two babies for 9 months each and was never able to express milk, or ever leaked milk. But the babies grew!

Echo what others have said about expressing. Wet and dirty nappies are key. If you can afford it get a specialist midwife to check for tongue tie. Make sure you do the exercises they give you. Then speak to an IBCLC lactation consultant about latch, positioning, and galactologues (if necessary). It all still sounds fairly normal. If too stressful you have permission to switch to formula! Baby will be fine.

Your baby wouldn't carry on sucking if there was no milk.
A baby can remove milk so much better than a pump. I've had nothing on the pump at times but there's definitely milk as my baby has possited it back straight after a feed.

Keep going, it gets easier I promise. It’s a skill that both mum and baby need to learn. The longer you do it, the easier it gets. I ebf both my kids until they were between 2-3 years old. After a couple of months you can do it standing on your head. It might be worth visiting a lactation specialist, but even if you don’t it will get easier. The health benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula, it is a huge decision to make and one that far too many mothers take far too lightly. The good bacteria that grows in the digestive system the baby can only get from human breastmilk, and by 1 year old all the good, essential bacteria that is in the baby’s stomach is all they’ll ever have for the rest of their lives. It’s so important to build this up whilst you can. I would recommend every woman to breastfeed for a minimum of 6 months, ideally 12months or more.

If you want to carry on breastfeeding get some support. La Leche were brilliant at helping me. You can give formula as well as breastfeed so if you want to keep going maybe do formula when it's hardest and breast when you are more rested? Pace bottle feeding is a good technique as it tries to imitate breastfeeding. It is very tough especially the first few weeks

I’d consider doing a weighted feed to see how much she’s transferring. Also pump education in the uk is crap. You have to a)have the right size flange for your nipple and b) know how to utilise the let down and pump settings. There’s people on Instagram I followed to learn this. The flanges that came with my pump were huge on me and my output was terrible.

Also triple feeding (topping up with pumped milk) isn’t for the faint hearted and should only be a short term solution. There’s nothing wrong with tipping up with formula either as your supply catches up. Get a game plan together with your lactation consultant.

Sorry to hear that Op!

As others have said it would be fine to top up but you may not need to worry too much. They are actually supposed to lose 10% of their body weight to begin with as they arrive full of prenatal gunk.

I understand why doctors suggest topping up if it's more than 10% loss. However DD2 was in this situation and because it was the second time round I was fairly confident we would be ok so I ignored the advice for a bit and just kept on with what we were doing, she is now 82nd percentile 🤣

I was in your exact position, I actually wrote posts on here about it at my peak exhaustion. I was at breaking point more than once. Before she was born I set myself the goal of 6 months. It was so difficult and demanding and there were nights I just lay there feeding feeling like a broken woman and being so angry DH was sleeping peacefully next to me.

I thought of what I needed to help me which was decent sleep. So I ended up moving to a bottle of formula for her last feed and honestly it helped so much. It lengthened her sleep time and DH was able to do the putdown. I ended up giving her a bottle when I was really tired or just needed a break but breastfed most of the time. Supply was fine as I still BF mostly and one extra bottle on one day was fine. Eventually moved to using a bottle for the middle of the night feed and when she had gained enough weigh and really established feeding I slowly lowered the amount and she started sleeping through the night.

I did make it to 6 months and was really proud to have got that far. Switched to formula now as she has started solids and I'll be heading back to work in Jan. I will say it's much easier but there are days and times when I really miss breastfeeding and that time with her. My advice would be that feeding needs to work for you and your baby. There is no shame in introducing formula for a feed or two or all if that's what you prefer. But if you want to keep breastfeeding, you can definitely can.

Day 10 weigh in and she's now lost 11% So we have to top up with formula. Really upset about it :(
It was hard work breastfeeding let alone adding in pumping and formula.
I'm on my knees this morning

So sorry you've arrived here after all your efforts Alice, but you know, this is absolutely fine. You've already given your baby a fantastic start, but all the determination in the world won't work if your baby isn't gaining weight.

In your position I'd do exactly the same; there is no real alternative. That's what formula is for. You've given it your best shot, please don't beat yourself up! (Although we mums seem to be really good at doing that).

You sound exhausted. I hope you have some support on the ground that will enable you to get some rest. At least now the uncertainty is over and you know what you need to do to progress.

It will be fine

@AliceAbsolum I was in this position 10 years ago. My DS had to be taken back to the hospital because he lost too much weight. I felt like such a failure because they said I had to top up with formula. I topped him up after every BF, it was really hard work. However, we kept mixed feeding and I fed him until 15 months and it was lovely. That being said, if you want to give up then do it. It's not important in the grand scheme of things and the negatives of ff are massively mitigated by the fact you have access to clean water and sterilizing equipment.
Are you ok? How are you feeling? Xxx

Honestly think id be responding better to all this if I could get some sleep. Trouble is she won't sleep in the cot and DH is knackered too. Scared about falling asleep on the sofa.

She also has an infected finger nail, waiting for a call back from the GP

@AliceAbsolum As if having a 10 day old isn't tough enough 😞.

It'd be easy for us to say don't be upset because there's nothing wrong with formula/combi feeding/giving up breastfeeding etc. But we're potentially making assumptions, so I just wanted to check which bit's upsetting you?

Regarding pump output. Have you had someone who's experienced with pumping help you get set up? Or watched any videos from experienced pumpers? There are a large number of reasons that can lead to no output from a pump, many of them can be resolved with help.

My main bit of advice is to not do this alone. Keep reaching out to a local breastfeeding/pumping groups, Facebook groups can often be a great source of local support. Also get more support from La Leche etc if you can. A problem shared is a problem halved, especially when it's being shared with someone who can physically offer you help. Mumsnet is great, but it's also virtual.

In the meantime, formula top ups will probably help as they'll ensure your baby's energy levels stay high whilst you're both figuring out breastfeeding (assuming you're wanting to continue).

Pumping isn't representative of what a baby nursing gets. Also I thought a 10% weight loss in the first week or so is completely normal for a BF baby.

NHS BFing support is rubbish - for all the official policy of encouraging BFing they give very little practical support or advice and are very quick to recommend formula. If you want to try BF successfully you need to be proactive and go to BFing clinics in the area if you have one. The Kellymon website is an excellent resource too. At this stage, it's basically as much skin to skin and suckling as possible to encourage milk production.

I found that the first couple of weeks of BFing were the toughest. Then it gets easier and at 2-3 months there was no way I would have considered the hassle of bottles and formula when I had an easy and free way of feeding my baby. That said, only yu can judge how much "trying" is good for you and your baby, and if it's getting too much for either of you swtiching to formula is 100% a good choice for everyone involved. No shame in that in the slightest.

Don't be upset OP. You are doing your best. There is nothing wrong with giving your baby what they need!!!

You can still breastfeed. The baby still gets all the benefits. I felt so guilty when I introduced a bottle of formula but combined feeding ended up being the best of both worlds for me.

Thanks everyone. I just had no idea it would be this hard

Oh and, for what it's worth (and being a huge BFing fan, feeding both my kids till they were over 2), there is no way I would pump to feed the baby for any length of time (if you are doing it for encourage milk, skin to skin and letting baby suckle as much as it will is much better). Formula is a perfectly fine choice, and I have seen so many mums really wreck themselves stressing over pumping on top of everything else.