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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

352 replies

AliceAbsolum · 10/12/2022 01:22

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

OP posts:
nalabae · 16/12/2022 03:40

Go ahead

HungryandIknowit · 16/12/2022 05:52

Based on your latest update is sounds like you don't need to worry. Normal for babies to lose weight at the beginning.

Gremlinsateit · 16/12/2022 06:50

That sounds great @AliceAbsolum and if she continues with at least 6 fully wet nappies a day you will soon see weight gain. Be prepared for the 2-3 week growth spurt when she will want to nurse constantly, then again at 6 weeks and 3 months. Do you have any family or friends who can help support you when DP is at work?

nobodygirl2023 · 16/12/2022 07:32

I'd agree with a lot of the other posters. I only lasted 4 days before switching to formula. Tbh I was very emotional and sensitive about stopping for a long time, felt guilty and really regretted my decision to stop - I really felt like I was missing out on something really important and over time the sterilising, preparing bottles etc became a bit of a slog not to mention expensive. However....

I think my mental health did benefit from switching to formula due to getting more sleep. DH didn't do night feeds once he was back at work but the stretches between feeds were much longer on formula (every 3 hours) - she would feed 8pm, 11pm, 2am, 5am and 7/8am...she gradually stopped waking up for 11pm one, then the 2am one went. By 4 months she mostly slept from 8pm to 5am.

She did go through phases periodically of wanting to be held all the time (she's 2.5 now and still wakes up wanting cuddled back to sleep).

Agree wholeheartedly with poster who said not to pressure yourself to enjoy this stage, I felt like this too but it's really just about survival for a while.

One tip I have if you do switch is to get little one used to occasional ready to feed formula early on - they are a god send for night feeds & for out and about. I have friends who didn't do this right away and their little ones wouldn't accept the readymade stuff. It's expensive but it's helpful.

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 16/12/2022 09:57

I just want to say that whatever you do, bottle or breast, you’re a great mum. You’re doing a brilliant job. You clearly love your baby very much and they mean the world to you. They are safe, warm, loved and fed. You’re doing a great job mama, I hope it all gets a little easier for you. Have a wonderful first Christmas snuggled up with your bub.

LadyWhistledownsPen · 16/12/2022 10:09

If you feel you need to stop them do it. Your mental health and wellbeing matter too. I tried to breastfeed for 8 weeks with my first because I thought I "had" to do it and I felt I needed someone's permission to stop. I almost ended up suicidal I hated it that much, I did end up on anti-depressants and had counselling. When I did stop it was a huge relief and we were all much happier. Bottles aren't that much faff either. MAM self sterilising ones are great, bung in the microwave for three mins. Perfect Prep machine and the bottles done in a few mins or you can use ready made formula and a flask if your out and about and baby only likes it warmed.

Blocked · 16/12/2022 10:35

I remember all of this so well. Hope she gains some weight soon. How is everything today?

Curiosity101 · 16/12/2022 11:30

@AliceAbsolum Your update sounds great. You may well find she starts gaining now if she's latching well, feeding well and you've got plenty of milk. The speed at which your supply can increase in the first few weeks after having a baby is insane.

If I were you - I'd probably consider weighing her twice a day at home. In theory, you shouldn't weigh a baby that regularly as their weight fluctuates the same as ours - for example weighing them after a big wee/poop will make a measurable difference compared to before. But if you're consistent about the time of day you weigh and always do it with a brand-new nappy (or always do it nappy less) it should help you to see a trend in her weight over the next few days and give you an idea of what direction she's going in.

There's lots of different ways to weigh them (have a google for ideas), although baby scales can often be picked up from Facebook marketplace pretty cheap.

EndlessRain1 · 16/12/2022 12:47

Twice daily weghing sounds so stressful! No way would I do that.

If she's latching better now, excellent! I wonder if you have the time/ ability to take a little baby break. Spend a couple of days in bed with your baby, topless/ in a nappy and just have loads of cuddles, naps and feeds together. Make sure you have plenty of snakc/ drinks and something to keep you entertained. I did that in the early day and found it really increased supply.

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 16/12/2022 13:41

She started to take a bottle overnight which was a huge relief. Spoke to the midwives this morning and they said 90ml after she has fed at the breast is insane ( was told 90 by a hca) and 30ml is fine. So that's really taken the pressure off.
They've referred us to the infant feeding team and I'm going to start domperidone.

Trying to do lots of cuddles and skin to skin today

OP posts:
HelsyQ · 16/12/2022 13:44

AliceAbsolum · 10/12/2022 01:22

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

That’s fine babe ❤️ Give her a bottle and get some sleep.

