DH won't clean his pan

[Saju1]

I know the title might seem strange, but it is literally this.

My partner is obsessed with having a cast iron pan. The issue I have is that he won't clean it! And just leaves it on the side.

I cleaned it with soap and water with a normal sponge, and he went bolistic, saying I was going to cause rust on it. So I said, teach me...

The way he cleans it is by getting a wet cloth and cleaning the contents, then dries it off with a different cloth. He then grabs a paper towel with oil and covers it, then heats it on the hob until it gets extremely hot! Then leaves it to cool. He then covers it again it oil and places it in the oven until it gets really hot again!

I said I don't have time to be cleaning a pan like this, and that we should buy a normal pan, that just requires soap and water! But he disagrees and says these pans are amazing!! I also have a young baby, and literally do not have time to clean it.

He used this pan again, and it was literally left on the side for a month. I decided to wash it with soap and water, dry it off quickly ( so that no rust is created on the pan) and put it in the cupboard. The next day the pan is out of the cupboard and on the side!!!!

When I ask him when he plans to clean, he always "I will deal with it". And never does!!

AIBU by just throwing this pan away?? Or what should I do??

I am desperate here

I don't think it's about dominance, just laziness. The important thing is that the pan needs to be cleaned. If he has a preference as to HOW that cleaning is done, he'll have to do it himself. I'd say it was fair to agree that he cleans it before going to bed that night (even if it was used to cook breakfast) and that if he doesn't, it gets washed with Fairy and water.

How you are supposed to clean it is irrelevant really. You've made it clear you don't have time for the seasoning process so he either cleans it or uses an alternative pan. Fair enough if it's an occasional meal, maybe at a weekend, where you're both home and have more time. If you're both eating then you need to clean it too but if he's using it regularly then he needs to opt for convenience or clean it himself.

I personally would give a deadline. ‘I would really like the pan to be washed the same evening as it’s used before you go to bed. If it’s left for 24hrs I will remind you, if it’s then still not cleaned and put away within 24hrs of the reminder I will put it in the bin with no further warnings.

I know some people have commented that you should just put it away dirty or leave it be but I personally couldn’t deal with it being left out, we don’t have enough space in our kitchen for things to be left for long periods and it’s gross to leave it dirty or put it next to clean things imo. I suppose it could have its own airtight box to go in to to avoid attracting vermin.

We have a cast iron pan we use infrequently. After initial seasoning we’ve just washed as usual and nothing bad has happened.

Wow, this is a brutal way of me finding out my DH is leading a double life 🤣

The fucking thing gets 3 days lying in state on the side waiting for DH to attend to it before I put in the the dishwasher

3jane · Yesterday 10:50
I have a cast iron pan I put in the dishwasher. I know, anathema. Anyway it’s at least 9 years old and it’s bloody fine, if he won’t clean it clean it however you damn well want“

yep. 35 years here (and husband had them for several years before we met). Pan and casserole, both fine.

Life is too short for this sort of nonsense.

Bin the pan.

😀

My husband has a similar cast iron fry pan thing. He uses it to cook steaks. He never washes it and it sits on the microwave with grease in it and gathers dust and god knows what. Not in the slightest bit bothered. If he wants to cook in it its up to him.

I can say at my great age that some things in life really aren't worth the candle and cast iron pans would be at the top of that list. I'd have thrown it out in the garden by now, and quite possibly DH with it, telling him that I hope they'll be happy together.

Your creating this drama he’s not expecting you to do anything stop interfering and leave it

I use several cast-iron pots and pans. We don't put them in the dishwasher, but do a regular handwash with a sponge/cloth and some Fairy. If necessary leave to soak for a while, and indeed no scratching, no steel brush etc. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Pots & pans look fine, work fine.

It's reasonable to have one person who always does the washing up, or to take it in turns; fairness depends on how the other household tasks are shared out.

From a feminist point of view, what concerns me more is that the woman is taking on the responsibility of 'person who ensures the pans get washed' even if he ends up doing his pan.

This.

In addition to our cast iron pans we also have an enameled pan with high side - used frequently for tomatoes sauces - wasn't a named range but one we got from Sainsbury's after several disasters with non stick pans from various shops - it's pretty indestructible.

The cast iron pans we have haven't been the drama it seems to have been for other posters - scrap crap off wipe with water bit of washing up liquid and rub with some kitchen towel - but an enameled iron pan would be way to avoid all the problems. Though if real issue is DH here not pulling his weight with household chores it probably won't make a huge difference.

It’s fine to wash cast iron with soap. The reason why people think you can’t is that soap used to be made with lye.

cast iron pan wankery is a real thing and tedious AF.

Dp has a set of copper pans. Now that is wankery.😂

He’s expecting her to live with a dirty sodding great pan cluttering up the counter. She’s not interfering; she’s just trying to have a non-scutty kitchen.

All I can think is no way would I ever want to eat food cooked in a cast iron pan from anyone else anymore 🤢. I have what I consider a cast iron pan (though out of IKEA so maybe not a 'real' one) and I have always cleaned it properly and it has lasted me about 9 years now and it's great. Never in my life have I oiled it and put it back in my cupboard 🤢. Your DH needs to stop faffing, clean it properly or do as others have suggested and put it out in the garden.

I am surprised at how many people would put the unwashed pan back in the cupboard, plastic bag or not.

Soap, as in bar of soap, is still made using lye. But the lye gets all used up, reacting to other ingredients which is the very soap making process. Thre isnt any lye left in finished cured soap.
Assuming washig-up liquids are made in a differently altogether.

Is he talking about a cast iron pan or a steel wok? Don't feel you need to answer. It's just that people who don't cook very much do get very attached to the rituals of their rare culinary performances. They are usually male.

I have various Le Creuset pans that are great and will outlive me. Most of them are enamelled but the griddle pan is not. If I'm doing toast in it which I do most days, I just sweep out the burnt crumbs when it is cold again. But after griddling meat, especially lamb, it has to be washed and scrubbed with a scourer because it is full of congealed animal fat which no one wants to eat again. If you don't dry it, it gets rusty. That's sometimes happened but you can easily get the rust off by washing it again with a Brillo.

I also have a wide and deep thin steel wok that is also very good and needs a light coating of oil to prevent rust. But it still has to be washed and dried first. People talk a lot of guff about an aged seasoned pan but in reality no one likes burned-on bits of beansprout.

If I am doing stir fries I use a Tefal non-stick frying pan. The wok is more authentic and gives better results and a lot more theatrical tossing, but it is a faff especially because whenever I think of using it the oil is coated in dust so I have to wash it before using it.

Guess who it is in this house who gets out the steel wok once or twice a year when he wants to toss off a stir fry?

Do has a steel wok too.
😂😂
He doesn't use his pans much, and cleans his mess up.....In fact he insists on a clean kitchen whilst cooking.

I bung my Le Creuset shallow cast iron casserole dish in the dishwasher at times and just oil it afterwards.

Been doing this for years and it's absolutely fine

You only need to oil and heat the first ever time you use it not after every wash

I generally add hot water and a bit of washing up liquid then put the lid on. Then I use a scrub daddy or washing up brush.

Dishwasher is when I really can't be arsed

I bought a non stick tefal wok and frying pans not too long ago and they are brilliant for washing up afterwards.

I don't use my lovely cast iron seasoned frying pan anymore because it can be a bugger to clean on a daily basis but I do have to use it for steaks.