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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH won't clean his pan

187 replies

Saju1 · 09/12/2022 10:44

I know the title might seem strange, but it is literally this.

My partner is obsessed with having a cast iron pan. The issue I have is that he won't clean it! And just leaves it on the side.

I cleaned it with soap and water with a normal sponge, and he went bolistic, saying I was going to cause rust on it. So I said, teach me...

The way he cleans it is by getting a wet cloth and cleaning the contents, then dries it off with a different cloth. He then grabs a paper towel with oil and covers it, then heats it on the hob until it gets extremely hot! Then leaves it to cool. He then covers it again it oil and places it in the oven until it gets really hot again!

I said I don't have time to be cleaning a pan like this, and that we should buy a normal pan, that just requires soap and water! But he disagrees and says these pans are amazing!! I also have a young baby, and literally do not have time to clean it.

He used this pan again, and it was literally left on the side for a month. I decided to wash it with soap and water, dry it off quickly ( so that no rust is created on the pan) and put it in the cupboard. The next day the pan is out of the cupboard and on the side!!!!

When I ask him when he plans to clean, he always "I will deal with it". And never does!!

AIBU by just throwing this pan away?? Or what should I do??

I am desperate here

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 09/12/2022 11:21

Bloody hell, throw the thing out.

If he can't be bothered to deal with it, why should you?

BarbaraofSeville · 09/12/2022 11:23

ouch321 · 09/12/2022 10:55

All sounds very unclean his way of doing it. Authentic or not.

I don't see how a dish can be clean without coming into contact with water+Fairy.

It becomes clean when it is heated up to searing temperatures multiple times.

OP stop cleaning a pan that doesn't need cleaning and is actually damaged when immersed hot soapy water.

Find somewhere where it can live when it's not being used, the oven, under the grill, a shelf in the cupboard, wherever. We have a whole kitchen drawer (and the oven) that is used to store pans that are used like this. It's not an issue.

greenhousegal · 09/12/2022 11:24

Does he cook you fabulous food from it?

I'd just wipe it with a bit of kitchen paper and put it away. He can play with his cast iron toy next time he has time on his hands.

BellePeppa · 09/12/2022 11:26

Leave it for him to clean and buy yourself a pan for your own use. Simple really.

amiold · 09/12/2022 11:34

Just bin it. Or him. Whichever is causing the most hassle

CitizenofMoronia · 09/12/2022 11:36

every time it gets left on the side, pop it on his pillow.
He may eventually get the message that you season your pan after you use it and put it away, not leave it on the side to fester until you do need to use it.

whatsup00 · 09/12/2022 11:37

How weird, you don't clean them? This has put me off getting one. I was planning on getting one at some point but they are expensive.

Wishimaywishimight · 09/12/2022 11:40

Why on earth did you say "teach me"? Just leave it for him to do.

LimeTwists · 09/12/2022 11:42

Unfortunately, he is not responsible enough to care for a cast iron pan. That’s an absolutely pathetic state of affairs, but it’s also entirely true if he uses it then leaves it dirty for a month. My approach would be to tell him that he has 24 hours to clean his pan after use and if he can’t be arsed then it’s clearly the wrong pan for his lifestyle and it’s going in the bin.

orangegato · 09/12/2022 11:42

If it doesn’t go in the dishwasher, it’s doesn’t belong in my life is my philosophy. What magical shit does it do that a normal pan can’t anyway?

Veryxonfused · 09/12/2022 11:48

Omg my partner has one of these, I hate it. He cooks and I wash up but I just leave it for him to do and he does do it

fancyacuppatea · 09/12/2022 11:49

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 09/12/2022 10:49

you don’t clean cast iron in the traditional sense! You’ll ruin it!!!

Obviously OPs DH is taking this literally as he doesn't clean the pan at all. 🤔

I'd buy yourself a couple of non-stick ones and chuck his precious dirty pan in the bin or back at the back behind the unopened wedding tea set in the cupboard...unless you've a garden and need a quirky bird bath. 😉

TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish · 09/12/2022 11:49

I have a beautifully seasoned cast Iron pan..... one of my DDs boyfriends, in a bid to impress the girlfriend's mother, scrubbed it clean - back to it's shiny new surface. I was gutted - took me ages to re-season it. After that I put it away, hidden, where only I would bother getting it out to use, so no danger of it being wrongly cleaned again.

Now that I live alone the pan lives on top of the hob, ready for use. I've had a couple of scares where helpful visitors went to wash it up for me but were fortunately stopped in time.

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2022 11:51

Find a cupboard to put it in that you don’t need to see it. Tell him that’s where it will live, clean or dirty - if he leaves it out on the side, you will put it back in the cupboard.

