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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 09/12/2022 19:24

I would like to know what a shallow dive and a deep dive is because when they've been used they don't match what I think they should mean.

7Worfs · 09/12/2022 19:24

SomeSix · 09/12/2022 19:19

There is plenty of low hanging fruit here but we can't let everyone into the tent. Let's take it offline.

Lol, haven’t heard the one about the tent, what is it supposed to mean?

We had a similar thread some time ago, a poster said her DH makes up stupid jargon and drops it in meetings, then watches it catch on. There was a really funny one about dinosaurs I think…

Goawayangryman · 09/12/2022 19:24

See if I heard anyone talking about the piece, I'd immediately think, ringpiece.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 09/12/2022 19:24

See also deck.
What's wrong with a feckin power point presentation?

YomAsalYomBasal · 09/12/2022 19:24

"Onboarding" makes me die of cringe

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:25

oh road map
someone asked me about this a time ago, i have never forgotten!
she learnt it from the government covid !

Claudia84 · 09/12/2022 19:25

I'm always trying to bring people on the journey I am.

I think we all know deep down that it's awful. It's just embedded now.

Embed is probably wanky too.

curiousbanana · 09/12/2022 19:25

It's AGILE that makes me want to chin people at my office.

Agile my fat saggy arse.

pastypirate · 09/12/2022 19:26

Throughput

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:26

oh agree
agile !
what is that!

LaQuern · 09/12/2022 19:26

'Piece' has been gripping my shit for over 12 years in my company.

It's used less these days thank god, but I've always said the only time you should use 'piece' is when talking about cake.

Burgoo · 09/12/2022 19:27

I don't hear "the piece" in my industry but the whole thing drives me to despair.
These are a few that come up in my area of work:

  1. "work smarter" - give me more resources, we are run ragged and we can't do any more without resources. I don't want to hear your corporate BS!
  2. "moving forward" - much prefer "in the future", don't skirt around the issue. If you want me to do something in the future just say it!
  3. "empower X to..." - this relates to "empowering" employees to do something - no, they do as they are damn well told and don't moan! (partially tongue in cheek here)
  4. "I hope you are well" (in emails) - no you don't. Stop. I don't want your politeness and I don't care if you are well.
  5. "close of play" - are we playing a game of golf!?
  6. "robust" - ergh

Its all nonsense and I hate it. I have a tendency to upset colleagues and managers by calling it out. Saying "what are you actually trying to say? Because I don't have a clue!" normally does the trick.

Also if you ask me a question in an email and I respond with "yes", "no", or "okay" don't get bloody upset about it. Less is much more

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2022 19:27

curiousbanana · 09/12/2022 19:25

It's AGILE that makes me want to chin people at my office.

Agile my fat saggy arse.

Our sprints seem to coalesce into marathons.

SpicyFoodRocks · 09/12/2022 19:27

When our child was in hospital, my husband kept saying stuff like, ‘ the medication piece’, ‘the discharge piece’. I considered divorce.

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:28

moving forward makes me laugh and reminds me of 20/20!

ItsOnlyNovember · 09/12/2022 19:28

The Function.

It's not a function, it's a team. Just call it a fucking team! The vision of the function, makes me want to jump out of the window.

Burgoo · 09/12/2022 19:28

@Willmafrockfit

"oh agree
agile !
what is that!"

Apparently we now need to limber up before a day in the office Angry

LemonDrizzles · 09/12/2022 19:29

Shockhorror22 · 09/12/2022 19:17

DH frequently 'jumps' onto calls. I say nothing.

On a call yes.

But every single pc app says "in" a call.

Why?

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2022 19:29

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:26

oh agree
agile !
what is that!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agilesoftwaree_development

If you're not doing software development then I don't know wtf it's supposed to be.

Burgoo · 09/12/2022 19:30

@ItsOnlyNovember

What is a function? It doesn't even make sense! "The vision of the function"? A function is either an event or something that results from a task (like a reason for doing something). How does a team become a function? It literally doesn''t even fit into any English sentence.

SomeSix · 09/12/2022 19:30

@7Worfs I was about keeping a working group (sic) constrained to those that really needed to be included. Bloody awful.

DomesticShortHair · 09/12/2022 19:31

Saying ‘delta’ rather than ‘difference’.

TedMullins · 09/12/2022 19:31

I heard the worst one I’ve ever heard recently - someone referred to KPIs (which is kind of wanky in itself) as “north stars” with a totally straight face.

also “reporting into” makes me cringe. I am not climbing inside my boss, I’m reporting TO them.

agree on agile, sprint, dynamic and all the other wanky buzzwords that don’t add anything except needless extra layers of nonsense.

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 19:32

and yes to Robust!
where do they meet to come up with these terrible wanky sayings!

Salvia89 · 09/12/2022 19:32

My manager has a “daily drumbeat” with other managers over an important piece of work we’re all currently working on. Kill me

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