Happy Mum = Happy Baby regardless of how their fed.

Comtesse · 16/12/2022 14:01

You are doing ok. Your baby is doing ok. Get loads of snacks and a big drink and hang out on the sofa. Keep trucking ♥️

Wronglane · 16/12/2022 18:25

Glad things are getting better. I mixed expressed bottle feeding with breast and it’s the perfect solution as partner can do night feeds and you can go out!

Bunchymcbunchface · 16/12/2022 18:48

I never even tried. It was a firm no from me.
you do you and what’s best for your life.
x

MotherOfCatBoy · 16/12/2022 20:02

I should have said, when we added in a bottle when we were desperate, my husband fed my son because he wouldn’t take a bottle from me at first. He could smell milk and wanted boob and screamed the house down. With DH he twigged there was no alternative so he took the bottle. After a few days he was fine with a bottle from either of us.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/12/2022 20:09

I'd go to formula without a qualm.

MamaFirst · 16/12/2022 20:13

@AliceAbsolum Not sure if this has been said already, but not being able to express doesn't mean you aren't producing enough milk. Also bear in mind breast milk and formula are not comparable ml for ml, they aren't expected to be the same volume if you are going between them.

Are they checking babies weight regularly? Lots of wet and dirty nappies is a great sign. My first was jaundice and I felt that same sick failure feeling when he lost and lost again, but then he picked up and gained really well.

It sounds like you've worked really hard through the first problematic stage and it's going well now, fingers crossed baby has turned a corner and starts regaining 🤞

Isthisexpected · 16/12/2022 22:50

It sounds like you've worked really hard through the first problematic stage and it's going well now, fingers crossed baby has turned a corner and starts regaining 🤞

Absolutely. Well done OP!

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 17/12/2022 12:37

She's still not taking a bottle properly. Seeing the paediatrician this afternoon

OP posts:
Aria999 · 17/12/2022 14:35

Some babies just don't like bottles.

I did a mixture of bottles and breast with DS no problem but nothing I could do would induce DD to drink from a bottle, I think we managed it about 1.5 times then she spat it out and never did it again.

Richtea67 · 17/12/2022 15:34

AliceAbsolum · 17/12/2022 12:37

She's still not taking a bottle properly. Seeing the paediatrician this afternoon

You could try a SNS? I could never get on with one but I know they have been helpful for some...

Goodgrief82 · 18/12/2022 12:22

Giraffesandbottoms · 10/12/2022 19:48

It will never cease to amaze, baffle, horrify and sadden me that we, as mammals, give our baby anything other than our own milk. It’s so fucking idiotic. Imagine a dog harvesting milk from a cow to feed its puppy? I can’t quite get my head around it. It really is a testament to the stupid society we built over the last hundreds of years with wet nurses in the Victorian times as feeding was “improper” for upper classes, with the introduction of formula etc and total lack of help and support to mothers.

this isn’t a pop at people using formula btw - I get why we are where we are. I see why people do it. I just think it’s utterly batshit/against human nature.

It will never amaze, baffle, horrify and sadden me that women choose to have multiple children with inconsiderate and selfish twats. But according to your recent thread, you did just that.

so how about channeling your horror that we, as mammals, give our baby anything other than our own milk about your own situation? @Giraffesandbottoms

op, how are you?

Goodgrief82 · 18/12/2022 12:28

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 14/12/2022 12:07

Keep going, it gets easier I promise. It’s a skill that both mum and baby need to learn. The longer you do it, the easier it gets. I ebf both my kids until they were between 2-3 years old. After a couple of months you can do it standing on your head. It might be worth visiting a lactation specialist, but even if you don’t it will get easier. The health benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula, it is a huge decision to make and one that far too many mothers take far too lightly. The good bacteria that grows in the digestive system the baby can only get from human breastmilk, and by 1 year old all the good, essential bacteria that is in the baby’s stomach is all they’ll ever have for the rest of their lives. It’s so important to build this up whilst you can. I would recommend every woman to breastfeed for a minimum of 6 months, ideally 12months or more.

How can you “promise it will get easier”?

I would recommend every woman to breastfeed for a minimum of 6 months, ideally 12months or more.

I would recommend the arrogance!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/12/2022 12:58

All this sounds really rough. I hope it gets easier soon.

Verilyshallhebellowfourth · 18/12/2022 20:39

You don’t need to try and pass on the chip you have on your shoulder. That’s your problem to deal with 😉