TheEponymousGrub · 09/12/2022 11:52

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2022 10:47

Don’t clean it
Put it away dirty

This is what I did. Wrap the dirty part tightly in a plastic bag, and put it away. After a while of it not being used, you could move it to somewhere it's out of the way, and it will stay there until you move house/die.

PrincessConstance · 09/12/2022 11:53

Saju1 · 09/12/2022 10:44

I know the title might seem strange, but it is literally this.

My partner is obsessed with having a cast iron pan. The issue I have is that he won't clean it! And just leaves it on the side.

I cleaned it with soap and water with a normal sponge, and he went bolistic, saying I was going to cause rust on it. So I said, teach me...

The way he cleans it is by getting a wet cloth and cleaning the contents, then dries it off with a different cloth. He then grabs a paper towel with oil and covers it, then heats it on the hob until it gets extremely hot! Then leaves it to cool. He then covers it again it oil and places it in the oven until it gets really hot again!

I said I don't have time to be cleaning a pan like this, and that we should buy a normal pan, that just requires soap and water! But he disagrees and says these pans are amazing!! I also have a young baby, and literally do not have time to clean it.

He used this pan again, and it was literally left on the side for a month. I decided to wash it with soap and water, dry it off quickly ( so that no rust is created on the pan) and put it in the cupboard. The next day the pan is out of the cupboard and on the side!!!!

When I ask him when he plans to clean, he always "I will deal with it". And never does!!

AIBU by just throwing this pan away?? Or what should I do??

I am desperate here

Leave the pan alone, he's cleaning the pan correctly.

Go find something else to do other than creating a LTB situation over a bloody pan.

fancyacuppatea · 09/12/2022 11:53

@Saju1 does he/you own a pressure washer...
Tell him if he doesn't clean it himself, the next day you will give it a damn good blast. Grin

stuntbubbles · 09/12/2022 11:54

He’s right about how to clean it, but he’s not bloody cleaning it! So he’s only theoretically right. Every time it’s left on the side, dirty, after 24 hours I would put it:

• In the dishwasher
• Tucked up on his side of the bed
• In the bin
• In his work bag/briefcase/rucksack
• In the sink to soak
• In the bath with some Radox

Alternate according to how pissed off it makes you. Repeat until he fucking cleans it.

For full disclosure neither DP or I clean our pan with any great alacrity/until we need to use it. It lives on our hob and I hate it but I am 50% responsible for this so I can’t follow my own advice on it.

Fairislefandango · 09/12/2022 11:54

He's being ridiculous. He needs to either stop being lazy and clean it straight away or stop having cast iron pand. have a non-non-stick wok which needs seasoning. I wash it in soapy water like everything else, rinse and dry it immediately, then quickly wipe the surface with oil. It really doesn't take long and it's much better than the non-stick ones that dh used to buy (repeatedly, because they never lasted long!).

Fink · 09/12/2022 11:55
  1. Get a different pan for yourself, that you can wash with soap and water. Don't use the cast iron pan.
  2. Don't ever clean or wash up the pan after he's used it (he's right that it shouldn't be scrubbed, but not right in thinking that it needs seasoning after every use).
  3. If he won't clean it, put it wherever suits you out of the way.
greenhousegal · 09/12/2022 11:58

What is so great about these cast iron workloads anyway, compared to my Tefal Titanium Pro non stick that I have used for years, dishwasher and all! Not a scratch, and as good as the day it was bought.

To me cast iron pans are for professional kitchens for doing the absolutely best amazing superbly cooked steak or something. But I suppose some people do cook amazing grub at home too. Fine if they clean the cast iron pan while they are at it!

dcut · 09/12/2022 12:00

I wouldn't be putting up with that.
He cleans it after he uses it and puts it away.
Tell him if it is left on the side it will be going in the bin so he needs to come up with some system for dealing with it.
And get your own pans which you use.

Goldbar · 09/12/2022 12:01

I would disappear it.

I frequently disappear items which are irritating me. Luckily my DH is the untidy type and hardly ever notices. If he asks where something is (disappeared or not), I shrug my shoulders and say "dunno". He mostly doesn't ask now, just looks puzzled.

CrampMcBastard · 09/12/2022 12:02

YABVU to clean it like that

He is BU to leave it around cluttering up the side tho

Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/12/2022 12:02

I agree with the plastic bag suggestion
tie a carrier bag around it so the dirty bits are covered then put it in the pan drawer at the bottom with another bag on top.

fine to have a pan like this but only if he cleans and maintains it himself
everyone saying just leave it etc, would you want a pan with food stuck to it on your kitchen worktop indefinitely? It would take up so much room for one thing. Worktop space is seriously limited in my house.