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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
NoHunsHereHun · 09/12/2022 19:33

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 09/12/2022 19:24

See also deck.
What's wrong with a feckin power point presentation?

A PP is a deck of slides (informational cards). Aka slide deck. Ergo, a deck.
😮at due diligence being ‘made up’.

OmiOmy · 09/12/2022 19:33

If you're not doing software development then I don't know wtf it's supposed to be.

Unfortunately, it's coming out of the software development cage and going wild.

FB546 · 09/12/2022 19:34

Are you going to 'reach out' to James? No I'll phone him like normal people do. Gah.

808Kate1 · 09/12/2022 19:34

Just reaching out to ask if we can circle back on this thread please. It needs some serious wordsmithing if we want to go forward.

MilkyYay · 09/12/2022 19:34

Oh god, someone at my work bangs on about where they have stored ‘assets’. They mean images, for social media. Makes me die inside.

Is the person a member of the finance or tax team? Those things are, by definition in accountancy, assets. Intangible assets if you are being specific.

I haven't actually seen a single piece of truly meaningless corporate speak on thus thread from the bit I've read so far! Due diligence is a well understood, clearly defined term in law/accountancy/tax.

Just because you don't understand certain technical terms, doesnt mean they are meaningless to specialists.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2022 19:34

'Agile' and 'sprint' can add something if you're developing software and you have the sort of product and development environment and tools which fit the methodology.

If you don't know what I just said then, you're in an organization which is just using them as wanky buzzwords and should stop it.

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:36

@MilkyYay
are you on a journey
moving forward, have a daily drum beat!

Tali5ker · 09/12/2022 19:36

@ErrolTheDragon and @Willmafrockfit

agile is a methodology. It doesn’t just apply to software development, but that’s where it started.

not going to comment on its usefulness, or otherwise, but it is definitely a thing- like Kanban, Kaizen and Lean Six Sigma.

Whatnextarghhhhhh · 09/12/2022 19:36

due diligence

Due diligence is an actual thing.

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:36

i only know Agile in reference to agile working,
when i asked, it means working from home some of the time!

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2022 19:36

I haven't actually seen a single piece of truly meaningless corporate speak on thus thread from the bit I've read so far! Due diligence is a well understood, clearly defined term in law/accountancy/tax.

The problem is (at least in part) people using proper terms inappropriately.

TriciaMcMillan · 09/12/2022 19:37

I'm sure I've shared this on a similar thread before, but I still remember my horror/hilarity when I overheard DH in discussion with our then 5 year old after some sort of incident.

He'd done the 'now you must not hit your little brother with a stickle brick/smear houmous up the radiator/try and shave the cat with a spatula' and was following up with what was appropriate in terms of future behaviour. From the other room all I heard was,

'Now look DS, moving forward I expect...'

I think my face, as I peered round the door at him, said everything.

Tali5ker · 09/12/2022 19:38

Sorry @ErrolTheDragon I misunderstood, I thought you genuinely didn’t know.

We use some elements of it, and I don’t work in software. I find the sprint concept really helpful for getting better consistency of work pace from my team.

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 09/12/2022 19:39

My DP uses "piece" in a really weird way. Not work related but like "I think the roadworks at x junction piece is..." Or, in Covid times, "I think the Tiers / SD / masks in Tesco's piece is..." I think he means "idea" or "event". Hate it. When he uses it it makes the "D" drop off DP 😟

blackandwhitecat123 · 09/12/2022 19:39

The tent one is terrible! I assumed PP was talking about some sort of corporate training thing, we did one where we had to erect a tent with most of the team blindfolded. Apparently it was meant to improve our communication skills.

We did another one that involved watching a video of these fishmongers who engage customers by dancing with the fish and performing fishy tricks. We then had to create a mind map of how we could 'inject fun' into our very dull jobs a la the fishmongers. My mother did the same training and does a very serious job involving complaints made against healthcare providers where you would expect fish-juggling to be an inappropriate workplace aspiration.

AgentProvocateur · 09/12/2022 19:39

Someone actually said ‘open the kimono’ on a call I was on last week. I had to turn my camera off so they wouldn’t see my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

Treesuphooray · 09/12/2022 19:39

Arrghh! ‘Space’. We had an interloper from corporate world into our health focused training team for a while. She kept talking about the ‘learning and development space’ and ‘talent’. I kept asking if she meant an actual or imaginary space. She happily went back to corporate world;having achieved absolutely nothing. She ridiculed my process based thinking. Yes , health things do require processes (or we could just make up how to treat people, sure that would be fine!).

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 09/12/2022 19:39

The 'takeaway' from this blah blah

Oh fuck off will you

daisychain01 · 09/12/2022 19:39

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:26

oh agree
agile !
what is that!

Agile has been around for at least 2 decades.

It's a method used to deliver software development projects. Instead of delivering the whole software projectwhich csn be slow and inefficient, it's delivered in releases so it's quicker and easier to test and release into use.

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:40

no @daisychain01
not in my line of work it isnt

MrsMontyD · 09/12/2022 19:41

While we were adapting to WFH in the first lockdown a colleague announced he'd "curated a space for us to share resources" - he'd set up a very basic spreadsheet on a shared drive 😂

Due diligence as made up wankspeak though 🙄 blimey !!

Piece has been driving me crazy for probably the last 9 years, it infiltrated my sector via overpaid private sector consultants and colleagues wanting to sound like they understood them.

JMAngel1 · 09/12/2022 19:41

Oh god, I call it out every time - does not make me popular 😁

Someone used "solutionize" the other day and I said "I'm sorry, is that even a word?" !

I also hate "the ask". Raaaaage!

colourmebladd · 09/12/2022 19:41

I’ve not heard the piece (yet!) but one of the managers says ‘carbon me in’ about emails, instead of copy me in. It sounds so pretentious.

blackandwhitecat123 · 09/12/2022 19:42

808Kate1 · 09/12/2022 19:34

Just reaching out to ask if we can circle back on this thread please. It needs some serious wordsmithing if we want to go forward.

Wordsmithing makes me truly furious. I'm a commercial writer and every single job ad says they're looking for a 'wordsmith.' I've also seen a troubling number of ads saying they're looking for a 'total rockstar.' 😡

JMAngel1 · 09/12/2022 19:42

Ooh and Sprint - seems to apply to any prioritised project - just bloody say that!!

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