Really just feel stitched up being a female - the kids are ultimately my problem

[snowballon]

I don't know why I'm writing. I guess I just feel so alone and there is nothing I can do to change my situation right now.

I'm burning out. I am really just done with it all.

My kids ( 7 months and 3 ) have been sick on and off and out of childcare for almost a month now. My husband has one day off a week and even then, he makes himself busy with house tasks ( which do need to be done to be fair ). He comes home at 8:45-9 pm every day and leaves at 6 am. It's just about bearable when I can send the older one to nursery and the younger one goes to a child minder occasionally so I can go to the gym. I obviously do all night wakings, as my husband's schedule is too full on. Even when he's home though, I try to spare him a bit. He just looks si fed up when holding the baby or playing with the toddler. He needs a break too etc. I get my break apparently, because I can go to the gym. Obviously not lately.

I have not been able to do any of my usual stuff for almost a month. I have just been sat her looking after two sick kids, day and night, basically. Begging for someone to come and help me / visit me. My in laws live close by. My family do not. My in laws come sometimes, but I really need them to come a bit more. Not to help really. I just need some adult company.

I saw MIL and had a crying fit. She didn't seem to sympathetic about it. I'm embarrassed, but it's getting to the point that I can't control when I cry. It happened to me a few months ago, where I would just cry in public and be unable to stop. It's really embarrassing. It's now happened in front of her. She just said to stop crying and to be strong.

I just can't take it anymore. How do people cope ? Why can't I cope ? I just feel like no one understands how hard this is, like, mums just do this ? Now of course, I also feel poorly myself. Both kids constantly need me and screaming for me. I just feel like I've been stitched up. It's always my problem. They're ultimately my responsibility. I would rather go to work. I'm on Mat leave. But I know when I go back, it's still my problem to run the household and look after them, because my husband makes more than me.

I love my babies, but it's killing me. There's no thanks for this, apart from their love. Husband comes home grumpy because sometimes it's a mess and there's no food. I'm at my end.

I lived this for years. I divorced him in the end. We were all much happier (apart from ex who had to earn all his own money and do his own housework once we split).
I have a good job, had down time for a few hours when they saw him and my workload at home plummeted as I think he generated more than the kids.
I'm not saying you should do this, but we only get one life and this will continue to be yours if you stay.
I remember posting stuff like this on mumsnet, and people would say LTB.it took me 3 years to make that decision though.

This is what I meant my earlier post

My 12 stone useless piece of space started to work away Monday to Friday and coincidentally shagging his side piece at the time, but what he did was make me realise just how little he contributed outside of finances and how bloody well I managed without him I had a baby who was 10 months old and three children in private education and managed to juggle the lot and get promoted with him just coming home at weekends, made a mess of the place and adding to the laundry. It was a fairly easy decision in the end.

"Him being in a mood when you ask him to do something is emotional manipulation imo. It's basically the same thing as telling you to jog on. He will know that his mood affects you and what you want to ask from him. He will be doing it in the hope it stops you from asking for his help again."

@ChuckleGoOn THIS.

I have been in a very similar situation to you. But when I was fed up and started ignoring the silly moods and frowns - due to thinking'Is this fair?- NO!" Things did change. Ignore his moods completely and if it results in a fight then good because things need to change.

Or ask him to write a detailed list of everything he does for the family in a typical week and you do the same, along with 'break' times. Or lie ins. Can be quite eye opening for them to see the extent of your work.

(Also look up weaponised incompetence..)

contact your nearest college that offers childcare qualifications. they will sometimes have a system to give their students placement experience coming to help out a bit every week either free or low cost.

Absolutely don't buy her anymore Xmas presents. Set the rule at whatever you like, no presents for anyone older than 21, or out of full-time education, or when in full-time work, whatever. But you don't have to buy her anything, and you certainly don't have to spend £37! God sometimes I hate this aspect of Xmas, I'd rather have a nice day and do away with the presents for everyone other than small children who still believe in Father Christmas! I'm having a similar issue but with my OHs family. I've told them I'm opting out of gifts this year.

Sorry, wrong thread!